Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[sadly exits Vanzilla and knocks on the front door of Clyde's house; Clyde answers the door] Happy Birthday, Clyde.
Whoa! What's with the mud and the look of shame? Are you okay?
It's a long story. [fade to nighttime; finishing telling Clyde everything that happened] But I forgot the lamp was in there, and it leaked all over my phone and destroyed the message! So I got you nothing. I'm really sorry, buddy.
[Realizes her favorite clown] Wait! Hold on a sec! Honkers? [Excitedly throws her suitcase to the ground and stretches her arms out] That guy was a LEGEND in birthday circuses AND rodeos!
Flo, wait. There isn't a thief at Sunset Canyon.
Huh?
[sighs in shame] Spike ate Honker's nose.
[shocked] WHAT?!
He must've gotten out of his cage while you were baking and, I just… didn't want to ruin a good thing. You both seem so happy.
[coldly] Lana, I want you out of my room.
But--
Now! And take that hedgehog with you.
[sadly takes Spike out of the cage and exits the room] Look, Flo, I know animals can be messy, peeing in your shoes, and chew stuff up, but the love you get from them is so worth it. Francis spent his whole like making people happy. Don't you think he'd want the same for you?
[Flo turns away her from with a grumpy look; After Lana leaves, she looks at the photo of her and Francis from their wedding]
Lana, wait up! You're right. I've been so shut off since Francis left and afraid to let anyone in. But you and Spike showed me that opening up is worth it. [as Lana gives Spike back to her] There's still love to be found, even between two prickly folks. Right, buddy? [Spike growls softly; growls in return, then giggles]
[in unison] Dad, meet my new girlfriend.
[in unison] Mom, meet my new boyfriend.
[crossly] Rodney.
[also cross] Annette.
[They get into each other's faces and growl with bloodshot eyes]
[confused] You guys know each other?
Oh, oh, oh, oh, believe me, I know the owner of Garb 4 Guys. The rat who spread rumors that the pants I sell cause severe chafing!
Ha, says the weasel owner of Duds for Dudes who told everybody my socks overstretch! It'll be a cold day in Haberdashery before my daughter dates your son!
Well, I'd rather spit on my spats than let my son date your daughter!
But Amber and I made plans to go to Jean Juan's on Valentine's Day!
Over my dead cufflinks!
[groans] Why did I have to open my big mouth?
[Valentine's Day at Jean Juan's French Mex Buffet… The restaurant has been decorated for the Kisses, Crepes, and Karaoke event]
[speaking into the microphone; hosting] Happy Valentine's Day, and welcome to Kisses, Crepes, and Karaoke! I'm Trevor Budden. Some of you may know me as a middle school music teacher or last year's karaoke crowd fave, but tonight, I am just…
Hopelessly single? [laughs] Even Liam's chickens have somebody.
[sarcastically] I was gonna say "your host", but thanks for the empathy.
[Rusty and Amber's song has been cut off by Rodney and Annette, and they're not happy when they found out about the ruse]
My own son has betrayed me! Good thing I came back to give Mr. Budden his 30-point pants fit inspection.
Ugh, I just came back for taquitos! Who knew they were served with a side of deceit?!
You're grounded for life!
[staring at Bobby's latest post on Swifty Pic, panicking over the idea of him moving on] How in the world did Bobby find someone before me?! This is so not okay! I have to find a boyfriend, stat!
Wait a minute. I thought you were happy on your own.
I was, until I saw this. Now the whole world's gonna think Bobby won the breakup! I'll look pathetic.
[gasps] And if you look pathetic, then I look pathetic!"
Don't worry. I'll fix it. For both of us.
[talking to Lincoln and Clyde about hearing one of the students calling her a teacher's pet while doing crunches in gym class] I mean… Teacher's pet? Can you believe he said that?! [frantically] What was that? That was a look. You exchanged a look.
No, we didn't. We were just… doing eyeball stretches. [Lincoln agrees and they glance in random directions] Good for your peripheral vision. Ow! Ocular cramp.
Okay, look. We may have heard a few people call you a Goody-Two-Shoes.
[flings the medicine ball in shock which sends Lincoln flying back] What?! They called me a Goody-Two-Shoes too?! That's even worse than I thought!
Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. I get it all the time and I'm cool with it.
[Stella drags the award, chained to Principal Ramirez's desk to a bridge over a river, and prepares to throw it into the river, but the award hasn't touched the water]
[frustrated] Ugh! Come on! [prepares to throw the whole desk into the river]
[off-screen] Stella, stop! [runs up]
Principal Ramirez? How did you find me?
I just followed the drag marks. [gestures to the trail in the dirt; Stella pulls up the award and sighs awfully] Why are you doing this?
I'm sorry, it's just, everyone thinks I'm a goody-two-shoes and a teacher's pet as it is. I really appreciate what you and all the teachers are trying to do, but getting this award would only make things worse.
