Nothing means anything to you, does it? Friendship, loyalty - they're just fusty old words like sixpence and codpiece to you, aren't they?
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Promise me you will not try to sleep with her.
JJez
I promise I will try not to sleep with her.
So. You slept with her. You promised.
JJez
I promised to try not to.
Yeah, well you didn't try very hard did you.
JJez
Mark, I tried incredibly hard. It just turns out it was literally impossible not to.
JJez
Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for wankers.
Frosties are just Cornflakes for people who can't face reality.
JJez
It's probably some young black kid who's been accused of stealing a bun, and I'm going to set him free.
No smoke without fire? Is that what 1000 years of British Judicial Law has come down to? No smoke without fire?!
Saying 'I Love You' is like firing first in a duel; if you miss, you're fucked!
JJez
Sometimes I tell them I love them early on on a first date just to get things off to a good start.
Doesn't that... devalue it a bit?
JJez
No. Maybe. A bit. Who cares, it works.
You'd be the first to admit that you're not the most rational thinker.
JJez
No I wouldn't!
You still don't understand what happens in Ocean's Eleven.
JJez
It's a complicated film.
It really isn't.
JJez
Oh that is typical. "Jeremy can't be trusted to judge the woman he's sleeping with but ... Tony Blair can?"
JJez
Look Mark, I'm a musician, in case you'd forgotten. Yeah? I answer to a higher law. The law of "if it feels good, do it".
Oh, that's a great law isn't it? What's that, Gaddafi's law?
JJez
It's the musician's law. Colonel Gaddafi could not lay down a bass hook, Mark. That should be clear even to you!
Sophie! The Sophster! Sophistry!
So, a candle stuck in a wine bottle apparently doesn't cut it anymore. Now for a special night you have to have Class-A drugs and... fisting.
[About ecstasy]
JJez
Jesus Mark, why didn't you bang one?
Because I don't want to wake up dribbling in a phone box with a trucker's penis in my ear!
It's like I'm trapped in a giant Aero!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.