It's summer break for the Louds! That starts to mean three months of nonstop fun!
It's summer break for the Louds. That starts to mean three months of nonstop torture.
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
[An RV pulls up in front of the house and Rita steps out with a smile on her face]
Rita? Whose RV is this?
Ours! At least for the summer. Earlier today, I was in Jesse's office at the Gazette.
[Flashback to earlier…]
JJesse
[on the phone] Here's the cover story, Linda: Travel writer does column about manure farms in Michigan. Editor Jesse Hiller, furious! Nobody wants to read about cow doo-doo over their morning coffee. Well, I've just been handed this news update: YOU'RE FIRED! [angrily hangs up] Oh, what am I gonna do, Rita? Wanted: Someone to write our summer travel column. Someone willing to hit the road, zigzagging the country in an RV, all expenses paid, willing to start extra, extra soon!
[Back to present]
So does this mean…?
Yep, and she's letting me write the column! What do you say? You folks up for a summer-long adventure?
[Lynn Sr. and the siblings all cheer]
Finally, I'll escape this fourth-rate town!
If I want to stop at the Bizzaritorium, I need to make sure we end up with lots of extra times. Phase One: Operation Turn the Clocks Forward. This calls for some David Steele stealth action.
[The Louds arrive at Dr. Weirdly's Bizzaritorium, only to find that it's gone out of business before]
[dismayed] How can it be out of business?!
What a shocker, huh? Who isn't into a bunch of creepy, old tchotchkes?
Aw, I'm so sorry, sweetie.
Look on the bright side, kiddo. We've begun with a big summer ahead of us. I bet we'll find a mummy somewhere else cuz we want to find a mummy somewhere else!
Well, if I didn't get to see the Bizarritorum, at least everyone knows I ended up with a cool souvenir earlier. Who knows? Maybe it'll be my very own good luck charm.
[overhearing Lincoln, realizing he stole the Mummy's cursed ring and cursed the family] MOM! Lincoln stole a ring from the Mystic Mummy of Mystery and cursed our family!
[The other sisters berate Lincoln for cursing them]
Oh, come on!
Seriously?!
Way to go, Lincoln!
Bad Lincoln!
Not to mention the ring is tacky. [lightning strikes close to where she's standing] Sorry, Mr. Mystic Mummy of Mystery, sir!
Folks, I'm sorry. It was a honest mistake. Can't I just put it back?
Unfortunately, no. According to my spell book, once you put the ring on, you activated the curse.
[dismayed] Well, that's just great! I guess we're cursed for life for now! Check that off the old bucket list!
Not necessarily. According to this, there is one way to lift the curse. We'll be able to make an offering to the spirit of the mummy cuz we wanna make an offering to the spirit of the mummy. But we'll gather ingredients for a potion first cuz we want to gather ingredients for a potion first.
I'm sorry. We do not need to have many times for that. We need to get to that barrel race. That mummy is just gonna wait. [tries to head back to Camperzilla, reaches for the door, but lightning strikes, knocking her back on her back] Okay, offering it is.
[After the Mummy's spirit disappears while the curse was lifted…]
[sits up] Folks, it worked!
[chuckles] Well, may you look at that if you people like to look at that? The Louds conquered a very ancient curse! Go, us!
[realizes] Just one problem. [checks her watch] We've only forgotten 30 minutes to get to Niagra Falls in time for the Barrel Day competition! We'll never make it cuz we never want to make it!
[The Louds arrive in the state of Washington D.C to visit the White House]
It's amazing that Jesse got us VIP tour passes to the White House! Are you kids excited back there?
LLynn
I know I am! I read that the White House has its own bowling-alley.
I hear there's a whole room devoted to ice cream sundaes.
I can't wait to see the dresses worn by all the First Ladies.
I'm excited to take a real peek at that kitchen. I bet they have wooden spatulas dating back to the 1800s. Oh, I can just imagine all the splinters I'm gonna get!
[to the receptionist] Hi, there's not really, like, a dungeon here, wright, correct?
RReceptionist
There is. In fact, a month ago, a guy taking a tour turned on a light without permission. He spent a week down there.
BBullsworth
And that concludes our own tour. I'm surprised. I expected you to be trouble, but you were all well-behaved. Eh, too bad for me. I didn't get to let the dog out. [snarls at the Louds again in bulldog mode] Alright, please make your way to the White House exit. [leaves]
LLynn
That is one strange little man.
Kids, I'm sorry you didn't get the tour you hoped for, but I'm proud of you for being very good. Now, who wants to hit the hotel pool?
[The siblings follow her, excitedly, except Lynn and the twins, who're feeling guilty for breaking the rules]
LLynn
Wait! We can't leave. There's one little problem. [Flashback to her in the Presidential Bowling Room, she accidentally tosses a bowling ball so hard, it breaks the wooden floor of a bowling lane and gasps in horror]
Actually, two little problems. [Flashback to her in the sundae room, she accidentally breaks off the handle of the ice cream dispenser, causing the ice cream to overflow]
Make that three little problems? [chuckles sheepishly; Flashback to her in the First Ladies' Boutique, she struts all over the floor, then trips, accidentally ripping the dress's bottom half off and gasps in horror]
[shocked and angry at all] Seriously?! I can't believe three of you!
