Baldrick!
Yes, sir?
Get me some mulled ale. I'm freezing.
How's the king, sir?
Um, about as comfortable as can be expected for a man who's spending the winter in a blackcurrant bush.
D'you think the Roundheads'll find him?
Certainly not. I've assured him he is as likely to be caught as a fox being chased by a pack of one-legged hunting tortoises.
Is that true?
Of course it's true. Have you ever known me to lie to the king?
Yes.
[Grabs Baldrick by the collar and holds a knife to his throat]
Nope.
He's absolutely safe as long as you keep your fat mouth shut.
You can trust me, sir.
[laughs mirthlessly, then puts the knife down] Right, Baldrick, I'm off to answer the call of nature. If, by any freak chance, Oliver Cromwell drops in here in the next ninety seconds, remember: the king is not hiding here.
Yes, sir. [goes back to his work and starts singing Greensleeves as Blackadder leaves and Oliver Cromwell and a Roundhead soldier come in]
Good evening, citizen. I am Oliver Cromwell. [draws his sword] My men have surrounded your house while I search for royalist scum. Is the king hiding here?
Um... [struggles to remember, then finally answers...] No.
On pain of death and damnation, are you absolutely sure?
Yes, I am.
I see. [sheathes his sword] Well then, you wouldn't mind if my men come in from the cold, will you?
Men, come in from the cold!
Now, we shall all have a cup of milk by your fireside.
Alright, but don't touch the purple cup.
Why not?
That's the king's.
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