Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
...and I was quite shocked when you called Kathy a knucklehead, Mark.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did. You said she was a knucklehead and she should knuckle down or you'd knuckle her fat head. Then you stamped on Gerrard's foot.
That was an accident.
No it wasn't.
But it could have been. I was careful to make sure that it could have been.
Sit down. Clear your tubes. 'Cause you and me are gonna chow down on the biggest hairy motherfucking business shit-storm since Enron.
Oh right, so, now she's finished with you, suddenly you're in love with her again?
Exactly. Duh! That's how love works Mark.
Jeremy?! What the hell are you doing here?
Me? Oh. Nothing. I was just passing through... Kettering... And I thought, hey I know someone who's gone to Kettering for the weekend.
Look, Suze. Being black isn't about the colour of your skin. It's about vibe, hanging out, kicking back, smoking a number. Fighting prejudice and negative stereotypes wherever you find them! Yeah? I'm down with all that! Is Johnson? I mean, what's Johnson done for black people lately?!
You mean... apart from his mentoring and community work?
...Yeah, apart from that!
Jeremy, you tried to sell my body to another man for private gain. I don't want to talk to you. Goodbye.
[Suze leaves, the Barman stares at Jeremy]
I did not try to sell her body. I tried to rent out her sexual organs [beat] on a one-use basis.
You should try and sum up all your aims in the first line.
Right, look, this is a very complex business proposal so I really don't think you could sum up all the aims in one line.
If you can't sum up all the aims in the first line then they're too diffuse.
Look, my aims are not too fucking diffuse, okay?!
Fine! Jesus! They just might be too diffuse. That was all I was saying...
(Great... Now I'm getting an angry lap dance... Brilliant...)
And have I lived enough? I mean, I've only slept with four men. Is that enough?
Four?... Oh... Yeah. (Jesus. I've had sex with more men than that, and I basically only sleep with women.)
You know what this piece of paper says, Jeremy?
Is it something to do with history? Have they stopped history books?
This piece of paper says that I am fucked.
Oh. That's horrible, who sent you that?
It's my plan for Project Zeus
Let's have a look.
[The paper reads only "PROJECT ZEUS"]
That's what I've got to go through that door and pitch to the entire JLB board in 10 minutes.
Shit.
I'm about to walk into a boardroom gangbang and get fucked by the biggest swinging dicks in corporate strategy.
Maybe you should run away.
Right, thanks Jez.
Well, I mean, people say it like it's a bad thing, you know, running away from your problems. But if your problems never catch up with you, what's the hitch?
Right, well, in this case there would be repercussions.
What do you care? You'd be in the woods, playing the ukulele with the rabbits and the squirrels!
I suppose I could... run away.
Do it, man!! (I think that was good advice... I mean, I didn't actually expect him to do it... Maybe I wouldn't have said it if I thought there was any chance of him actually doing it... But... yep, there he goes.)
(God, I'm running away! This is brilliant! Maybe I'll go to KFC and have a whole bargain bucket! Or I could join al-Qaeda! Maybe I'll marry my lap dancer! I do think in a weird way we had a connection... fuck the Blockbuster's fine, I'm going clear!)
(Hiding out in a car park. He's not exactly Grizzly Adams, but it's a start.)
(Right, here I go. Palms dry. Mouth dry. Inter-buttock area moist.) So. [clears throat] Integrating sales and marketing, Project Zeus. The bad news is... it doesn't work. But, look, big picture... so what? Maybe we shouldn't be in the credit business at all, m-maybe we should look at, uh, human rights or, or global warming, I mean these are just ideas, but... w-where's the humanity? I suppose that's what I want to ask you today, if anything... where is the humanity? [puts a hand on Johnson's shoulder] Old friend. (Shit. I'm crashing and burning. That stupid bloody hippie sold me down the river! Plan B. ...what is plan B?) Right, o-o-okay, you - you can stop the murmuring. Please, s-stop murmuring. Un-unless you think it's nice to murmur a-at someone who's... dying!? (Did I just say that? I did just say that.) Yep, th-th-that's right, I've got brain cancer; half my brain's been eaten away al-already, probably, but I think I did a pretty decent job for a man with a brain tumour the size of a pineapple who - who's going to be dead within a month! (Uh, plan C. Is there a plan C?!) Ah! Ah, my brain, my poor diseased brain! [falls into a chair, blinking awkwardly]
[stands] Yep... I'd just like to assure everyone that Mr. Corrigan will indeed be dead in a month.
I'm marrying her, what more does she want?
Mark, are you having some sort of mental breakdown?
I'm just joining the gym. Get some exercise, and some time... not away from Sophie, just... without her.
.....
You should join too. You get a free pen!
Can you take some more? Can you? Do you want it? Do you want it?
NO!
What?
No, I don't want it, alright? Fuck off! You've made it too hard, I can hardly fucking pedal! No mountain is this hard, it's just not realistic!
[after joining Nancy in the sauna] (Could use my sauna line.) Phwoor. Cor, it's like a sauna in here! [Nancy laughs] (Classic line. That is just a great line. Gotta manoeuvre more dates into saunas.)
[after being trapped in the flotation tank] I've got to get out. It was so dark! So dark!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
