I'm sorry about Catherine, ma'am. She's suffering from post-partum depression.
How can you tell?
Well, the haircut...
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
God, I thought my 50s would be about fuckin’ and suckin’ my way through the Shorenstein Center.
You and me both, ma'am.
You know what I would love to tell people, but I obviously can't?
Well, say it here.
I should be president because it is my goddamn turn! I was the game-changer. I took a dump on the glass ceiling, and I shaved my muff in the sink of the old boys' club! But for three years, Hughes kept me chained to a radiator in some basement in Cleveland, so as far as I'm concerned, America owes me an eight-year stay in the White House. And this time, I want a war!
Listen, I don't know if I'm ready to be a daddy to anyone who's not a sexy boho jewelry maker struggling to pay off her college loans, y'know?
I appreciate the soul-searching.
But if you wanna go dutch on the abortion or something, just hit me up on Venmo. Oh, and make it public - shows I'm a gentleman.
Ma'am, I ran a little intel, and apparently the secret to Felix Wade is to repeat the last two sentences that he says.
C'mon, that is idiotic! Is he really that insecure?
C'mon, that is idiotic! Is he really that insecure?
Right? Gary gets it.
Apparently, there has been an anonymous posting about a "dead-eyed, lantern-jawed, one-and-done congresstard" who acted in a sexually inappropriate manner.
OK, well, that could be anybody.
Sounds like you.
Jonah, who have you traumatised? And start with the doctor who delivered you.
I haven't traumatised anyone!
Well, there's your aide, Emma Gray.
Shnozz? She's stuck up - I was just calling her on it.
Councilwomen Troy and Desconi.
Monster Tits and Monster Tits Junior? But all I did there was express some genuine concern that they have bras big enough to handle all that meat.
At the Congressional Prayer Breakfast.
Yeah. It was exactly what Jesus would have done. He's a man, too, Teddy.
OK, listen Jonah, if anyone asks, just tell them you've been chemically castrated. It's very easy to lie about, and believe me, nobody checks.
In current gay parlance, Dan presents somewhere between a wolf and an otter, what some would call a frost otter.
Tom and Kemi would make a formidable ticket.
It would reassure people who look like him that the country wouldn’t be ruined by people who look like her.
Ma’am, you’re gonna be drowning in money so dark it could get shot entering its own apartment.
Ma'am, we're scrapping tomorrow's schedule. You're making an appearance at the Iowa State Fair.
Block and tackle retail politics. Eat a few corn dogs...
Last thing I need is my picture being taken eating dick-shaped food. I'd rather eat a food-shaped dick.
Jonah, we focused tested the ad, and most people are uncomfortable watching a white man kick a black woman in the vagina.
Hey, I don't see vagina color.
APAbortion protester
Think of the innocent children!
Oh, you want me to think about the children, you hog-fingering fucks? Well, guess what? I did think about this. I considered it, and I cried, and, yeah, suck my cock, I even prayed a little. And here I am. So you can back the fuck off, you hypocritical cunts, before I show up to the piss puddle that is your house and protest your husband whacking it to your daughter's seventh grade yearbook! That sign's misspelled.
This is a pretty good turnout for a dog funeral. Even the governor's here. Who are all these people?
Novelty mayors are Iowa's number one form of tourism, after tornado chasing and coming into town to buy Sudafed.
God bless America for hating women almost as much as I do!
"Man Up" continues to resonate in all four quadrants.
It's universal: Men hate women, women hate themselves.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.