[to a tip caller] We don't need a psychic. You're that good, who's gonna win the Super Bowl?
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
I never touched Holly Purcell!
She's at your house all the time. She's in your class at school. You couldn't stop thinking about her.
Holly's like one of my own daughters!
You give private lessons to your daughters, too?
You're disgusting! How dare--?!
I'm disgusting?! [pins Mark to the wall] Holly told us what you did to her!
THEN SHE'S LYING!
You tore her up, and she's got the scars to prove it! [releases Mark]
I don't know what in Hell is going on around here! But I'm not saying another word! I want a lawyer!
[Finding a can of paint in an allegedly 'ex'-graffiti artist's locker.]
Looks like someone's still got the aerosol monkey on his back.
[In interrogation]
LLogan
I don't know how to dumb this down for you anymore. It. Wasn't. Me.
BDr. Blair
[Regarding gender reassignment surgery] Any plastic surgeon will tell you, it's easier to dig a hole than to build a pole.
Dr. Blair, do you realize that disseminating pornography to a minor is a felony?
BDr. Blair
I showed them art books.
Doc, I saw the art in your office and even I was uncomfortable at how many phalluses were on display.
BDr. Blair
That's because you're a bourgeois American, completely uptight about sex. It's what screws up your children and turns them into sex offenders.
You lost me at bourgeois.
BBiggs
What'd I do wrong? I was born with these feelings. I don't know why I have them. They were always there. Wasn't exactly like I had a choice.
Neither did the 117 boys you molested.
BBiggs
I never hurt them. It never hurt me.
You were abused.
BBiggs
My father left when I was a baby. And when I was about nine, this man moved across the street. He was the only one I could talk to. He loved me, he cared for me. And touching me was how he showed it.
How's Dickie?
A handful. He's demanding cookie dough ice cream and Jackass 24-7. He reminds me so much of me, it's scary.
Didn't know you were a Jackass fan.
I mean getting what I want. According to Kathy, it's not one of my more endearing qualities.
Before you had kids, you ever worry what they'd be like?
All the time. Still do.
At least you and Kathy know what you're passing on. Half my genes are drunk and the other half are violent and cruel.
And look how great you turned out. It's not all about the genes, Liv. All you can do is love your kids.
[Fin and Munch interview a computer game designer.]
DDesigner
That sequence was an easter egg.
A what?
That's a hidden treat players can access for extra fun.
DDesigner
You're not as old as you look.
DDesigner
Stu used to work here. We had to fire him because he snuck copulating bunny rabbits into a children's game we make.
[her closing argument] Did Garrett and Louise get the idea from a game? Yes. We get ideas all the time. From books, from TV, from friends, from life, from everywhere. We don't act on them. We know that the idea doesn't justify the deed. Don't let Mr. Gates blind you to the facts. Real people ran over a real person, and then they beat her to death. Melody Quinn felt real pain. She bled real blood. And she died a horrible and lonely death. It was not a game. Now, did Melody's killers know what they were doing? Well, their taunting of Larry Tauber, the one member of their trio with the humanity to feel regret, proves that they did! Garrett Perle said it himself. It was a joke! Well, you know what? Murder is no joke! So don't let them use a game as an excuse for their cruel and callous actions.
GGarrett
[after his and Louise's conviction] Bang-bang. You're dead.
JSJudge Seligman
Get him outta here!
How many teenage girls do you know who are too busy to have boyfriends?
When we were kids, our parents told us we were too young to date just one guy.
Now you pray your kids only date one guy.
Stabler [about the victim, Lisa Downey]: How did this happen? 6 months ago, she was just another 15-year-old girl.
Until she started hooking up with half of Queens. After that it's no big deal to have sex for designer clothes or prostitute yourself at a hotel.
She winds up as Trudy Strutz, Porn Star.
She winds up dead on a roof.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.