[gesturing at a map of the United States on Rundle's office wall] So I noticed you got a pin on your map in every state but Georgia. What the hell do you got against Georgia?
My first wife. She was Korean. She used to spit at me when we had sex.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Can I sit? Or did you want to kill me standing?
[Malvo shrugs in response; Rundle sits in a chair opposite him]
Two hombres took a run at me in Duluth.
Mexicans?
That's the wrong part of the sentence to be focusing on. The point is, they said Fargo sent them. So, I have two questions. First: did you tell these boys where to find me? Second: who do I see about this in Fargo?
But you gotta understand: this is a business of relationships. I can't just--
[interrupting] Relationships.
Right. And, well, it's not my position, professionally, to get involved in squabbles. Especially not of a private nature.
How do you know it's private?
If people are unhappy with our services, they call. A guy screws up, arrangements are made. A cash settlement; if that's not enough, break a leg, or an arm. No calls. Not about you. So whatever it is...it's gotta be personal.
Doesn't matter. It's the principle.
[pointing at two different phones on Rundle's desk] This one calls an ambulance, that one calls the hearse. I'm going to ask you again, and depending on the answer, I pick up this [points at the first phone], or that [points at the second phone]. Who do I talk to in Fargo?
[cut to Malvo departing Rundle's office; as he walks towards his car, a woman is heard screaming from inside the office]
FPFBI Agent Pepper
The file room. A room with files. Say you took one of them out.
FBFBI Agent Budge
Took it where?
FPFBI Agent Pepper
Doesn't matter. Let's say you took one of the files out. Is it still the file room?
FBFBI Agent Budge
Now I'm saying that you and I both agree that the file room minus one file is still the file room. Now, let's say you took another one out, and then another. If the file room minus one file is still the file room, and you keep subtracting one at a time, you could end up with zero files. I'm saying logically. Or even negative files, and it would still...
FPFBI Agent Pepper
How do you have negative files?
FBFBI Agent Budge
No, I'm just, logically I'm saying. 'Cept no one is taking files, they just bring more.
FPFBI Agent Pepper
What about a cemetery? I mean, remove one body from a cemetery, it's still a cemetery, but a cemetery with no bodies, what's that?
FBFBI Agent Budge
Condos.
[to Mr. Wrench] I watched a bear once. His leg was in a steel trap. It chewed through bloody bone to get free. It was in Alaska. Died about an hour later facedown in a stream. But it was on his own terms, you know? You got close. Closer than anybody else. I don't know if it was you or your partner, but look. If you still feel raw about things when you heal up, come see me.
ITIda Thurman
Heard you got some flowers.
Some people do love to flap their lips.
ITIda Thurman
More than once what I heard.
Well, there's a suitor is all I'm prepared to say.
ITIda Thurman
Vern was so bad at courtship. One time, he gave me a bouquet of poison ivy. Picked it himself.
He's up in Duluth, my gentleman. Has a daughter.
ITIda Thurman
What's his name?
I call him Sergio. He's a pirate I think.
ITIda Thurman
Very funny, you.
BOBill Oswalt
Look, you can't... that's just how it is, sometimes. Life. You know, you go to bed unsatisfied. They're calling the lottery numbers on the TV and you get the first few and already in your mind you're buying a jet or a fjord or whatever, but it's just not meant to be. It's just not meant to be.
You know, you can go through your whole life without a care, and one day it all changes. People die. They lose their homes. They go to prison. It's calamity, huh? I know it, 'cause I lived it. And if this year has taught me anything-- and believe me, I've seen it all-- it's that the worst does happen. And you need to be insured.
BCBurt Canton
I'm not afraid to admit it. Well, she's something else, that Jemma. Just between us girls, that body, is it... I mean... What's she like in the sack?
Hellcat. It's the only word for it.
BCBurt Canton
Shit. Yeah. Weezy's basically a Jew in the bedroom.
Oh, you mean she wears a wig, makes you do it through a hole in the sheet, yeah.
BCBurt Canton
No. No, no. She stopped putting it in her mouth soon as the ring went on her finger.
Well, that's a national tragedy, Burt.
Hey, um, go fishing later?
You're the granddaughter I always wanted but was afraid to buy online.
JSJemma Stalone
Oh, mick mike. I just keep pinching myself.
Well, honey, you've earned it. It's like my mama always said, "boys, if you like the milk, buy the freakin' cow."
JSJemma Stalone
Oh, that's so sweet. Well, I am gonna stick my whole thumb up your ass later.
Aces.
[after shooting three people] This one's on you. I worked this guy for six months, Lester. Six months. Can you imagine the number of sewer mouths I put my hands in? The gallons of human spit? Plus the hundred thousand ballot down the toilet, but still, the look on his face when I pulled the gun? Classic, huh?
Had a case once, back in '79. I'd tell you the details, but it'd sound like I made 'em up. Madness, really.
Bodies?
Yes, sir. One after another. Probably, if you stacked 'em high, could've climbed to the second floor. Now, I saw something that year I ain't ever seen, before or since. I'd call it animal. Except animals only kill for food. This was-- Sioux Falls. Ever been?
Went to Sioux City once back in my scandalous days. But anyway, you didn't answer my question there.
Well, I'll tell you what. You, uh-- you leave me your number. I'll make sure Lester gets it next time he comes in.
Well, that's a solid offer, friend, but like I said, I'm just passing through. Thanks for the pie and the coffee. Haven't had a piece of pie like that since the Garden of Eden.
MY WIFE IS DEAD! And there are arrangements to see to. So you can either lock me up or let me go.
[on Lorne Malvo] He's not gonna stop. You know that. A man like that... maybe not even a man.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.