Oh, boy, last night was a long night in Las Vegas, and I'm not even talking about the stuff I don't remember. There was an incident with a security guard at the Hard Rock, there was this whole Cleveland Cavaliers celebration party thing. [A few boos and cheers from the crowd] I don't know, I don't like those guys anyway, don't look at me. They were freakishly tall and it weirded me out, I don't know. I think I had my foot ran over by a cab. Oh, yeah, and this other thing happened where I had to climb a 15-foot ladder and win the Money in the Bank ladder match! I think, at some point in the night, I almost got bitten by a dog. I mean, it was a long night. Oh, yeah, and then, this other thing happened, where I cashed in my Money in the Bank contract on Seth Rollins, and I became the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion!
You wanna talk about another guy who had a long night, Seth Rollins. He was just the right guy at the right place at the wrong time. So listen up, kiddos, Uncle Dean-o's gonna give your lesson of the week. So listen up, pay attention. What goes around, comes back around. You know what, let me give you another lesson while I'm out here pontificating and stuff, here's another lesson for you. Hard work pays off! Busting your ass, keeping your nose to the grindstone pays off! And when it pays off, baby, it pays off big!
So Seth called himself "The Man," Roman called himself "The Guy." I don't know, what does that make me? The Dude?
AAudience
[chanting] DUDE!
Oh, I kinda like it. I don't care, you can call me whatever you want, but you call me Champion! I've been chasing this for two years, and this is the reason I kept picking myself off... picking myself up, dusting myself off, patching myself back together; this is why I kept on trucking, this is why I kept on swinging. And as I sit here with this Championship in the middle of this ring live on Monday Night Raw, I can tell you, baby, it was all worth it 'cause we ain't having no hard times anymore!
I understand why Chicago likes these two. Enzo and Cass remind them of the local baseball teams. Cass is like the Cubs: it may take a hundred years, but he might be a champion. Enzo's more like the White Sox: if he ever becomes a champion, you can be guaranteed there's a scandal involved.
This is my yard now. (people heavily boo loudly)
BCBig Cass
(When asked if he attacked Enzo Amore) You're damn right I did it! Do you have any idea what it's like teaming up with you, Enzo? You just constantly run your mouth about God knows what every single minute of the day. You even ran your mouth to Conor McGregor. Do you know how many times I've wanted to slap you right upside your head? How many times I wanted to knock you out myself? But I didn't do it because I felt bad for you, Enzo. Because everybody behind that curtain doesn't like you, I felt bad for you, Enzo. Because everybody in the back doesn't like you, I felt bad for you, Enzo. And I put up with your crap. For years, I put up with your crap every single day until finally, I snapped. And I have to admit, it felt damn good when I attacked you from behind. You all right? And I would have snapped your little neck like a twig if I wanted to, but I didn't because I wanted to watch you suffer. For all the years of crap I had to put with in NXT! In Tampa! Here on Monday Night Raw! For all the crap I had to put up with, I wanted to watch you suffer! And when things got a little bit hot and fingers pointed in my direction, I cooled them down because I wanted to see just how smart you were. I wanted to see if you were smart enough to realize what was going on around you or if you are just as dumb as you look and I realized that you are even dumber. You are nothing more than dead weight that's holding me back from reaching my potential in the WWE! You are just dead weight holding me down when I should be rising to the top of the WWE! You're the reason I have never been a champion in WWE! I'm the star here! I'm the future! I'm where the money is! And you, your mouth just writes checks that your ass can't cash. Because Big Cass has always been behind you. Well, not for long because me and you, we are through.
(Big Cass attacks Enzo Amore once more with a big boot)
BCBig Cass
And you can't teach that.
You know what's funny? The way you all react to the manner in which I introduce my client, Brock Lesnar, because someone has a problem with the word "undisputed." Someone wants to dispute the fact that Brock Lesnar is the champion in World Wrestling Entertainment. This same someone, who's over on SmackDown Live has barely survived the title challenge of Randy Orton. This same someone has barely survived the title challenge of Shinsuke Nakamura. This same someone is sitting up at night, plotting and planning, trying to figure out how to barely survive the potential title challenge of AJ Styles. Meanwhile, right over here on the flagship show Monday Night Raw, Brock Lesnar has eaten through the single most stacked heavyweight division in the history of WWE. That fact is undisputed.
