Criminal Minds · Season 1, Episode 15
“Unfinished Business” · Season 1, Episode 15
In this episode: Dean Winchester (940), Damon Salvatore (715), Sam Winchester (665), Olivia Benson (637), Stephen Fry (608), Narrator (554), Clark Kent (523), Nate (486)
Do you know what is special about the hours between 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. on the night of March 12th?
Uh... no, sir.
That was the only two-hour period in which you did not send an email to Mr. Hirsch with the title... "You Can't Make a Tomlette Without Breaking Some Greggs." You sent the same email to him 67 times in one evening.
I guess it was a joke. [giggles nervously]
Mr. Hirsch, please rise. Raise your right hand. Do you swear that the testimony you are about to give this committee is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you, God?
I do.
Please take a seat. Senator Eavis, it's your time.
Gregory Hirsch, executive assistant to Tom Wambsgans, is that correct?
Yes. Yes, if it is to be said.
I'm sorry?
If it is to be said, so it be--so it is.
Are you all right?
Uh, yes. I merely wish to answer in the affirmative fashion.
You can speak to us normally.
Ok--no--thank you, sir. So I shall.
I just... I think, you know... I think a lot of the time, if I think about it, I think a lot of the time, I'm really pretty unhappy.
What are you saying?
I don't know. I love you, I do. I just, uh... I wonder if... I wonder if the sad I'd be... without you would be less than the sad I get from being with you.
You know, uh... Marcia and I used to read to each other. I'd read her history. You know, Spengler, Gibbon, the big boys. Uh-huh.
Okay.
The Incas... in times of terrible crisis... would sacrifice a child to the sun. I said to her they were a bunch of fucking savages.
Mm-hm.
Her thing was... what could you possibly kill that you love so much... it would make the sun rise again?
Hey, Dad, I--... just out of interest, um... Did you ever think I could do it?
Do what? The top job? Oh, I don't know, maybe. Eh...
You can say.
I-- Well, you know, I just... You know, you're smart, you're good, but I... I just don't know.
What? Come on.
You're not a killer. You have to be a killer. But... nowadays... maybe you don't. I don't know.
Fuck. This is... crazy. This is like... this is like O.J. I-- I mean except if O.J. never killed anyone.
Who said I never killed anyone?
He's here.
Who's here?
Connor. Send him in.
Right. Thought I heard a clown car pulling up.
An amusing notion has just occurred to me, Greg.
Yeah?
Yes. You-[chuckles] You're gonna be running a theme park. Um... And here's me, going to jail. And you're gonna be living in a magical castle. And I am going to be down in a dungeon, somewhere, sucking off ogres for phone cards. [laughs]
Greg, what do you know about, um... Nero and Sporus?
Nero and...
Sporus.
Spor--
Greg, yeah. Sporus was a young slave boy. He was Nero's favorite. And, uh... you know what Nero did to him?
N-Nero and Sporus. I don't-- this is not IP I'm familiar with.
Well, Nero... pushed his wife... down the stairs. And uh... and then he had Sporus castrated and he married him instead. And he gave him a ring. And he made him dress up like his dead wife.
Wow! Plot twist! Didn't see that coming.
Yeah, I bought a book on the Romans to read in prison. It's a big book.
Well, is it a good book?
It's a decent book, yeah. I'd castrate you and marry you in a heartbeat.
If Josh Aaronson is against, it is hard to see how you win this with a clear margin.
Is this what we pay the proxy solicitor team for? You know, if I were to give Greg five million, he'd go, "Ooh, it looks bad!" You know?
Does Sandy really have syphilis? What if he has sores all over his body? What if his groin's all eaten away and the top half of him just falls off?
Syphilis... I think we started that rumor.
I don't know. Late-stage symptom is dementia, I believe.
Yeah, you've been doing some panicky late-night googling there, Karl?
I feel like I just have to put it out there. Say it. Since there's an 85 billion dollar baby on the table here. How do I know he's not your... meat puppet?
Oh, I just do what my dad tells me, like you guys.
Let me think.
Yeah, take your time. I see it's tough for you.
Yeah.
You know... my dad seems powerful, Shiv seems safe, but, uh... I don't know, you think she'll still be there? Waiting for you after prison?
How exactly does it work if I-- if I do come over to you? I mean, how-- how is it better... for me when I tell my wife, whom I love, and this family, that I'm turning against them? How?
She'll respect you. Tell her what's she doing, bring her over, Logan goes down, Shiv knows who the fuckin man is. Come on man.
But ha-- and I don't mean to be insulting but, having been around a bit, my hunch... is that you're going to get fucked. Because I've seen you get fucked a lot. And I've never seen Logan get fucked once.
Do you know what they're doing up in the suite? They're picking the next president.
Okay, so. Go on, tell us. Who's here?
Who isn't?
Your dad.
Your mom.
Your wife and kids.
Any real friends.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Criminal Minds pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
