It's a little early in the day for theology.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
It costs you nothing to help us.
Hmm. Costs me nothing to fuck you either.
DRDeputy Ronnie Wycoff
So you're telling me you're not taking over where Darlene left off?
No, what I'm telling you is Wendy's playing chess, and you're playing fucking Candyland.
[about Wendy] When we was growing up... she's the only thing on the whole planet that really loved me. And I'm including God in that equation. She's... she's the only thing... that really loved me. And I always wanted her to be proud of me, you know. I just fuck up too much, and, you know, I just... I fuck whatever up, and then I, you know, I apologize and then fuck up again and... You think she'd be proud of me now? The way I'm handling this? I think she would be. You tell her I'm sorry. You... you tell her I forgive her. You, you can do that for me, can't you? Yeah, yeah. You can do that.
Does Wyatt have a will?
Kid ate spaghetti out of a can and used a screwdriver to start his car. What do you think?
You talk to a lawyer?
No. Last time I spoke to a lawyer, she water-boarded me. Not really my kind of people.
How many guys get with pet pythons have you dated?
If I said three, would you judge me?
Yes.
Two, then.
ADAsshole Driver
[honking excessively]
Okay, all right, that'll do it.
Marty! Marty!
You, asshole, get out of your fucking car and come tell me what the fucking problem is.
Marty!
Wendy.
What are you doing?
For once in your life listen to me and get back inside.
What are you gonna do? You're gonna punch the guy?
I just might. What's the problem?
ADAsshole Driver
How about you learn how to fucking drive?
Oh, hey, you!
Come show me how.
[to the asshole] Shut the fuck up. Get back in your car.
ADAsshole Driver
Bitch, fuck off.
What?
Hey, talk to her like that one more time, I make a single phone call and have you killed.
ADAsshole Driver
What the fuck did you just say?
You heard me. Want me to repeat it?
Get back in your fucking car.
ADAsshole Driver
Fuck you, bitch.
Oh, suck my cock, asshole!
[punches asshole driver] Shit! [gets in a fight with asshole driver, Marty keeps beating the asshole until bystanders stop the fight, then walks off]
I've been in the system somewhere since I was three years old crawling around through cat flaps for my daddy. Yeah. The judge is gonna take one look at me and know exactly what I am.
Ruth, you own half the land in the county. You operate an almost successful motel. You are a goddamn redneck success story.
JRJim Rattelsdorf
Jesus, even I stopped short of massive fucking election fraud.
[Learning Ruth took the casino] Of course she did. I mean, what else can we do today? Oh, I know. I know. Maybe I'll be impaled by a tree, and I can lose an eye, and then I can be childless and hunted by a fucking Mexican drug cartel. And I don't know, oh, what the fuck, I can wear a-a patch like a fucking pirate.
[as thunder rumbles] Go ahead and rain. You dumb bitch.
MSMel Sattem
You don't get it, do you? You don't get to win. You don't get to be the Kochs or the Kennedys or whatever fucking royalty you people think you are. World doesn't work like that.
Since when?
[to Wendy] You're their mom. If they don't wanna be with you, I can't control that. So, if I keep my end, you'll tell Marty to call off Narco Bitch.
Tina, you're on the grill.
My crotch is itchy.
GLGene & Louise
Eww...!
Okay... are you telling me as my daughter or as my grill cook?
Umm... As...
Because my grill cook would never tell me that.
[downcast] Oh.
Also, my daughter should probably not say anything like that to me. Tell her, tell your mom.
[turns to Linda] My crotch is itchy.
C'mere, let me see.
[as Gene and Louise crowd around Tina] Linda! Not now.
No, let's all see it!
No!
Hello. Welcome to Bob's Burgers. The burger of the day is the "Child Molester"—it comes with candy. Get it?
[clicks teeth] Yes.
RRon
No.
'Cause sometimes they use candy to lure their victims...
YES! WE GET IT!
RRon
Ohhhhh... hmmmm...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.