Dudley Puppy, you crossed the Wong guy! Get it? 'Cause my name is Wong.
You know, this is a secret agency. We really should lock the door.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[in Jack's body; imitating Jack's voice] Here's my credit card, Mr. Wong. It should cover all the food Dudley ate. And all the food he's planning to eat in the future.
[takes the credit card; kindly] Thank you, wise and handsome stranger. [leaves the building]
[sitting in his chair, wearing his bunny slippers and robe; bummed] Woe is me. [sighs with depression]
Oh, are you depressed, boss?
Well, yes. Also, I've changed my name to "Woe."
What's wrong, Snaptrap?
[shouting angrily] IT'S "WOE", LARRY!
EKElderly Kitty
Dudley, what have you done?!
ECElderly Chief
Get him!
That chocolate volcano is gonna blow! We're going to get buried in hot fudge!
[The chocolate volcano then erupts]
[excitedly] Yay, hot fudge! [the fudge lands on his nose and burns him; painfully] OW, HOT FUDGE!
Keep working, Keswick. Here's a piece of pizza. [slides a slice of pizza under the door]
KKewsick
I CAN'T REACH THE PIZZA! Oh, [stuttering] SURE! I guess I'll just STARVE!!
Wolf Spitzer here for Access Hollywolf. I'm with former kid show host and convicted felon, Quacky the Duck, and his scary partner, the Sharing Moose. They are out of prison and making their first feature film.
Which is definitely a real movie, and not a villainy cover up for heinous crimes.
That's right. I spent a year in solitary writing the screenplay.
Seriously? You actually wrote a real screenplay?
It's a touch in celebration of life. And if the actors mess it up, they will never forget the taste of my FIST!
And who are these lucky actors of what you speak?
Well, Wolf, we cast three local suckers, I mean, local citizens in the starring roles.
[turns off the screen] What kind of idiots would wanna star in a Quacky the Duck movie?
[Elevator doors open]
KITTY, WE'RE STARRING IN A QUACKY THE DUCK MOVIE!
Attention T.U.F.F., soon there won't be candy for anyone.
Because we're stealing it. If you leave that part out, it's confusing.
It was clear to me.
That's because you know the plan. The T.U.F.F. agents don't!
Fellas, as much as I hate you two, I think we should put out a United Front for the good guys.
And I think you should be more clear when you call in a threat!
Oh, come on. United Front, group hug.
Villains out! Stop touching me, weirdo.
Oh, no! Agent Puppy's awake! I blame you two numbskulls. You haven't done anything right since we moved in together.
Excuse me, but we've been carrying your booby butt since day one. The Chameleon does all the cooking, and I threaten to shoot the pool man so he wouldn't overcharge us.
We do not have a pool man.
Pool man, little kid looking for a lost baseball. The point is, I pull my weight!
Now, now. Let's not blame each other. I've got another plan to delay Agent Puppy.
See? Why can't you be more like The Chameleon?
[hugs Snaptrap] Aww, that's sweet.
Don't touch me, weirdo.
Giant Hot Dog to base. I'm in position and feeling totally humiliated.
[through walkie-talkie] Pipe down and act delicious.
Time for my plan, which I'm calling the "not stupid" plan. [sees The Chameleon stuck in meatball form] [to Chameleon] Why are you still a meatball?
My transformation suit broke when Agent Puppy ran me over. This is bad. Charmaine hates Italian food.
No one cares!
[to Snaptrap; annoyed] You are one dumb rat.
As we were saying, before we were so rudely interrupted, you can't stop us because…
Yeah, yeah. We already know your stupid plan is legal.
We're also going to throw a book at the baby.
We're not doing that.
Bad guys out!
Yeah, of your common sense. You just rode your scooter up 40 flights of stairs.
[putting money in a safe vault in the wall of a motel room] This is my best plan yet! Soon, I'll have more money than I currently have! Plus, the old-lady sheep seem to really enjoy the Latin charms of Ricardo Muttonban. [disguises himself as Ricardo] Right until I take all of their money, that is! With this disguise, it's so easy to pull the wool over their eyes. Oh-ho, wow! That was clever, and it rhymed. Clever wordplay is the hallmark of comedy!
This is Wolf Spitzer with rich-people news. New super-easy-to-take-advantage-of socialite Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is throwing a cotillion.
[speaking in a falsetto accent] Which is a dance, and not the number that comes after a billion, like you would think.
This is Wolf Spitzer saying, "No one thought that." Anyway, every rich, old sheep in town is invited to Lady Wrinklesmith's yacht tonight.
That Wrinklesmith's face could stop a clock. [shudders in disgust] But I wonder how much she's worth?
In case you're wondering how much Lady Saggy Moneybags Wrinklesmith III is worth, it's--
A cotillion dollars!
We've been over this. That's not a number.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.