Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[In the Jelly Cabin… Lazlo is still asleep in bed, but not for long when Raj and Clam enter]
[waking up] Hey, guys. You bring back any pancakes?
No time for flapjack talk, Lazlo. Clam is going on the lam!
[sitting up] He's what?
He stirred himself up a mess of trouble. Our friend Clam has become an outlaw!
Get a rope.
Sir?
We'll need one to get the bus out.
Oh, yeah, right.
[playing the keytar] Let me tell you about a dude... [murmuring while playing] ...who can be a bit... [key line] ...rude. He'll get you some.... [pause]
Food.
FOOD! And maybe a...hot dog or something. [stops playing the keytar] ALL RIGHT, HE'S OUTLAW! LUMPUS ALRIGHT, ME?! [the Bean Scouts looked puzzled] HERE COMES THE BRIDGE! YEAH!
Now, we've got to decide what to do about Chip and Skip. If they're not stopped, they may destroy the whole world.
But what can we do?
We can hit them! It's always worked for me!
Let's try to think of something nonviolent.
Then I got nothing.
Chip? Skip? Are you guys down there? [Chip pops out of the hole] Where's the other one?
[pops out of Chip's mouth] This better be good.
Let's see, what do you think?
[examines the penny] Hmm, not bad... [Chip starts to smile] ...But not good. [Chip frowns] It's a fake!
What? But, how do you know?
Our penny had a picture of Abraham Lincoln on it.
That penny has a picture of Abraham Lincoln on it.
Our Abraham Lincoln had an eyepatch.
And a Banjo.
[Lazlo's eyes roll crazy and his head explodes]
Keep you're phoniness penny [gives the headless Lazlo back the penny]
How dumb those he think we are?
But you can't have a funeral until the search is called off.
It was called off this morning.
Who called it off?
President Frankenstien...
[as President Frankenstien] I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm okay!
I'm not!
What if he goes poopie? [Baby Raj releases a loud fart as he messes his diaper] Too late.
Oh, it looks like it's a baby.
A what?
Well, a baby is like a little person, who will one day grow up to be a big person.
Sweet mother of science, what will they think of next?
Now that was weird.
Son?
I think I'm going now.
Going but where?
Back to camp and outdoor living. I am through with gadgets.
[enters the Fava cabin] Good morning, every-- [surprised and horrified at Samson's appearance] Whoa! What happened to Samson?
You know that freak paper-cut accident he had at the post office yesterday?
Don't tell my he's allergic to paper.
Uh-huh.
Talk about bad luck.
[reaching out his hand; weakly] Lazlo? [Lazlo hops onto his bed] I just can't seem to catch a break.
Can I help you?
[carrying a box of letters] I need to mail some letters. But I can't lick the envelopes. [points to his short tongue, clicking it]
Gretchen? GRETCHEN!
Look, Almondine, I already told you, the Wingnut Sisterhood Club is an exclusive club!
Uhh… What makes it exclusive?
What do you got?
Well, um… Oh! I can spot a mouse from three miles and can write with both hands!
Then we're exclusive of ambidextrous birds of prey. Now, SCRAM!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
