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S1 E15

Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15

“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

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“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15

In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)

I can't believe even William is drinking the Lex Kool-Aid.

Well, you gotta give him a little break, okay? The only people that know the truth are the ones whose memories have been restored. So it's Brainy, Nia, Kelly...

All the heroes who helped at the Crisis, including you know who, which just makes my blood boil.

Well, the Luthors are a breed of their own.

Yeah. Speaking of which, I have to talk to Lena.

Look, on this Earth, Lena and Supergirl are partners. And as far as I'm concerned, she's not trying to mind-control the planet. Plus, she doesn't hate you, so... so maybe Lena not having her memories is a good thing.

No, no. As much... as I would love to have a clean slate with Lena, I owe it to her to tell the truth. I made that mistake once; I'm not gonna do it again.

I've been looking for you.

Here I am.

So, uh, there's something I... I have to tell you. I know you think Lex is a good man, that he's your partner...

Save it. I already know.

What exactly do you know?

Crisis, what Lex did. What you did.

Lex.

That you took the punch. What did you think would happen when you came here? That you'd tell me everything in a fit of selflessness, even if it meant that I knew how you betrayed me, and then I'd just keel over and forgive you?

Lena, I hurt you. I... I know I hurt you. And I'm never, ever going to do it again. I know how much good you want to do in the world. Just think of what we could do together to help people.

Funny. Lex gave me the same pitch.

Will you truly be on your best behavior? No homicides?

No unnecessary homicides.

Let me guess. You're here to tell me once again that I should forgive you. Or maybe that I shouldn't work with my brother?

Not this time. I recognize I made a mistake in hiding my identity from you for so long, but the past is the past, and I can't change it. Forgive me or not, that's your choice. Just like it's your choice to work with Lex. I'm done blaming myself for your bad decisions.

Then why are you here?

To tell you that from now on, you're accountable for your own actions. If you decide to forgive me, I will be there for you. But if you continue to work with Lex, if you go through with whatever it is the two of you are planning, I will do everything in my power to stop you. Just like I would any other villain.

[First lines of the series; Some tourists are visiting the Petropolis art museum]

[disguised as a tour guide] And here's Petropolis Museum's most famous possession, the Kruger Rat.

TTourists

[amazed] Oooh!

Made of rare ratamantium, legend says that when the full moon hits its emerald eyes, they beam a hypnotic ray that controls the minds of rats.

[dropping in from the ceiling] Precisely why I'm stealing it!

RTRabbit Tourist

Who are you?

Who am I? Simply the most EVIL mind in all of Petropolis!

ETElephant Tourist

Oh, you, uh, Dr. Destruction?

What?! No!

HTHippo Tourist

You're the Kanga-rooster. The bouncing bird who lays the exploding eggs!

[sighs in annoyance] I'm Verminious Snaptrap! Dirty rat, and leader of the Diabolical Order of Mayhem! [holds up the D.O.O.M. sign]

TTourists

Never heard of you.

Well, you will, for I will control Petropolis, now that I have the Kruger Rat! [knocks off the glass case and steals the artifact]

Think again, Snaptrap! [rips off her disguise and makes a fighting pose] Hyah!

Well, if it isn't special T.U.F.F. Agent Kitty Katswell! [grabs a sword from a suit of rat armor] Ready to lose one of your, nine lives?!

I'd rather use my ten claws!

Always tell the truth, never take anything that doesn't belong to you, and never chew your butt in public! [chews his butt]

Two out of three. Not bad.

[T.U.F.F. headquarters; the scientists are doing research tests on Dudley while running on a treadmill with monitoring equipment hooked up to him and chasing his chew toy]

Okay, Keswick. What's up with the dog?

His name is Dudley Puppy, Chief. He's the perfect combination of every breed of dog known to man. The fleet feet of a Greyhound, the sensitive nose of a… [stutters] Bloodhound, with the bravery of a German… [stutters again] Shepherd.

We're secret agents, butt-munch, not superheroes. I speak 120 dialects fluently, mastered all forms of martial arts, and my claws are registered as lethal weapons.

Maybe you should register YOUR BREATH!

Careful, Kitty, he's part-Chinese… [stutters] Fighting Dog.

Beef with broccoli! [flicks Kitty in the nose] Orange chicken!

[sees a note tied to the rock] Hey, there's a note tied to it. [reading the note] "Dearest Kitty, you ruined my life by putting me in prison. But I've escaped, and I'm going to make you pay! Kindest regards, The Cham-ah-lee-on." Who's the Cham-ah-lee-on?

Uh, it's pronounced "Chameleon." He's a criminal genius and a… [stutters] master of disguise.

Stop using me to hit people, Dudley! Or should I call you… THE IDIOT?! [bashes Dudley on the head with her fist]

I still can't believe T.U.F.F. agents get to take vacations. Aren't we supposed to be protecting the world from evil?

Don't worry, Dudley, T.U.F.F. and D.O.O.M. have a longstanding agreement to take a vacation in the last week of August.

[Cut to D.O.O.M. Headquarters]

We're not taking a vacation!

OFOllie, Francisco, Larry and Skunk

[disappointed] Aww…

But, Snaptrap, I already booked D.O.O.M. timeshare in Acapulco. I wanted to go snorkeling.

You can snorkel in the shark tank, Larry!

Mmm! What are these delicious crumbly things?

[takes out blue cheese] Blue cheese, boss.

Waaah! [he starts puffing up]

Come to think of it, aren't you allergic to cheese?

Well, thank you, Captain Obvious!

[sighs] This is the greatest vacation ever. [his monokini floats] Okay, now it's weird.

[enters T.U.F.F. Headquarters and sees all filed papers piled everywhere and is in a complete wreck] What in blazes?! Have we been attacked by D.O.O.M.?!

No, Chief. We're just a little disorganized since we lost our secretary.

The secretary quit?!

No, we literally lost her. She took a 10-minute break, stuff piled up, and we never… [stutters] saw her again. Rosemary, if you can hear us, shoot up a flare!

This is a nightmare! We've gotta hire a new secretary! (But who?)

So, they need a new secretary, hmm? Now I have the perfect cover to get into T.U.F.F.! [disguises himself as a female French poodle] I am now Fifi Ouioui! French poodle secretary! I'll need a convincing French accent. [clears throat] Sacre bleu. Croissant. Eiffel Tower. Perfect! What's not so perfect is that French poodles can't stick to walls! [falls and hits the ground] As they say in France, ow là là!"

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