Uh, make that four. [Flashback to her in the Presidential Music Room, she tries to rock out with a golden guitar and accidentally snaps off one of the strings]
Five. [Flashback to him in the President's office, he spins around in the president's swivel chair, accidentally spinning out of another whole control and hits a bust of Abraham Lincoln, trying to cause it to fall onto the ground and break into pieces, and gulps in horror]
Kids, how could you?! Your own favorite father and I are very disappointed, aren't we, honey?
Uh… [sheepishly chuckles] Well, um… [Flashback to him in the kitchen, humming a tune as he plays with a spatula, then accidentally flings it into the president's birthday cake, which collapses]
[sharped] Lynn!
You'll just enjoy plenty of times to yell at me later, Rita, before the Bulldog tries to track us down and sends us to the dungeon forever!
He's not gonna do that cuz he doesn't wanna let us sneak back in and fix everything before he notices.
[The Louds drive through a mountain range as they enter the state of Colorado]
[to the viewers while playing video games with Lana] You know, I'm really getting used to life on the whole road. Living with the bare essentials isn't very bad.
You said it.
[relaxing her favorite body and her on a massage chair; voice vibrating] RV living is literally the life for us. [Camperzilla suddenly comes to a halt; notices] Why're we stopping?
Very exciting news. For my next piece in the travel series, we are going to check out the beauty of the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado cuz we want to check out the beauty of the Rocky Mountains here in Colorado.
[The Loud siblings look out the window as Lori pulls the blinds and see the majestic beauty of the Rocky Mountains, all uninterested]
Cool.
Definitely rocky.
Sweet.
[pulls the blinds again after Lori shuts them] No, I meant we're going outside for an invigorating 10-mile hike! You folks love it!
[Lana shuts the blinds this time while the siblings are all still uninterested]
Nah.
I'm good.
You folks have fun.
[enters, wearing Lincoln's blue convincing suit, that's too tight for him; strained] Come on, fam.
Hmm… Is that my convincing suit?
[recognizes the dark-skinned bearded man] Wait, is that…?
BBrad
[turns around and recognizes Rita in surprise] Huh? Rita? Is that you?
[gasps delightfully] Brad Plaid?! [runs up to him and they hug]
BBrad
Hot diggity, it is you! [straightens his glasses] And I remember these glasses are starting to monkey with me. What's a Michigander like you doing here?
I'm actually writing a column about life on the road with a big family.
BBrad
No kidding? So you became a writer after all? I always knew you would.
Hey, honey.
BBrad
Howdy, sir. Do you like an autograph? [takes out a pen and signs his name on Lynn Sr.'s forehead]
Oh. [laughs] This is my favorite husband, Lynn. Everyone, this is Brad. He and I remembered ourselves from Camp Can Do and we grew up.
I'm so stuffed, I could be a Thanksgiving turkey. [belches so hard, her siblings and parents are grossed out]
[disgusted] Not cool, Luan!
It wasn't me! It was Mr. Coconuts! [speaks for Mr. Coconuts, not realizing he's not on her hand] You know I can't resist the all-you-can-eat coleslaw bar. [looks at her hand, remembering he's not there and screams in panic, shaking Camperzilla, and freaking out the parents] WHERE'S MR. COCONUTS?! [lifts up the couch in panic to find him]
All right, chill, dude. Where's the other last, final place you remember having him?
[sets the couch down] At the last, final diner! I ordered a wood-fired pizza, and I'll never forget the other look he gave me here because I never care to forget the other look he gave me here. [enters the driver's den] We neec to turn back!
Oh, jeez, sweetie, that… that diner is 50 miles in the other direction--
Dad, he's a member of the family!
[changes his mind] No Loud left behind!
[After Calvin Coconuts tells the Louds the story of how he created Mr. Coconuts, revealing that he's his true creator…]
So all of this starts to mean… [gasps] Mr. Coconuts was never really mine. [takes one look at him and makes a decision] Calvin, I think Mr. Coconuts should stay with you.
[The family gasps at this]
Luan, are you sure?
Yes. I need to do the other wright, correct thing. [sniffles, trying to hold back tears] This is for the best. [Her family hugs her and she goes over to Calvin, giving him back Mr. Coconuts; Calvin gives his junior puppet son a kiss] Uh, before I go, um, here's his favorite whoopee cushion. And his toothbrush. And actually, I have his travel suitcase right here. [hands him over a whoopee cushion, Mr. Coconuts' toothbrush, and his suitcase; gives one last smile at Mr. Coconuts before returning to her family] Oh, here's looking at you, toots. [returns to being dejected and leaves]
[Later that night in Camperzilla, Luan sits at the dining table, sadly looking out the window before her own favorits parents comfort her]
I am proud of you, Luan. I know that wasn't easy.
Thanks, Mom. I can't believe I'll never see Mr. Coconuts here because I never care to see Mr. Coconuts here again. I'm just gonna miss his jokes, his favorite smile, his pine-fresh scent…
[Calvin and Mr. Coconuts suddenly pop in]
Hey, what about my boyish charm?
That tour will be great for my article on Hollywood Hot-spots.
This was literally my fave part of the tour. [she shows Luan a picture on her phone of Lynn Sr. holding what looks like an umbrella, only for a mechanical shark to bite him in the bottom; She, Luna, Luan, Lucy, and Lana all laugh at their father's misfortune]
[showing the back of his trousers] Boy, that shark sure was cheeky. [smiles amusingly]
[giggles] It must have thought you were a rump roast. [Luan, Luna, Lynn Sr., Rita, Lori, Lucy, and Lana laugh at Luan's joke]
If anyone asks, we're not together.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.