You know what else is undisputed? That we live in the age of trash-talking. Everybody wants to trash-talk, everybody wants to hurl insults, everybody wants to not give props where props are due. Everyone wants to run down their opponent, everybody wants to hurl insults at their opponents' families, everyone wants to be the king of trash-talk, brand their opponents as losers instead of box office attractions.
You know what else is undisputed? That the king of the trash-talk is the advocate with the mic in his hand right now. And yet, despite the fact that you clamor for me to trash-talk, I don't trash-talk Brock Lesnar's opponents, and I'll tell you why. Because any man deemed worthy of stepping into the ring to fight Brock Lesnar must be a real man, must have a whole lot of merit going on behind him. I didn't trash-talk Goldberg, I praised Goldberg, and rightfully so. I didn't trash-talk Samoa Joe, I praised Samoa Joe, and rightfully so. I didn't trash-talk Braun Strowman, I praised Braun Strowman, and oh, my God, rightfully so.
But you? Jinder Mahal? The make-believe maharaja, with the Singh-Singh-Singh-Singh singalong Brothers standing behind you doing my shtick of introducing you? Are you kidding me? You're not Brock Lesnar's equal, you're not Brock Lesnar's contemporary, you're not Brock Lesnar's counterpart on SmackDown Live, you're not even a worthy pretender to the throne of being WWE Champion! When we think of WWE Champions, we think of Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Ric Flair, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, John Cena, and, ladies and gentlemen, my client Brock Lesnar! We don't think of Jinder Mahal, a consolation prize champion offered to SmackDown Live when Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan realized they got the shaft in the Superstar shake-up.
And please don't think that my client is waving the flag of Monday Night Raw, marching into Survivor Series to defend the honor of Raw over SmackDown in the name of brand supremacy. Ladies and gentlemen, there is no battle for brand supremacy. Any brand that brags Brock Lesnar—say that three times fast—the brand that brags Brock Lesnar is the #1 brand. The brand that brags Brock Lesnar is the supreme brand. The brand that brags Brock Lesnar is the flagship brand with the #1 champion, the place to be in World Wrestling Entertainment. That's undisputed. And because Jinder Mahal disputes that fact, Jinder Mahal, at Survivor Series, you're going to Suplex City.
I feel like... I feel like I owe everyone an apology. For months, maybe even a full year, I've come out here and spoke as Roman Reigns, and I said a lot of things, you know. I said that I'd be here every single week, I said I'd be a fightin' champion, I said I was gonna be consistent, and I said I was gonna be a workhorse, but...that's all lies. It's a lie because the reality is, my real name is Joe, and I've been living with leukemia for 11 years. And unfortunately, it's back. And because the leukemia is back, I cannot fulfill my role, I can't be that fightin' champion, and I'm gonna have to relinquish the Universal Championship.
And I'm not gonna lie, I'll take every prayer you send my way, but I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm not looking for you to feel bad for me, because I have faith. When I was 22 years old, I was diagnosed with this, and very quickly, I was able to put in in remission. But I'm not gonna lie, that was the hardest time of my life. I didn't have a job, I didn't have any money, I didn't have a home, and I had a baby on the way, and football was done with me.
But you wanna know who gave me a chance? The team that gave me a chance was the WWE. And when I finally made it to the main roster and I was on the road, they put me in front of all of you, the WWE Universe. And to be honest, y'all have made my dreams come true. And it didn't matter if you cheered me, it didn't matter if you booed me. You've always reacted to me, and that is the most important thing, and for that, I have to say thank you so much.
AAudience
[chanting] THANK YOU, ROMAN!
Thank you. But you all know the deal. You all know how life is. Life is not fair, it's not all peaches and cream. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. And right now, the best thing for me to do is to go home, to focus on my family and my health.
