“Unfinished Business” quotes from Criminal Minds

(At the Watterson house...)

(Nicole slams down a cereal box.)

Gumball

What the what is this? It looks like medieval prison food.

Nicole

It's cereal - real cereal.

Darwin

What's wrong with Smashmallows?

Nicole

I read the back of the box. This is so unhealthy that by the time you guys turn 13, your double chins will be touching your cankles.

Gumball

Well, at least the mascot doesn't look like a cowboy goat with high blood pressure.

Darwin

Please, Mrs. Mom. This cereal is so bleak, that if it were a movie, it would be Danish.

Nicole

I'm sorry, but the Smashmallows are going in the trash, and that's that.

(Their question still left unanswered, Gumball and Darwin mope through the neighborhood, until Gumball rolls over from his sulking.)

Gumball

Why isn't anyone able to answer our question?! TELL ME, UNIVERSE -- WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE??!

(In the bowels of space..)

(And so...)

If you think you've got a problem, and your life is full of doubt

Remember, in the scheme of things, your life just doesn't count!

To you, a leaf may seem quite small, but to an ant, it's ten feet tall

It's hard to be objective, so we'll offer some perspective

You think there's nothing greater than the planet you call Earth,

But Earth can seem quite skinny next to Neptune's mighty girth!

(Hey!)

(Relax!)

And if you think you've got a problem when you're thinner or you're fatter

Remember, in the scheme of things, your life just doesn't matter

Now, the sun can make us all feel small,

Cause he's the biggest of us all,

But that's just in the solar system

Bigger things than that exist:

The Milky Way, the galaxy, and don't forget the universe!

It may seem small to others, but they're huge compared to you or us

You're tiny and you're miniscule, irrelevant, a speck

On the dark side of that rock, you're just a measly little fleck

Your life may last a century on Earth or maybe quicker,

But, up here, 100 years is just a flash, a blip, a flicker!

So, when you think you've got a problem and your life is full of doubt

Remember, in the scheme of things, your

Puny, little, tiny, weeny,

Meager, futile, worthless, teeny,

Boring, foolish, pointless, minimal,

Wretched, bleak, obsolete, abysmal

LIFE JUST DOES NOT COUNT!!

(Back on Earth, Gumball and Darwin watch the sun, in their perspective, distortedly hum to the song.)

Darwin

What the--? What's up with that?

Gumball

I don't know, but the joke's on them. By the time they finish their smug little song, the sun would've collapsed under its own mass and exploded, so, pbht!

[in the library, Gumball attempts to ruin Alan's social page on ElmorePlus unnoticed while Darwin watches beside him]

Gumball

Right. What status update will ruin his life? Ohh, I know. [starts typing text out loud] "Oh my gosh, why are there so many drawn people in Elmore?!! Go back to your flat country and stop ruining our economy!" [hits send button; talks to Darwin] Nobody likes a 2D-ist.

[the status update immediately receives countless thumbs-down icons that the screen overwhelms Alan's social page. Alan returns while Gumball plays dumb]

Gumball

Oh, Alan! So, did you help 'em?

Alan

Everyone was okay, but I made them even more okay!

[Alan's face gets pummelled by multiple thumbs-down icons being launched from the computer]

Alan

[floats up, traumatized] WHAT HAPPENED?!!

Gumball

I just assassinated your social life. What are you gonna do about it?

[Alan snaps to a furious face as he floats menacingly near Gumball. But he kisses Gumball, and pulls his "saintly" face]

Alan

Thank you. Now I get a chance to befriend them all again. [Gumball thunders angrily as Alan floats away]

Gumball

I WILL BREAK YOU, MAN!!! NO-ONE'S THIS NICE!! NO-ONE!! BECAUSE IF THEY WERE, I'D HAVE TO ASK SOME VERY DIFFICULT QUESTIONS ABOUT MYSELF!!

Alan​​​​: AAH! Can you please stop making that noise?!

Gumball

What?

Gumball

Oh, but I don't understand. You mean this? [Squeaks floor]

Alan​​​​: [Yells] STOP IT, YOU JERK!

