Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Could you take me to a veterinarian?
What?
You know, like in the movies 'cause they're also a doctor, just for animals.
You need to go to the hospital. Burns like that, you're gonna get infected. Maybe even go to the brain.
I need my brain!
Well, ya, hon, there was...you were abducted.
Stop saying that. I had a bad day. I needed some time to clear my head. Did I leave the house a mess? Well, shoot. I know you think I'm kinda this perfect woman, wife, mother, but you know, even I got a breaking point. Now, you want to set the table for breakfast? Gotta make sure Scott gets her vitamins and minerals for school. Most important meal of the day.
I was sheriff of this county when I was 25. Hard to believe. Grandfather was a sheriff. Father, too. Ranchers all. Working the land through times flush and fallow. There's a natural order of things. We know it in our bones. Jesus was a man, not some bearded lady. And just as water flows downhill, a husband is head of his household. Under him, the woman abides. She holds her virtue close until that matrimonial threshold is crossed, and then she opens to him, as the flower opens to the sun. And in exchange, the man shelters and protects his female, as the sword has its sheath.
...OK, but what I'm saying is, you-
No. He only raises his hand to her when she forgets her place and acts the man. And then only for instruction, never taking any pleasure or satisfaction from the task. Whereas you, son, seem to have played a Tommy Lee drum solo all over your missus's façade.
You say the woman is a woman, a...how do you...housewife. Never do you mention she is, for real, a tiger.
But what I'm dealing with is the fact that the blood on your entry floor is different than the blood type we have on record for you.
Records? Those...y'know, I heard a man went into the hospital in St. Paul for a kidney transplant and he ended up with someone else's brain.
No way!
Yah!
We're new in the Fargo office. We thought we'd come by and see why you aren't enforcing any of our laws.
What laws?
Oh, you know, gun laws, drug laws, any of the half-dozen other American laws passed and ratified by the United States government that you don't seem to recognize.
Well, Agent Ja-Queen, I think you'll find that there is no one on God's green earth who is a greater enforcer of the laws of this land than Roy Tillman.
Why do I feel like there's a "but" here?"
But...what you need to know is that I am the law of the land. Elected by the residents of this county to interpret and enforce the Constitution given unto us by Almighty God.
Freedom.
Amen.
[dropping her Minnesota accent] Listen, bitch. I've climbed through six kinds of hell to get where I am and no Ivy League royal wannabe is gonna run me off just because she doesn't like the way I smell. If you want to tussle with me, you better sleep with both eyes open because nobody takes what's mine and lives. [bringing back her Minnesota accent] Anyhoo! Thanks for stopping by. Dinner Sunday? I'll bring my blue salad.
I live here now.
Arr! Welcome to Gun World! How can I help ye?
I like your eyepatch.
[dropping pirate accent] Actually, that's, uh, that's a hunting accident.
Asshole. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I am a winner. I'm a fucking winner. I'm a winner. I'm a winner. I'M A WINNER!
Last chance. Tell me what you took.
You don't know? I took your mama out for dinner. She gave out that ass like a coupon on coupon day.
What is your function?
Excuse me?
The police. I mean, why do we need you except as a tool to keep a certain element in line? To separate those who have - money, class, intellect - from those who don't. You're gatekeepers standing outside the walls keeping the rabble from getting in. But in here, inside these walls, you have no function. You should remember that.
Well, old friend, it's the crossroads, no question. We know who's waiting there. The midnight man with his serpent tongue. I met him once. Old Baylor Maze cut his children to pieces and hung his wife with a curtain tie, and I was first through the door. And old Baylor was sitting there in his easy chair taking it easy. Behind him, I swear - and you know this 'cause you were there, too - Beelzebub himself, crouched low, whispering in that poor man's ear. You protected me then, old friend. Be with us again in our hour of need. Amen.
It starts as an itch. "I want a new pair of shoes" or maybe the minivan finally gives up the ghost. And just like that you're in debt.
It's good to see you again, Mrs. Lyon.
That...That's not accurate.
Ah, well, first of all, I recognize you. And second, we pulled the security tape from the Gas N' Go, so it's clear you were there. And for the record, that's just reality.
With all due respect, we've got our own reality.
You can't...That's not a thing.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