But I wanna make one thing clear. By no means is this a retirement speech. [The audience cheers] Because after I'm done whoopin' leukemia's ass once again, I'm coming back home. And when I do, it's not just be about titles and being on top. No, it's about a purpose. I'm coming back because I want to show all of you, the whole world, I wanna show my family, my friends, my children, and my wife that when life throws a curve ball at me, I am the type of man that will stand in that batter's box, I will crowd the plate, I will choke up, and I will swing for the fences every single time! Because I will beat this, and I will be back, so you will see me very, very soon. Once again, thank you so much, God bless you, and I love you. Believe that.
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and tonight, my thoughts and my prayers are with the champion of a man you know as Roman Reigns. It is humbling to me amongst the members of that locker room tonight and to have been in the presence of such courage and such greatness. And when I go home tonight and I have to explain this all to my children, what I want my children to understand about this show, this presentation, this business, this industry that we all love is, what you witnessed tonight, as much as you witnessed that courage, what you witnessed was sacrifice. Because what Roman Reigns did tonight was, he sacrificed his career aspirations because, as he said, he couldn't fulfill the obligations of being the Universal Champion, because to everyone that walks through that locker room, the title deserves the best that any champion has to offer it.
You, as the WWE Universe, the WWE fanbase, those who take pride in WWE have the right to point to the Universal Champion and say, that's the best, that is everything this presentation, this show, this industry has to offer. That's #1. And until 8:05 PM, Eastern Time tonight, we had the right to brag that the very best, the #1 was the Universal Champion.
So now, what do we do? Roman Reigns does not want the title to stop because he can no longer defend it. Roman Reigns is the first person to tell you the show must go on, and so it does. At Crown Jewel, Brock Lesnar versus Braun Strowman, and only one can say, "I'm the one that carries on the legacy that Roman Reigns brought to this ring tonight. I'm the one that's worthy of the prestige of being the champion. I'm the one that's worthy of the honor of being the champion. I'm the one that's worthy of being the champion," and that sure as hell ain't Braun Strowman! There's only one being in this match at Crown Jewel that's worthy of the honor of being your champion, worthy of the dignity of being your champion, worthy of walking into the Octagon and laying that title down in front of the sports universe and saying, "I am the best WWE has to offer, I'm the Universal Champion, and my name is Brock Lesnar!"
So Braun Strowman can walk around all that he wants and bill himself as a monster! My client Brock Lesnar doesn't bill himself as a beast. He's not a man, he is a beast! And Braun Strowman, you're not in Brock Lesnar's league. You're not in Brock Lesnar's category. You're not in Brock Lesnar's stratosphere. Braun Strowman, you can't compare to Brock Lesnar! You're not even a member of the same species as Brock Lesnar!
You may all be seated, thank you. Now, I apologize for the drastic measures I have taken tonight, but you can't be too safe in a dangerous slum like Houston, Texas. Now, I need these measures, not just to protect me from you people, and whatever diseases you may all be carrying, I need these measures to protect me from that madman, Seth Rollins. [removes his gas mask] Because last time I was in this ring, I was viciously attacked by Seth Rollins, unprovoked. Well maybe just a little provoked. Over the last couple weeks, I have said some things just to try to trigger Seth, and I must admit, I was a bit surprised for a guy who fancies himself as "the architect". A man always in control of himself, his situation, his emotions, it was pretty easy to rile him up. Because Seth Rollins, the truth is, is just like all of you people, NEEDY, needy and emotional. Seth always needed something. He always wanted something from me, just like all you people. Stickin' your phones in my face everywhere I go trying to get a picture with me. Trying to get some excitement in your miserable lives. Let me, let me ask you guys a question. Do you have any idea what it's like to live with somebody who just always has to be in control? He's just always gotta be right, he's just always gotta get his way? Sure you do. Everybody knows somebody like that. That person might be sitting next to you right now in the chair right next to you. And if you had any guts, you would reach across your chair and you would slap that person in the mouth. Any takers out there? No. But you don't have any guts. You have weak character. Seth Rollins has weak character. He's the biggest scumbag, the biggest lowlife on the planet, and you people cheer for him, 'cause he gives you high-fives on the way to the ring, 'cause he makes you feel important. It's disgusting, it really is. Take The Shield for example. The Shield used to be something to be proud of. Something that I was proud of. But after a while, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns, all they cared about was trying to be role models and sucking up to you people. [crowd chants "we want Rollins"] Oh really? Really? Well guess what, sometimes LIFE SUCKS, AND YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT! Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns changed. They sold out. I've never changed, I am unchanged. I am a constant, I'm the freakin' rockajabolter. I am the last man in this industry with integrity! The only thing I am guilty of is trusting people, taking people at their word, taking people at face value, but no more. I am proud to stand alone in this ring as the moral compass of WWE! You people probably don't even know what that means, do ya? 'Cause schools ain't to good in Houston are they?
