Well, it's official… and a little gross. Let's go get those presents!
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Ha! Good one, Keswick. I missed your cruel whimsy. Come on, let's share a piece of wedding cake. My stomach is rumbling.
That's not your stomach, Chief. It's the frosting pipeline. It's gonna [stutters] blow!
[Bird Brain and Zippy are both standing in front of the Brawny Booby clothing store]
Bird Brain, why are robbing the Brawny Booby? You always rob the Big-Bottomed Booby.
Because Zippy, I've made a serum out of the Bird of Powerdise flower! Once I take it, I'll be young, handsome, and I'll feel out a muscle shirt like no booby's business! There may be some freaky side effects like: uncontrollable skipping, and the inability to pronounce the letter "R." But, blue bottoms up! [gulps down the serum and grows a full head of hair and a stylish muscular body] Now, look at me. I'm WIPPED! Oh, dear. I sound widiculous. No matter, I look like a gweek god! Hooway! [skips on inside] Evewybody out! This is a wobbewy! [all the other boobys are confused; sighs in frustration] A bugwugwy?! Just get out! [puts on a pair of skinny jeans] Oh, this is fantastic. Finally, I can get into skinny jeans without gweasing my waist with butter.
Oh, no! Keswick's there! He was picked to be the judge because he's so good with kids.
We're in, Snaptrap! Time to get a new set of wheels.
Yeah, and as long as we're here, we might as well steal a whole car. But which one? The minivan has a DVD player and plenty of legroom for hostages. But the electric car is good for the stupid environment. And the engine's quiet, so our victims won't hear us coming.
Eh, boss, you better make a decision fast. T.U.F.F. is probably on the way.
Back off, Francisco! I'm having trouble deciding. Let's see. Bucket seats, moonroof, or should we all just go out for breakfast pasta? [Ollie splashes Snaptrap] Thanks, Ollie. The cold water cleared my head. I'm going with the minivan, and breakfast pasta.
Freeze, Snaptrap!
I already did. The water was ice cold.
Well, there is one good thing about your indecisiveness, boss. Because you couldn't decide what to steal, we didn't have to spend that much time in prison.
[accidentally pushes Ollie into the shark tank] Oh, stop trying to make me feel better. [sharks are biting Ollie] Let's face it. My inability to make choices is gonna ruin my criminal career. Or is it? I can't decide. I'm just gonna watch TV in my bone-bag chair.
Don't you mean beanbag chair?
That's ridiculous. Who puts beans in a chair? [sits on a cushion of bones]
[sees Dudley wearing a trash can on his head] Dudley, why are you wearing a trash can on your head?
Isn't it cool? Some smart girl on TV was wearing one. I heard she was poisoned.
This menu is huge! I'll never decide what to get with my breakfast pasta.
I like blackened catfish.
And I like blackened Larry. [blasts Larry]
We blew all our money on our pet projects. Keswick built "Robot Supermodel Einstein".
How do you know about "Crater Acres"? I mean, I did not!
I hereby call to order this meeting of F.L.O.P.P.: The Fiendish League of Potential Perpatrators!
It's just me, Meerkat. You don't have to yell. Also, I know what F.L.O.P.P. stands for.
[offended] You know, Escape Goat, you've got quite an attitude for someone who couldn't even escape from the shower this morning!
[Dudley and Kitty accidentally eat Keswick's Truth Syrup on their waffles, making them tell the truth]
Agent Puppy, I can't believe you misread the syrup bottle. Actually, I can't believe it. You can't even read the exit sign.
I read better than you think. I just pretended to be stupid to get Kitty to do my work for me. [realizes what he said in shock] Oh, no! What am I saying?!
That's okay, Dudley. It's not that much work. I just complain a lot so it looks like I'm doing more. Also, I think I'm better than all of you. [shocked by what she said] Oh, no! What am I saying?!
Keswick, it looks like your Truth Syrup works. What other secrets are you two keeping from us?
Mmm. Chief, this three-bean salad you made is delicious!
Thanks. Although to tell you the truth, I didn't make it. I just took it out of the refrigerator. There's all kinds of stuff in here.
[stuttering] Wait a minute. This is my Spill-The-Beans Salad! It's just as powerful as my… [stutters] truth syrup, but with fewer calories!
Oh, no! Truth beans give me gas. To be honest, I always have gas, but I blame it on Agent Puppy. Oh!
I never have gas. I'm an alien. Oops!
Keswick, are you really an alien?
No. Yes. I'm hiding out on Earth because I'm wanted on my own planet for cooking stinky fish at work. Super strict planet.
[Dudley and Kitty serve the D.O.O.M. agents some waffles with Truth Syrup on them, making them all tell the truth]
These are delicious. Francisco, pass me more syrup.
My name isn't really Francisco. It's Francesca. My mom wanted a girl. [realizes what he said] Wait, what am I saying?
Aw, that's okay, Francesca. I'm not really British. [in a French accent] I just faked the accent to sound smarter.
Something weird is happening. Suddenly I have the urge to tell Larry that I don't actually hate him. I'm only hard on him because I think he has the most potential to be evil.
And I have the urge to admit I've been putting black widows in your gym bag. [realizes what he said; freaking out] What's gotten into us?!
I just gave you truth syrup, and I didn't have to tell you because I can lie again. Keswick gave us the antidote-- Key Lie Pie!
[News footage on the screen monitor shows some police cars in front of a house robbery]
This is Wolf Spitzer with breaking news. There are reports that Bigfoot… Yes, Bigfoot, has robbed this strangely familiar home behind me. [realizes in shock] Wait, that's my house!
WSWolf Spitzer's Daughter
[tapping him in the shoulder] Daddy, Bigfoot… Yes, Bigfoot, stole my video games.
Well, sweetie, that's no big deal.
SMrs. Spitzer
He also stole your golf clubs.
That monster! [vengefully] Bigfoot must be hunted down and DESTROYED!
This is ridiculous! Bigfoot would never hurt anyone! He's kind, and generous, and he has a heart as big as his foot.
How would you know that, Dudley?
Because he came to comfort me when I was a kid after my mom sent me to bed without dessert. I didn't do anything wrong when we were just out of dessert.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.