Michael Westen quotes from Burn Notice

So we're supposed to stay in here, in the garage, and do nothing?

Michael

Pretty much. It's not so bad as safe houses go. You got a TV at least. I once spent three days in a Riyadh storage facility with nothing but a flashlight and an Arabic celebrity magazine.

Madeline Westen

I remember what fun you two had always working on cars in the garage.

Michael

Fun? I remember him making me fake a seizure at Mr. Goodwrench so he could steal spark plugs.

Sam

How many were there?

Fiona

I don't know, four? They took off after cocktail hour.

Michael

Fi, it looks like Fallujah down there.

Fiona

I was half hoping that they'd stick around for a bit. Cara's got quite a liquor cabinet, good for a ten hour siege.

Michael

You lost my car in a card game.

Well, I needed the money and you weren't helping me out. Besides, nothing ventured, nothing gained, bro.

Michael

It was a rental car you ventured.

Fiona

Why don't you boys wait outside, and I'll go get Brandon?

Michael

Are you sure? Because we need...

Fiona

Believe me, Michael, if there's one thing I know how to do, it's to get a guy to leave a bar.

Michael

Hey, can I borrow your car?

Sam

Where ya going?

Michael

Uh, just to the store to get some yogurt.

Sam

[chuckles] Come on, Mike. Fiona calls, whisper whisper, all of a sudden you gotta have yogurt? What's the big secret?

Michael

No big secret, just looove yogurt.

Sam

If I lose my pension, you're gonna be changing my diapers when I'm 95 and drooling.

Michael

Sam, I would never let that happen. I'd smother you with a pillow first.

"Pimped"? I'm not a pimp.

Michael

[cheerfully] You say "tomato", I say "pimp."

Michael

Neat, what's this? What's this? Oh, neat! How do you say that word? "An-a-phyl..." Anaphylactic, what does that word mean, Jan?

(gasping) Can't breathe...

Michael

You can't breathe? Oh! Is this when your throat closes up from allergies, like from pollen? 'Cause that's what I get. Or maybe it's the crushed peanuts I sprinkled on your hot dog. (Jan's eyes widen) Yeah, I talked to the chef at the hotel. Seems you're allergic to peanuts. So now that you've shot me and I hold your life in my hands, I think it's time we talked.

No wonder I got my ass kicked.

Fiona

Oh, you were lucky. The old guy had a Desert Eagle 9mm with combat grips.

Michael

Ex-Mossad.

What do you mean, like Israeli spies?

Fiona

Sure. Every other retired spook is an arms dealer. Not a bad gig, if you can stand ex-spooks.

I can't believe this... I went to a goddamn basketball game with these people! The seats weren't even that good!

Michael

Well, the next time you accept a bribe, I'd hold out for courtside.

Sam

Hey, Mikey. When you read this guy's profile you're gonna kiss me.

Michael

I am not gonna kiss you, Sam.

Sam

Look, I'm not saying I'm gonna like it. I'm just saying you're gonna kiss me.

Michael

How's it coming, Fi?

Fiona

Dangerous, unstable. Remind you of anyone?

They're expecting my answer today. What do I say?

Michael

Well, since they're probably planning on killing you if you say anything else, I'd suggest, "Yes."

Madeline

Now you see Michael, you're too hard on him. I mean, he can be so sweet. I just want us to be a family.

Michael

I know, Mom, I know. [Michael pauses and then looks up.] He just stole my wallet. [runs out]