BLBecky Lynch
Look at this. The Man is back on Raw. Ronnie, I told you I'd find a way back to you again. Now, for about a year now, I've been hearing about this "baddest woman on the planet," but the last time I came to your show, I dropped you right...[points down to the left] there. And even after that, you never came looking for me to prove that you're the baddest. So, Ronnie, I've come looking for you to prove you're not.
AAudience
[chanting] BECKY!
BBecky
And you've heard about this, but last night, I won the Royal Rumble match. And unlike Seth Rollins, I don't need much time to think. I choose you.
AAudience
[chanting] YES!
BBecky
And at WrestleMania, I am going to break your mystique, I am going to take your title, and I am gonna kick your ass in front of the whole world.
AAudience
[chanting, as Ronda Rousey motions for a mic] KICK HER ASS!
RRRonda Rousey
I want the whole world to hear this. First off, how's your leg? Huh? 'Cause unlike you, I want my opponent to be looking me in the eye and primed to fight. I don't just want to beat you, I want to beat the best version of Becky Lynch that has ever existed.
And let's just be completely honest, shall we? You, me, and everyone else here knows that I can re-break your face faster than you can say, "Nia Jax." In fact, you, me, and everyone else here knows that I have the ability to kill you with my bare hands without even breaking a sweat, and the only thing stopping me is my decision not to.
You know what, Becky? I just realized that we are the same age. That means while you were training, I was main-eventing in a sport that didn't even want women in it at all, let alone in the main event. And last year, while you were in the... the kickoff show for WrestleMania, I stole the show in my debut! How long have you been The Man, Becky? Because I've been a household name for a decade.
You gotta learn something here, honey. Any ring I step into is mine, I own the ground under my feet, and I'm gonna own you at WrestleMania!
Oh, yeah! Can WrestleMania happen tomorrow?!
Seriously, I am ready to see these two women throw down on the grandest stage of them all! Let me tell you This will be the best match in wrestlemania
BBatista
[drags Ric Flair out of his locker room] Hey Hunter, do I have your attention now? [takes off sunglasses] HUH!?
SZSami Zayn
You know, I... I... I really thought coming out here tonight would cure what ails me. All it did was reinforce what I've realized over the past nine months. It genuinely seems like you miss me. I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart, I honestly did not miss any of this or any one of you. Yeah, so it turns out WWE is a super, like, toxic environment. [Sarcastic laugh] It's not because of the McMahons, and it ain't because of the other WWE Superstars, it's because of this audience and your ugliness!
Let me be honest. I live a very meaningful and fulfilled life; I'm quite happy. But your lives seem so empty and so devoid of any kind of meaning that the only joy you get, it's not even from coming out and enjoying the shows as fans. You only get joy and satisfaction out of being critics. [Mocking laugh] You wanna know why that is, moron? You wanna know why? It's 'cause it's the only thing that gives you any sort of sense of self-importance. You judge everyone and everything except yourselves. You wanna know why that is? It's 'cause none of you have the balls to look inside yourself 'cause you know the ugliness and the cynicism that lives inside of you. You're so bloody delusional, it's hilarious.
