[To Mickey crying] Look, I know he was your dad, but the guy was an awful human being.
Yeah, I know. He was a huge piece of shit.
Look, Terry hated you. Hated us.
This is your fuckin' fault.
You're the one that hired the nun. Was she even a nun?
She said she was a great caretaker.
This is really unfair, man. I could've killed that fucker, like, a thousand times. This bitch just swoops in?
Hey, are you crying 'cause you're pissed off or 'cause you're sad?
You stop asking me fuckin' questions! I don't know. I have no idea.
What the fuck?! Who fixed the drywall?
Someone fixed the drywall. [Scoffs] Not it.
So that means we're not selling the house, right?
Did I repair the damage that some dumbfuck did to my kitchen? Yeah.
My problem? You're the one who's mentally unstable.
What, 'cause I want to sell the house?
Yes! It's driving all of us crazy. I mean, Liam, am I right?
For real. Are we selling the house or not?
This is why I haven't pooped in three days.
Yeah, and I had sex with a gay guy. And now I probably have AIDS. So thanks a lot, Lip.
How is it my fault that you had sex with a gay guy?
...
We are not selling the house.
We are selling the house, all right?! Everybody got that?! No more conversations, no more bullshit, we're selling the fuckin' house! Let's go.
Still probably don't have AIDS. Everybody's on PrEP.
Well, I'm sure I have something.
Well, syphilis, maybe. Gonorrhea. Lots of that going around.
Ah, relax. That's like saying you walked on the beach and you have sand between your toes. Should probably hit a clinic, though.
[Unfurling architectural blue prints in upstairs hall with Carl appearing] Oh, shit. You guys bugged the house, didn't you? Either way, you gotta have a search warrant to come in here. None of this is admissible in a court of law.
Oh, shit. My God. I thought you were a real cop.
Suckers put money in retirement plans. Me? I planned the perfect heist.
What, are you gonna rob a bank?
"A bank". Please. The ICOE heist is special.
We're gonna rob the Art Institute.
[Sets placemats on table for daughters in Alibi Room] All right, girls. [Amy swipes placemat on floor] No! Amy, no! Unacceptable! We do not act like that! Here, just watch a movie.
GGemma
We want to go to school.
Guys, I want you to go to school, too. I really do. But I told you there's no school today. It's a teacher work day. Which is so great 'cause it's a Daddy work day, too.
Yeah, I want Mommy too, okay? But she's not here. She's in Kentucky. Please just... watch a movie.
What's V doing in Kentucky?
[Sighs] She's helping her mom move.
She left you in charge of the girls?
Yeah, she left me in charge of the girls. Shut up. Where's Tommy?
I don't know. At work, I guess. Why?
It just freaks me out when you're here by yourself.
[Enters with rolled up blueprint tube] Could I get a shot of Jamie, please?
Hey, Frank. It's me, Kevin.
Hey, Kevin. It's me, Frank. Why are we talking like we're on the phone?
Oh, I just didn't know if you remembered me.
What's with the notebook?
A heist. I'm putting the gang back together for one last job.
Cool. You used to be a thief or something?
One of the best. You might've heard of one or two of our escapades. The Purolator heist? Elizabeth Stewart Gardner Museum?
Doesn't matter. [Raise glass] Best of luck.
Yeah, you go get 'em. Cheers.
Thanks, boys. Well, I'm outta here. Don't mention anything to anybody about the heist. Discretion is vital.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, Frank, I'm pretending that I don't know.
Frank? [Points to shot glass still full]
What? Oh. [chuckles softly then drinks up] Mm. [To Kermit] How you doin'? Oh, sht. [Walks out humming to self]
NNurse
Doing an STD panel today?
NNurse
Any particular reason?
Uh, yeah. I think my stupid brother gave me an STD.
NNurse
You had sex with your brother?
Oh, my God, no. Jesus. What would happen if I did? Would he go to jail?
NNurse
I'd have to report it. Incest is illegal in Illinois. He'd probably spend two to five years in jail.
Oh. It's temping... [groans softly] But extreme. I just want to stay in my house.
NNurse
Honey, why are you here?
I had unprotected sex with a gay dude.
NNurse
What does that have to do with your brother?
Well, he wants to sell the house we grew up in. I don't wanna sell the house. I may have overreacted a little bit and gotten drunk and had unprotected sex in the back of a skanky-ass bar.
NNurse
You think your brother planned to sell the house so you'd have unprotected sex with a stranger and get an STD?
NNurse
I doubt you have AIDS. You probably don't have anything, but I am gonna give you a penicillin shot just to be safe.
[Nurse holds up needle] Jesus.
NNurse
I need you to pull your jeans down, bend over slightly.
I'm gonna fuckin' kill Lip.
AArthur
I'm surprised the captain didn't assign us the "Nighthawks." Half the force is out lookin' for that painting. Ever seen it?
No. Not that I can remember.
AArthur
I did once. Field trip in the seventh grade. Who do you think did it? The Russians? So they can hang it in Putin's secret billion-dollar palace just to screw with us?
AArthur
A heist like that takes finesse, planning. Russians are great at that sneaky stuff... Stealing nuclear secrets, elections.
Probably just some old man who wandered into the museum, saw something he liked, and took it.
AArthur
An old man? I doubt it.
Well, what would the punishment be for someone like that if they turn themselves in?
AArthur
Is the old man white and rich or Black or poor? If he's rich, he'll buy himself a fancy lawyer and get off with time served. If he's poor, accidentally shot during the arrest.
Poor people always get screwed.
Did you steal that painting?
There's security cameras, alarms, guards. How did you do it? According to the news, they don't know who took it or how or when.
