Go on, my lord. Give it a little pull. You know you want to. It'll be ever so exciting.
[completely uninterested] Oh, god. [pulls the tiny Christmas cracker with Baldrick. There's a squeak instead of a bang; sarcastically] Yes, terrifying.
And look, there's a surprise present inside. It's a novelty death warrant, and you give it to a friend. [gives the death warrant to Blackadder]
[sarcastic] Oh, just what I've always wanted.[crumples it into a ball]
Have you got anything for me?
Oh it's nothing, really!
[touched] Oh sir!
No, it's really nothing; I haven't got you anything. I spent all my cash on this damn thing for the Queen. [reveals a portrait of Elizabeth I] She'd better bloody like it, she dropped enough hints. That woman's about as subtle as a rhinoceros horn up the backside. Door! [covers the painting, and enters the throne room to find Queenie and Nursie tearing up paper chains] Good morning, Your Majesty. Christmas again, eh? What joy! Don't you just love it?
No, I hate it! In fact, I've just abolished it!
[nervous] I'm sorry?
I'm gonna block up the chimneys, burn all the crackers, and kill anyone I see carrying a present! [Blackadder looks nervously at the painting, picks it up and attempts to leave] What's that, Edmund?
This? [long pause] It's a window.
A window?
Yes, but you seem to have one here, so sorry to have disturbed you, Your Majesty. [hastily scurries from the room with the painting, hands it to Baldrick and closes the door behind him] Well, so much for that! [punches the portrait in the face; his fist goes through the canvas and hits Baldrick behind it]
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