You really think you guys are, like, the voice of reason? You really think you guys are, like, the [mocking] voices that should be heard. Hear me roar! No. Seemingly overnight, you have become the evil overlords of WWE. Sami Zayn has been about one thing his entire career and his entire life, and that is doing what is right. And now, the right thing to do isn't to come back and [fake heroic] save WWE, and it's not to come over and take over the WWE. The right thing to do is to come out here every single week and hold each and every single one of you accountable because nobody else will. See you in Hell.
Let me explain something to you. See this right here? [Points to the WWE Universal Championship] This is my life, Lesnar. Yeah, I see that. Shut your mouth. This is my life, this is what I work for every single day, what I sacrifice for every single day, and you come out here and you make a mockery out of it. And not because you walk out here with your stupid little beat box. No. You make a mockery out of it because you are a joke. Yeah. That's not the joke, you're the joke, and I'm not afraid of you. I stomped your head into the mat at WrestleMania, and I can do it again right here, right now.
Yeah, you used to be the most feared man in combat sports history, and look at you. You're a coward hiding behind Paul Heyman. The shell of what you used to be. You want a chance to prove me wrong, Lesnar? [Points to the Money in the Bank briefcase] There's your chance. There's your chance, Lesnar. Cash it in! Cash it in! Cash it in! Cash it in!
[referring to the Money in the Bank contract] Mr. Cone, page 8, paragraph 27, section B: "the parties mutually agree that the winner of the 2019 Money in the Bank contract, in his sole discretion"—that's Brock Lesnar—"picks the time and the place to challenge for either the WWE or Universal Heavyweight Championship. The aforementioned challenge shall take place at any time, with no notice, to either champion, on or by the expiration of this agreement, one year after 2019 Money in the Bank pay-per-view event. Therefore, before May 19, 2020, said challenger Brock Lesnar..."
[Brock cups the mic, stopping Paul's recitation. He looks at the contract.]
PPaul
A year! [Pissed, Brock smacks Paul with the contract] Didn't you know?!
BBrock
No, I didn't know!
PPaul
How could you not know?! You have to make a decision!
BBrock
[to Seth] I got a whole year! And I gotta make a decision now? Seth Rollins, screw...you.
[Seth Rollins' open challenge is answered by Walter, who comes out with the rest of Imperium]
WWalter
You wanted the best? Well, here we are. My name is Der Ringgeneral, Walter, and I am the WWE United Kingdom Champion. We are Imperium, and we are here to restore the honor of our sport! Because that mat you're standing on with your dirty feet is sacred to us! And just because you're not in the United States, doesn't mean you're safe from NXT Takeover!
Ohh, is that so? Well, Walter, look, I know who you are. I saw the little stunt you and your gang tried to pull on SmackDown when you took out Heavy Machinery. Well, look, I appreciate the fact that you came down here and challenged me man-to-man, and I appreciate the fact that you think you are the United Kingdom's best. And that little title you got around your waist, it says you might be right. So let's find out. I accept your challenge! Now get your ass down here so I can burn it down!
BLBecky Lynch
Tonight is... is no ordinary night for me. I'm torn between joy and sadness 'cause I'm... I'm at a place in my life where things are about to change, and I needed to do something about it. So I asked the decision makers to raise the stakes for the Money In The Bank ladder match, and they did just that.
But before I get to that... I walked in through these very doors in 2013, and I didn't know anybody in this country, and I didn't know if I was good enough to be here. [She starts to tear up] And I didn't know if anybody would care about a loudmouthed Irish woman who loved puns and toast. But somewhere along the line, I... I learned that they did care, and they cared so much that they put me on their shoulders, and they carried me into history, and I will never forget that.
Through injury and triumph, it was the fans who stood up for me, who had my back, and it was the fans who I grabbed onto when I didn't have anybody else. And that is why it's the fans, it's you at home that deserve to hear this from me first: that I have to go away for awhile.