I understand. We just wanted to honor you because you're such a good kid. It's not always easy to do the right thing, but you always do. And we admire that about you. It's a shame you want to give this up because of what other people think. But I can buff out your name and give it to somebody else.
This season on The Dream Boat, things are about to get a whole lot louder. [shows the Loud family cheering with excitement]
[surprised] Wait, what are the Louds doing on The Dream Boat?
Our newest sea queen, Lori Loud, will be bringing her whole family along, as she looks for love on the high seas!
[gasps in utmost shock of horror, seeing that his beloved ex-girlfriend is on the reality dating show and looking for a new man to love] That's my ex-girlfriend, Lori, and she's looking for love! [starts hyperventilating] Oh no, I'm getting lightheaded. [passes out]
[getting a call from Ronnie Anne] Ronnie Anne!
Lincoln, I don't need to have much time for chit… Wait, you're not seriously just going to wear that fedora anywhere, wright, correct? [Lincoln takes off the fedora] We have a huge problem! Adding Bobby from Michoacán.
[Video call goes three-way with Bobby sobbing]
Yeesh, Bobby, calm down. What happened?
I happen to speak Bob-Sob, so allow me to translate. [clears her throat] Bobby just saw Lori on a promo for The Dream Boat. And he realized for the first time since they broke up that he's still in love with her. He doesn't want to lose her forever.
Wait, Bobby, if you want Lori back so badly, just call her and tell her.
Bobby says that must never work. If she's going on the other show here, she's obviously moved on. He's just going to get on that boat somehow and prove he's one person.
Okay. So, where do I come in?
He needs your help to pull this off. You're the other man with the other plan.
I'm in. Just wait there till I think I heard it. I'll be there to help you because I like to help you.
[Bobby is still sniffling, but he smiles this time]
He says, thank you. I also translate sniffle.
[Flip and Nacho, the Farrell twins, the McBrides, and everyone in Royal Woods is ready to watch Lori and the Louds on The Dream Boat as the show is about to start]
Welcome aboard, Romantics. I'm your beloved host, the man with a beautiful mane, Bryan Seavest. Will this season of The Dream Boat be smooth sailing? Or will a squall derail our sea queen's quest for love? Lori, are you ready to meet your suitors?
Literally, yes!
He's a fromage from Cannes, France who makes a mean romford and speaks the language of love. Let's meet Jacques!
[coming out from behind the curtain and waves] Bonjour, Mademoiselle. [kisses Lori's hand]
He's a social media star with a chiseled jaw and four-hundred-thousand followers on Swifty Pick. It's Jayden!
[walks up to Lori and extends his hand around her shoulder to take a selfie with her] Lori, I'm tired of taking selfies. I'm ready to take usies.
Ooh.
Our next suitor is a doctor, philanthropist, former road scholar, Heisman Trophy winner. [whistles] Jeez, can I marry this guy? Come on out, Jett!
[comes out of the curtain with a bouquet of Kentucky bluegrass flowers] It's Kentucky bluegrass. A little birdie told me you were a golfer. Get it, birdie?
[At Lynn's Table… patrons are also watching the show; Mr. Bolhofner and his pet bobcat, Rocket, are enjoying the all-you-can-eat buffet of Lori's faves]
[walking by with Principal Ramirez] Oh, it's all so exciting! I wonder who our leading lady will choose.
[In Portland, Oregon… Lori shows up at a trailer and knocks on the door, after realizing her mistake to be with Jett; The real Jeremy opens it, eating his chicharrones]
[not what she expected] Wait, you're not Jeremy.
Yes, I am. It's nice to finally meet you, Lori.
Huh?
I was supposed to be on the Dream Boat, but I got paid off by a short guy with white hair and an orange fedora. I don't think the fedora really worked, though.
[knowing that description anywhere] No one does. Sorry, I got to make a phone call.
[putting away his fedora hat] So long, Boat Lincoln. [gets a call] Hi, Lori. Wow, you look mad. [Lori drags the real Jeremy into view, sharply, knowing where this is going; gasps in shock] I can explain everything!
[Cut to Bobby arriving at the mercado in Michoacán on a stormy and gloomy night, takes off the Jeremy wig, and sheds a sad tear thinking he's lost Lori forever, then suddenly hears the door open and turns around]
[teasingly] Hey, Jeremy.
Lori, you figured it out.
Mmm-hmm.
Wait, but what are you doing here? Why aren't you with Jett?
'Cause he's not you. [tearing up] All that time on the ship, I kept being drawn to Jeremy. And now I know why. You're the only first mate for me, Boo Boo Bear.
[also tearing up] Oh, Babe, you're the only first mate for me, too.
[They embrace each other as the rain stops and the sun comes out and shines; Then they hear some familiar awwing, come out, and gasp; Both the Loud and Casagrande families are outside happily watching them reunite]
[points to Lincoln] Lincoln told us everything.
[Lincoln grins sheepishly]
And we were not going to miss this.
[The two families hug them; Bobby sobs again over all the love]
Translation: I love you guys.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
