“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

Kate told us you that she heard you and Fiona arguing on the phone.

Oh, we argued like trailer trash in a Walmart parking lot on Black Friday.

Ella

[contemplating Dan, her pet bullfrog] How far do you think a frog could fall and live?

Lucifer

[pleased] Sounds like a fun experiment... for us, less the frog, but.... You're welcome to use my penthouse if you wish.

Ella

I'm not gonna do that, Lucifer.

Lucifer

[discussing taking Chloe with him to Hell] No, no, no, this is a terrible idea. Worst I've heard since some genius decided to cancel Bones.

Chloe

Why?

Lucifer

Oh, where do I start? That show was the perfect combination of procedure and banter--

Chloe

No, I mean, Lucifer, I'm talking about me going down to Hell.

Lucifer

Oh.

What is this?

Lucifer

Oh, dear, do you not have Christmas in the future? Is that my fault as well?

No, tacky consumerism still exists.

Lucifer

I, Lucifer Morningstar - the Devil - have returned to rule as God Almighty. And it's all thanks to one woman. A woman with the mind of a genius, the patience of a saint. A woman I adore with all of my heart. The greatest therapist the world has ever known: Doctor Linda Martin, MD, PSYD, PhD, MA, MFIL, Master in Science, Master in Technology, Master of the Universe, Ma-

Lucifer

[voiceover] This is preposterous! [we see Lucifer and Chloe reading Linda's manuscript, revealing that it was all from Linda's book] I mean, socks with sandals?

Dr. Linda Martin

What? Your Dad wore them!

Chloe

Linda, is this what you really think happens?

Dr. Linda Martin

I don't know what's going to happen! I've been the therapist to the Devil for the last five years, and I still couldn't get him ready to be God! [pauses] I'm a failure. So I wrote a fake ending to make myself feel better.

Lucifer

And the red river? The missing socks?

Amenadiel

All caused by our siblings' screwups.

Lucifer

[laughs] Unbelievable. Right, well, I should wake Chloe, tell her the world isn't actually ending.

Amenadiel

No, no, no, Luci, look. You heard Ella. Now if this continues to happen, it's gonna have a catastrophic domino effect. Apocalypse by a thousand paper cuts.

Lucifer

Just tell our siblings to stop.

Amenadiel

I tried. They don't take orders from me. I believe their exact words were, "You're not the God of us."

Maybe that's the real reason I came back in time. So you could help me.

Chloe

So that you can help everyone. Every Dan down in Hell who deserves another chance.

Lucifer

Well,... Well, I suppose I do know what it's like to fall. And also to rise. [realizing] Oh, you cheeky bastard.

Chloe

Who?

Lucifer

My Dad. He said I'd figure it out, and I did. When He said Hell no longer needs a keeper, it doesn't. It needs a healer. Chloe... I think I finally found my calling!

Do you really think it's possible to change?

Lucifer

Of course. I mean, look at me. For millennia, I was down here, stuck in my own Hell loop of sorts, thinking I deserved to be in charge of people's punishment. And then even when I left, I found myself in a cycle of selfishness and violence, [smiles] debauchery, sex... Yeah, I mean, clearly it wasn't all bad, but the point is, with the right guidance and the right help, I was able to change, to grow. To... find true meaning in life.

I wish I could just... take it all back. Everything that I did on Earth.

Lucifer

I hear you. I felt that way, too. I wished I could do everything differently, but then, I wouldn't be the devil I am right now, sitting across from you, right here, would I? [chuckles]

I dunno. Maybe I'm just a lost cause.

Lucifer

Nonsense, Reese. And certainly not on my watch. Because if the Devil can be redeemed, then anyone can.

Lucifer

Hello, Detective.

Chloe

I thought you could use a partner. [approaches Lucifer; they kiss]

Kevin Garvey

Nobody's ready to feel better. Ready to fuckin' explode.

Been having this dream Tom, it's the same one over and over. It's about my son. "We're gone Daddy," he says to me and all the people who stayed. "They're pretending like it never happened... they're asleep but they need to wake up now." So I ask him why. Why now? And he says "Therefore watch and remember, that by the space of three years I cease not to warn them night and day with tears" The grace period's over, Tom. Time to go to work.

Nora Durst

The best day of my life happened a few months before October 14th, but I didn't know it. It just seemed like, um, a nice day, you know, all four of us at the beach: my husband, my 6-year-old son, and my 4-year-old daughter. Their names were...are Doug, Jeremy, and Erin. The kids built a sand castle. Doug and I, we just sat on a blanket and watched them work, and it was just perfect, and it felt like, um I didn't deserve anything that good. This one Saturday, the winter before that, we all got hit with the stomach flu, the whole family. We were all feverish and throwing up, and I couldn't even get out of bed, and the kids were lying there with us, and I could feel the heat coming off their bodies, and I remember thinking, "This is it," I was gonna die. I'm not greedy. I'm not asking for that perfect day at the beach. Just give me that horrible Saturday, all four of us sick and miserable, but alive and together.

[about dogs that have gone wild] No, no, no not all of them did, just the ones that witnessed it, you know, who were actually there when someone went...

...Poof!

Dog are just animals, man. They're not like us, trying to reason it all out, make sense of shit that makes no sense. They see something like that, and they just snap. All bets are off right there. No more chasing sticks, no more licking your own balls.

...ha

Then just go primal, man. Same thing's gonna happen to us. It's just taking longer.

They are not our dogs.

Kevin Garvey

What?

You said they were our dogs. They're not. Not anymore.

Kevin Garvey

Am I awake?

Heh! Well, you are now, Chief.

Aimee

I may have fucked that barista, so if he spit in your chai, that's on me.