[Asuka's music hits, and she charges to the ring berating Becky in Japanese]
BBecky
[on the Money In The Bank briefcase sitting on a table in the ring] It is yours, you're right. Asuka, you have beaten me when nobody else could. You have been the best wrestler in the world for a long time, and this is why I am so glad that this is happening to you. 'Cause the match last night, it wasn't what you thought it was. It wasn't for an opportunity to win the championship. It was for so much more. And I know you haven't been able to unlock this 'cause there's a combination. [She opens the briefcase, revealing the Raw Women's Championship] The match last night was actually for the Raw Women's Championship. Now, I can't fight anymore, but you can. You are the champion.
BBecky
You're the champion.
[She takes the title and runs excitedly all over the Performance Center, even dancing on the announcers' table, and makes her way back to the ring]
BBecky
You are the champion, and as happy as you are to be the champion, I might be a little bit happier. So you go and be a warrior 'cause I'm gonna go be a mother.
AAsuka
[genuinely surprised] "Be a mother"? You're gonna be a mother? [She hugs Becky] Oh, congratulations! Really?! YEAH!!! BECKY! BECKY! BECKY! BECKY! I'm so happy for you.
So, what do you guys want to talk about? It has been 47 days since the abrupt news that I was a free agent. Amongst that, I chose to remain silent, and I heard stories, defamatory whispers, theories that surmised to be nonsense. Everyone thinks the decision to return to WWE was difficult. It was not. It was simple, really. The star that left them in the dust. The man standing here now, having signed a multi-year agreement with World Wrestling Entertainment. And if there was...
CCrowd
[chanting] YOU DESERVE IT!
If there was a glimmer of doubt, a shred of trepidation, the moment I rose up in front of 70-something thousand fans, the moment I made the walk at a WrestleMania and defeated one of the best superstar wrestlers in any era, that being Seth Rollins, that doubt was eradicated. I’m an avid reader, and I stumbled across this quote. It said, "a man often finds his destiny on the path he takes to avoid it." So, if you’ll humor me, let’s all take a look at the Tron, if you will.
[On the TitanTron is a picture of Dusty Rhodes holding high the WWWF Championship. The crowd chants "DUSTY!"]
Right there is my father, "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes. It’s so simple to say, that’s my father, but in reality, yeah, he's a legend. Yeah, he's the son of a plumber, he's a common man. He’s all those things. To me, he was my hero. This photo was taken in 1977, at Madison Square Garden. That very photo right there, he is holding the championship belt that eventually Hulk Hogan would get his hands on, the Undertaker would get his hands on, the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. Oh, and Triple H, too. And many other greats. I'm gonna tell you a quick story which made this all very simple to me. This photo, this very photo, was on the mantle in my parents' bedroom until my dad's last day. And as I got hip to the industry, I worked up a little courage, and I remember I asked him, and I worded it very poorly. I said, "I didn’t know that you were a champion like Hulk Hogan." And he looked at me with the same eyes that Liberty has, and he said, very stern and very patiently, he explained to me the champion's advantage. He said that he had won the match, but because it was by countout, he did not take home the championship belt.
So, I'm 8 years old. What’s a boy to do? Right then and there, at 8 years old, I knew not what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. I was going to win this championship belt right here! I was going to place it, I was going to bestow it into the hands of The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes and tell him, "nobody can take it away from you now." And there are many here tonight who have followed my journey, but for those who are new to it, unfortunately, that dream died. It died right in front of me. That opportunity passed. That opportunity passed, or did it? Yes, I cannot physically put that title belt into my father's hands. I cannot bestow it upon The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes, but I certainly can put it around the waist of The American Nightmare.
CCrowd
[chant] YOU CAN DO IT!
With that in mind, the silence is broken, my intentions are clear. I've made them clear to all of you here. I stand before you, ready, finally ready. And I'm going to do it. I'm going to give the distinction that my family has long since been denied, and I'm going to do it for you, I'm going to do it for me, I'm going to do it for my family, and I am going to do it for The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes.