Ha! Iko, baby. [Chuckles and looks in mirror of shop] Dad?
Oh, God. When did I get so old? Where are we going?
Give me your arm. I'm writing Lip's number down in case we get separated. I need your help with this kid Wen Chung, see if I can get him to fail his math test on Monday.
The STEM charter middle school I want to go to automatically accepts the first kids in each class. Everyone else has to compete for the few remaining spots. I'm number two.
Thinkin' I'll play the Black card. Then the poor card. Then maybe even the dead-mom card.
You could tell him you're gay, too.
Ooh. That's a good idea. The gay card's always a winner.
Whatever it takes. But you can't let China steal your future.
This is still America, right?
Are you asking? Greatest country on Earth.
No little Chinese communist bastard can ever take that away from you, no matter how many COVID flus they send our way, try to kill us.
You stay up all night again?
Yeah, I'm an officer, but what does that even mean? All I see is lazy cops who do nothing or hard-ass cops who don't give a shit about the community. It's like I don't wanna be either one of those, so what's the point?
No, no. Look, I'm sorry, man, I do, I wanna listen to you, but could we do it another time? My brain can't switch gears right now.
[Walks away] That's fine.
[Comes down stairs] Jesus... loud! Early!
Yeah, well, I gotta try and get this finished.
Ew! Ass fuck! [Kicks Frank's bed waking him] You shit yourself, Frank! What the fuck?!
[Meets Frank in hallway] Frank.
I just shat the bed and pissed myself.
I'm lost. Spent. Used up.
You're just being dramatic.
I'm hopelessly wandering in a world I don't recognize.
It's just a bad morning for you. Happens to the best of them. What are you doing today?
Me neither. Let's have some fun.
Come on. It's like you used to always tell me. Either you run the day, or the day runs you.
[Sighs] Just get in the shower. We're gonna do some Frank things.
Yeah. Drinking, scamming... You know, Frank things.
[Walks up to her] Sergeant Stamps.
SStamps
Need you to apologize to Mr. McManus, Carl.
That the guy with the "Merce-Benz"?
SStamps
He's filing a brutality claim against you.
AArthur
I'm gonna go with door number two... slamming the guy against his car.
SStamps
This can all go away. Say a few words, "I'm sorry," blah, blah, blah.
SStamps
Most likely, he'll drop the claim. It'll save the department K.
So what? Every time someone complains, we just apologize and it goes away?
AArthur
If the person's a rich a-hole with an attorney.
SStamps
[Chuckles] Ready?
AArthur
You got this, Carl.
SStamps
[Carls walks up to Stamps with McManus] Mr. McManus, Officer Gallagher has something to say to you.
MMcManus
Excuse me if I don't, uh, do a jig. I got two dislocated discs in my neck, thanks to you.
I'm very sorry about that, sir. I was out of line, and it won't happen again. Well, I hope we can all put this behind us.
SStamps
Officer Gallagher, you may go back to work now.
Thank you, ma'am. [Walks away]
MMcManus
That's it? You're gonna let him get off that easily?
SStamps
Gallagher, hold up.
MMcManus
I'm a victim here.
MMcManus
I was simply double-parked in front of my building, and you slammed my body up against my car.
MMcManus
[Sighs] Well, now I know how every Black person in America feels.
Did you actually just say that?
That you, a privileged piece of shit who evicts people from their apartments can relate to how Black people feel, who are literally m*rder*d at the hands of the police department?
MMcManus
Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I do relate to them.
No, stop. I was fine apologizing to your entitled ass to make this all go away, but I can't play this game anymore. I spent the last few months trying to figure out what kind of cop I wanna be, and I'll say this...
SStamps
I haven't met a lot of good role models here. Why don't we regroup and...
...but this jagoff made me realize what kind of cop I wanna be now.
SStamps
I'm not sure you'll have much of a choice at this point.
I wanna be the type a cop who stands up for those who don't have a voice... The lost, the forgotten. They deserve a fair share, even if that means rich pricks like you, Mr. McManus, have to pay the price in order to re-balance the scales of justice. So, with that being said, I take my apology back.
MMcManus
Mm-hmm. I'll see you in court, dickwad. [Walks away]
SStamps
[Softly] Gallagher.
AArthur
Last piece of pound cake! Goin' once, goin' twice, sold to Arthur Tipping!
[Entire cast is sitting on door steps of Gallagher residence]
We’re not doing this, telling you what happened on Shameless last week anymore. We’re sick of it.
It insults your intelligence.
They don’t pay us enough.
What, they pay you guys for this?
[They all turn heads to Kevin] Yeah. You don’t get paid?
Well, fuck me! [They all snicker]
[Ian pulse checks an unresponsive Frank on the couch] Is he dead?
Grampy went tinkle in his pants.
Ugh, damn it. Not on the new couch.
[Walks up] Hey, what’s goin’ on?
How much heroin did he do?
Yet another disadvantage to decades of copious narcotics use.
Should we, like, call the paramedics or something?
No, he’s done this before a bunch of times.
He may be trying to kill himself. He’s been depressed. The dementia’s getting bad.
Hand me that syringe. [Ian hands her one and she pricks Frank's hand]
Or he’s already brain-dead. That happens with overdoses.
I guess it’s up to us to finish him off. Quick so*t to the head, dump his body in the lake. I don’t think anybody’s gonna miss him. What? We’d just be helpin’ Mr. Fuckup finish the job.
HHeidi
You could pillow him. That’s what my dad did to my grandpa so we could sell his double-wide. Couldn’t afford his oxygen refills anymore.
Debbie’s got a new friend.
HHeidi
Hey, you check his pockets, see if he got any money on him?
