He doesn’t even do this kind of work anymore. He quit. He’s a travel agent now. That’s all.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Get down. On the ground.
Get … down.
I, I did all this … stuff, Stan, I don’t even know why anymore. It, it seemed like the right thing to do for my country. My country wanted me to. And I, and I … I kept doing it. Telling myself it was important. Until finally, I couldn’t, and I, I stopped. I’m done with that now. I have been for a long time. It was all just screwing people for … I don’t, I don’t even know for what. So I quit, like she said. Like you did. I’m a travel agent now. I’m just, I’m just a shitty, failing travel agent. Except I guess I’m not. Because now, I, I need to leave, if I can. I have to run away from the place that I have lived for the past … so many years. If I can. If, if we can. Stan, I have to abandon my son. He can’t come with us, because I got caught. I finally got caught. And here we are. And I don’t even know what happens if we make it home, because after all these years of being scared of Americans and recruiting Americans and following Americans, we finally, we actually got something, and it has nothing to do with you. It’s our own people. It’s a bunch of fucking Russians. They’re trying to get rid of Gorbachev, and we figured it out. Her, really.
It’s our own bosses. They were going to fake my reports, make it seem like Gorbachev was trading away military secrets at the summit. The people I trusted all this time, and now …
Do you know Oleg Burov?
Who, who is that?
Don’t bullshit me now, Philip. We arrested him earlier today, picking up a dead drop. He told me the message was about people in the KGB trying to get rid of Gorbachev. Told me I had to send it back to Russia.
I could care less who runs your country.
Stan, these people, if, if they’re not stopped, that’s our whole country. That’s, that’s our whole future. And it’s the world, and whether we get to live in peace or not depends on this. We have to tell them what happened here, because if that dead drop didn’t go through, we’re the only ones who can stop this. Now, I don’t know why you should trust me. You should hate me. You … you should probably shoot me. But we’re getting in that car. And we’re driving away. I wish you’d stayed with me at EST. You might know what to do here.
I don’t know how to say this, but I think there’s a chance Renee might be one of us. I’m not sure.
Let's see what's in the newspaper. "Ambassador from Lolliland visits the united states for the first time." [The camera zooms in to a picture of Pops] I say good show, very good show. [A waiter walks to Pops] I say why the handsome chap in the newspaper don't you think?
[The newspaper shows Pops and Pops chuckles]
WWaiter
Uh, sure. I'll be back in a second for the check.
[Pops folds the newspaper and looks at the check]
Let's see here I think, 25 percent tip, yes, jolly good show, jolly good show deserves jolly good tip I always say.
[Pops puts some lollipops in the bill]
WWaiter
Can I get you any change, sir?
No, no, it's all for you my good man, top notch service.
WWaiter
Wow, thanks sir, very generous of you.
Oh, well, good day young man.
[Pops walks away and the waiter opens the bill to see lollipops in there]
[Mordecai opens a refrigerator]
...Milk...
[Rigby opens a cupboard]
...Cereal...
[They are both at the table and they both pour the milk and cereal into a bowl]
MRMordecai/Rigby
...Combine.
[The screen says "REGULAR SHOW CREATED BY J.G. QUINTEL" as movement can be heard, it cuts back to the kitchen, Rigby is about to eat the cereal with his face, but Mordecai stops him]
[picks up a spoon] This is the only clean spoon left, dude, lets play "punchies" for it.
Okay, me first.
[Rigby punches Mordecai, but Rigby is shocked at how weak his punch was]
[starts laughing, then punches Rigby harder]
[rubs his arm] Ow. Take it!
[Rigby moves to the other side of the table as Mordecai laughs and starts eating his breakfast]
[stops eating] Man, so far, this job is awesome! I still can't believe we have our own rooms!
Dude, those rooms aren't cool, there's nothing in them, I had to sleep on the floor last night!
[Rigby starts pouring cereal into his mouth]
Well, yeah. I mean, we can go and get stuff for it, once we've earned some money! Ya Know!
[seems full on cereal] Yeah, I guess.
You want some milk?
Yeah.
[Mordecai starts pouring milk into Rigby's mouth]
(Everybody gets up; the park is ruined)
Did you win?
(coughs)
I think you win.
(sighs) It doesn't matter. I wasn't able to hold on to the chair anyways.
Look!
(half of the chair is still left)
MRMordecai and Rigby
Aww, cool!
No, you don't. You're not getting that chair. But here's what you DO get. You get to flip that cart back over, you're throwing that chair away, and then you're cleaning up this whole MESS!! Pops, you're coming with me. And you two idiots, if this isn't cleaned up when I get back, YOU'RE FIRED!!!
[Benson walks into the house with Pops and Skips]
Rock-paper-scissors for who gets to drive the cart?
[First lines of the series]
Alright, Beef Burrito. I'm gonna give you one more chance to take back what you said about my mom! [A Beef Burrito doll lies silently on the floor] I'LL KILL YOU!!!
[He pats his elbow and jumps onto a trampoline, body-slamming the doll. He then elbows the doll multiple times, and body slams it once more. He picks up the doll and moves its arm, making it punch himself in the face. Behind him, Mordecai is calling to him]
Tag up! Tag up!
[Pretending to be weakened, Rigby walks over to Mordecai and high-fives him. As Rigby drinks a soda, Mordecai pulls the Beef Burrito doll away. Rigby slams the soda can onto the ground and lets out a ferocious cry. Mordecai sets the doll up next to a bed before walking away onto the shelves]
What?! [silence] Oh, you want us to put the hurt on you? [Mordecai grabs Rigby] I think he wants me to put the hurt on him!
I think he wants you to put the hurt on him!
You think he wants me to put the hurt on him?!
Yes, I do!
[Mordecai & Rigby scream. Mordecai throws Rigby down onto the trampoline, launching him into the wall. The impact leaves a large hole in the wall and Rigby ends up in a trash can]
Uhhh..... [Stands up] Uuuuhhhhyyyy.... [Removes trash can] Yea-uh!! Did you see how awesome it was when I hit the trampoline?
Hahahaha! Yeah, I did! But it wasn't as awesome as when you punched that hole in the wall!
[They both begin laughing]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.