CCCaped Cod
Oh, that is better. I feel a deep sense of shame.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Thank you all for coming to this diabolical debriefing.
Whoa. No one said anything about taking our underpants off.
I'm trying to explain the plan. We're not taking off our briefs.
Oh, good. Cause that's where I'm keeping all the silverware I stole from Bird Brain.
Oh, remind me to never go to a dinner party at your house.
Quiet, you two! Behold, my de-good-i-fier! It sucks the good right out of people. If we use it on the T.U.F.F. agents, they'll turn evil, and they'll no longer stop us from committing crimes!
Oh, Bird Brain, that plan is genius.
I wish I could say the same about stuffing kitchen utensils under my briefs. There's a crab cracker in a very tendered spot.
Wait! The Rumble Bee?! That's my brother, the one who went to the Amazon without me! [groans] He must've been sprayed by those scientists and turned into a killer bee! THIS IS SO UNFAIR! [to Dudley and Kitty] The Rumble Bee doesn't need to be a killer bee. [to the viewers] He's already super bad! HE'S A MONSTER!
Forget about the snack pockets. Dudley shouldn't be playing with dangerous equipment. We're talking about a guy who eats crayons on a daily basis.
They make going to the bathroom colorful. Besides, all I did was create that frightening and mysterious hole in the air.
Oh, no! This is terrible. You got… [stutters] crayon on my lab coat!
TTherapist
How's your blog going?
Yeah, good. Very good.
TTherapist
You haven’t written a word, have you?
You just wrote "still has trust issues."
TTherapist
And you read my writing upside down. You see what I mean? John, you're a soldier. It's gonna take you a while to adjust to civilian life. And writing a blog about everything that happens to you will honestly help you.
Nothing happens to me.
[Unzips a body-bag, smiles at what he sees] How fresh?
Just in. 67. Natural causes. He used to work here. I knew him, he was nice.
Fine. We'll start with the riding crop.
[Cut to Sherlock vigorously beating the dead body with a riding crop. He stops suddenly.]
Bad day, was it?
I need to know what bruises form in the next twenty minutes. A man's alibi depends on it. Text me.
Listen, I was wondering. Maybe later when you're finished—
You're wearing lipstick. You weren't wearing lipstick before.
I, uh, I refreshed it a bit.
[beat] Sorry. You were saying?
I was wondering if you'd like to have coffee?
Black, two sugars please. I'll be upstairs.
[Sherlock leaves the room]
...Okay.
[Looking around at the morgue's lab equipment] Bit different from my day.
MMike
You've no idea.
Mike, can I borrow your phone? There's no signal on mine.
MMike
And what's wrong with the landline?
I prefer to text.
MMike
Sorry, it's in my coat.
Er, here, use mine.
Oh, thank you.
MMike
This is an old friend of mine, John Watson.
Afghanistan or Iraq?
Sorry?
Which one was it? In Afghanistan or Iraq?
Afghanistan. Sorry, how did you...?
[Molly enters]
Ah, Molly, coffee, thank you. What happened to the lipstick?
It wasn't working for me.
Really? I thought it was a big improvement. Your mouth's too small now.
...Okay.
How do you feel about the violin?
I'm sorry, what?
I play the violin when I'm thinking and sometime I don't talk for days on end. Would that bother you? Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other.
You told him about me?
MMike
Not a word.
Then who says anything about flatmates?
I did. Told Mike this morning I must be a difficult man to find a flatmate for. Now here he is, just after lunch, with an old friend clearly just home from military service in Afghanistan. Wasn't a difficult leap.
How did you know about Afghanistan?
Got my eyes on a nice little place in central London, we ought to be able to afford it. We'll meet there tomorrow evening seven o'clock. Sorry, got to dash, I think I left my riding crop in the mortuary.
Is that it?
Is that what?
We've only just met, and we're going to go and look at a flat?
Problem?
We don't know a thing about each other. I don't know where we're meeting, I don't even know your name.
I know you're an Army doctor, and you've been invalided home from Afghanistan. You've got a brother worried about you, but you won't go to him for help, because you don't approve of him, possibly because he's an alcoholic, more likely because he recently walked out on his wife, and I know your therapist thinks your limp's psychosomatic, quite correctly, I'm afraid. That's enough to be going on with, don't you think? The name is Sherlock Holmes, and the address is 221B Baker Street. Afternoon.
[He leaves. John glances at Mike.]
MMike
Yeah, he's always like that.
[upon first seeing Baker Street] Well this is a prime spot. Must be expensive.
Mrs. Hudson, the landlady, is giving me a special deal. She owes me a favour. A few years back her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. I was able to help out.
You stopped her husband from being executed?
Oh, no. I ensured it.
Brilliant! YES! Four serial suicides and now a note! Oh, it's Christmas! Mrs. Hudson, I'll be late. Put the kettle on. [Rushes out]
I had a husband like that once, always rushing about. But I can see you're more the sitting-down type. I'll get some tea, and you just rest your leg.
DAMN MY LEG! Sorry! I'm so sorry. It's just sometimes this thing is just...
I understand, dearie. I've got a hip.
You're an army doctor.
Yes.
Any good?
Very good.
Seen a lot of injuries, then? Violent deaths?
Well, yes.
Bit of trouble too, I bet.
Of course, yes. Enough for a lifetime. Far too much.
[beat] Want to see some more?
Oh, God, yes.
The game, Mrs. Hudson, is on!
Did I get anything wrong?
Harry and me don't get on, never have. Clara and Harry split up three months ago and they're getting a divorce. And Harry is a drinker.
Spot on, then. I didn't expect to be right about everything.
Harry's short for Harriet.
[stops walking] Harry's your sister.
What exactly am I supposed to be doing here?
[starts to stride along] Sister!
No, seriously, what am I doing here?
There's always something.
Ah, Anderson. Here we are again.
It's a crime scene. I don't want it contaminated! Are we clear on that?
Quite clear. And is your wife away for long?
Oh don't pretend you worked that out! Somebody told you that!
Your deodorant told me that.
My deodorant.
It's for men.
Well of course it's for men! I'm wearing it!
So's Sergeant Donovan. [sniffs] Ooh... I think it just vaporised. May I go in?
Now look, whatever you're implying—
I'm not implying anything. I'm sure Sally came round for a nice little chat, and just happened to stay over. And I assume she scrubbed your floors, going by the state of her knees.
[Sally looks visibly embarrassed]
Shut up.
I didn't say anyth—
You were thinking. It's annoying.
Cardiff?
It's obvious, isn't it?
It's not obvious to me.
Dear God. What is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring.
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