Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Punch me in the face.
Punch you?
Yes, punch me, in the face. Didn't you hear me?
I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're speaking, but it's usually subtext.
Oh, for God's sake! [He punches John in the face. John punches him back] Thank you, John, that was-- [John tackles Sherlock and grabs him in a chokehold] Okay, I think that's enough now--
You want to remember, Sherlock, I was a soldier! I killed people!
You were a doctor!
I had bad days!
Look at those cheekbones. I could cut myself slapping that face. Would you like me to try?
[Irene Adler is stark naked while introducing herself to Sherlock and John; Sherlock struggles to make deductions about her]
D'you know the big problem with a disguise, Mr. Holmes? However hard you try, it’s always a self-portrait.
You think I'm a vicar with a bleeding face?
I think you're damaged, delusional and believe in a higher power. In your case, it's yourself. And somebody loves you... Oh, if I had to punch that face, [Looks at John] I'd avoid your nose and teeth too.
[Laughs] Could you put something on please, anything at all... a napkin?
Why? Are you feeling exposed?
I don't think John knows where to look. [Stands up and offers coat to Irene]
No, I think he knows exactly where. [Stands in front of John] I'm not sure about you. [Takes coat from Sherlock]
If I wanted to look at naked women, I'd borrow John's laptop.
You do borrow my laptop.
I confiscate it.
I like detective stories - and detectives. Brainy is the new sexy.
Vatican cameos!
[Sherlock and John exit Irene's house after disarming the agents sent to ambush them]
We should call the police!
Yes. [fires a gun repeatedly into the air] On their way.
For God's sake...
Oh shut up, it's quick.
It's a disgrace, sending your little brother into danger like that. Family is all we have in the end, Mycroft Holmes.
Oh, shut up, Mrs Hudson.
Mycroft!
[A long pause] Apologies.
Thank you.
Though do in fact shut up.
[John's current girlfriend, Jeanette, offers Sherlock a drink]
No thank you Sarah.
[hurriedly trying to turn her away] Uh, no, no, no, no, no. He’s not good with names.
No-no-no, I can get this. No, Sarah was the doctor; and then there was the one with the spots; and then the one with the nose; and then ... who was after the boring teacher?
Nobody.
Jeanette! [grins falsely at her] Ah, process of elimination.
How’s the hip?
Ooh, it’s atrocious, but thanks for asking.
I’ve seen much worse, but then I do post-mortems.
[awkward silence]
Oh, God. Sorry.
Don't make jokes Molly.
No. Sorry. [Lestrade hands her a glass of red wine] Thank you. I wasn’t expecting to see you. I thought you were gonna be in Dorset for Christmas.
That’s first thing in the morning, me and the wife. We’re back together. It’s all sorted.
[offhandedly] No, she's sleeping with a P.E. teacher.
[Lestrade’s smile becomes rather fixed. Molly turns to John]
And John. I hear you’re off to your sister’s, is that right?
Yeah.
Sherlock was complaining- [gets a dirty look from Shelock] -Saying...
First time ever, she’s cleaned up her act. She’s off the booze.
[offhandedly] Nope.
Shut up Sherlock.
I am really sorry.
You know, my friends are so wrong about you.
Hmm?
You're a great boyfriend.
[surprised] Okay, that’s good. I mean, I always thought I was great.
And Sherlock Holmes is a very lucky man.
[groans] Jeanette please-
No, I mean it. It’s heart-warming. You’ll do anything for him – and he can’t even tell your girlfriends apart.
No, I’ll do anything for you. Just tell me what it is I’m not doing. Tell me!
Don’t make me compete with Sherlock Holmes.
I’ll walk your dog for you. Hey, I’ve said it now. I’ll even walk your dog-
I don't have a dog!
No, because that was...the last one. Okay.
Jesus!
[Jeanette storms out]
I'll call you!
No!
Okay.
[John turns back to face the rest of the room]
That really wasn’t very good, was it?
[A body at the morgue, face beyond recognition. Sherlock asks to view the full corpse, instantly identifies the naked body as Irene Adler's, and leaves.]
[to Mycroft]: How did Sherlock recognise her from -- not her face?
Look at them. They all care so much. Do you ever wonder if there's something wrong with us?
All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage, Sherlock.
[On Sherlock] He will outlive God trying to have the last word.
Does that make me special?
I don't know, maybe.
Are you jealous?
We're not a couple.
Yes you are. [Texting] There. "I'm not dead. Let's have dinner."
Who the hell knows about Sherlock Holmes, but... for the record, if anyone out there still cares — I'm not actually gay.
Well, I am. Look at us both.
[Neilson and his CIA agents have Mrs Hudson at gunpoint]
Oh, Sherlock!
Don't snivel, Mrs Hudson. It will do nothing to impede the flight of a bullet. What a tender world that would be.
CRIME IN PROGRESS. PLEASE DISTURB.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