Gumball

YES! Ha ha! I finally dragged you down to my level! I knew you could be broken! Oh, I feel so much better about myself. I gotta go tell Darwin!

[Gumball runs off, and Alan screams in rage. Then Alan calms down, smiles, and makes his saintly face again]

(Gumball puts up a chair to protect him and Darwin from the exploding balloons.)

Gumball

Hang in there, buddy. We're almost there!

(Anais then bursts out of the shed, holding a 2-liter cola bottle.)

Anais

Not so fast, boys! (cowboy accent) I drop this unbranded mint into this here unbranded cola, it'll give me enough firepower to blast you through that darn fence!

Gumball

(cowboy accent) What are you gonna do with all them cupcakes? There's one of you and there's two of us.

Anais

They're for my friends only. I don't want you there eating everything and weirding them out. Just give up, and that'll be the end of it. Otherwise--

Gumball

Alright! We surrender... (normal voice) Oh, look! Your friends are here!

Anais

(gasps) Really?!

(Gumball and Darwin immediately gorge on the cupcakes, but they stop, twitching their eyes until their faces contort from the taste.)

Gumball

These aren't cupcakes. They're lemons! And the icing is baking soda!

(The chemical reaction from the baking soda and lemon juice causes fizzy bubbles to burst from the boys' eyes and mouths.)

Anais

The real stuff is in the shed.

(Anais drops the mint into the cola and blasts the boys through the fence with the cola cannon.)

[Then a teddy bear is seen cooking]

[Little Teddy burns his hands while attempting to bring out some cookies from an oven]

[The video switches to Little Teddy looking out from a window, and to a tree with a bird]

[Little Teddy falls out of the window, and hits the ground. The bird perches on Little Teddy's head and pecks his nose]

[Little Teddy is seen chasing a butterfly in a field]

[After running a long distance, Little Teddy knocks himself over with a rake]

[The video transitions to Little Teddy walking to an old woman about to cross a road]

[Little Teddy and the old woman start crossing the road]

[Little Teddy puts his arm around the old woman's shoulder, which angers her. The old woman screams, and beats his head with a crowbar until a bump rises from his head]

[As the old woman leaves, Little Teddy is hit by a speeding car]

[The scene flips over, and transitions to Little Teddy dancing inside a circle of singing children]

[The camera zooms out from a TV in Miss Simian's classroom. Beside it, Mr. Small is screaming, frightened by the video. Gumball, Darwin, Sarah, Leslie, Masami, Molly, and Tobias, who were watching the video, are frozen with horrified expressions on their faces]

Mr. Small​​​​​: Okay. Everyone, take the rest of the day off. I'm just gonna—

(Principal Brown gives Gumball detention (as Gumball's punishment) for accidentally doing wrong things)

Banana Joe

(storms away from Gumball)

[Darwin draws a watch onto his wrist. Seeing the time, he gasps before rushing to the room]

Darwin

Wake up! We're gonna be late for school!

Gumball

(sighs) I'll get up when the alarm goes off.

Darwin

But you've already pressed the snooze button!

Gumball

That was five minutes ago.

Darwin

That was an hour ago! Snooze time goes faster than regular time.

Gumball

(sighs) I just found the perfect position.

[Darwin pulls the cover off, revealing Gumball in a potentially bone-breaking position]

Darwin

Dude, it looks like you fell from the seventh floor.

Gumball

Come on, just another minute.

Darwin

[carrying Gumball] No, we're already late! See?

[Outside, the bus drives away, causing the boys to panic]

Gumball

Okay, all we need to do is set the clock back to "0", and everything will be fine. Spin it!

[Darwin spins the clock, sending the boys through time. They stop in a dystopian future]

Gumball

Uh, dude, I think you spun it too far...

[An explosion occurs]

Gumball

Let's go back a little.

[Gumball spins the clock again, this time sending them to space--the exact moment it was created via the Big Bang]

Gumball

(silently, via subtitles): [That was a big bang!] (To Darwin) [Too far back?]

[Darwin nods. Gumball spins the clock again.]