“The Germans seem to be able to anticipate...” – Darling

The Germans seem to be able to anticipate our every move. We send up an airplane, there's a Jerry squadron parked behind the nearest cloud. We move troops to Boulogne, the Germans have bought the entire town's supply of lavatory paper. In short, a German spy is giving away every one of our battle plans.

You look surprised, Blackadder.

I certainly am, sir. I didn't realise that we had any battle plans.

Well of course we have! How else do you think the battles are directed?

Our battles are directed, sir?

Well of course they are, Blackadder, directed according to the grand plan.

Would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until everyone's dead except for Field Marshall Haig, Lady Haig and their tortoise, Alan?

[horrified] Great Scott! Even you know it! Guard, guard, bolt all the doors! Hammer large pieces of crooked wood against all the windows! This security leak is far worse than we'd imagined!

So, you see, Blackadder, Field Marshal Haig is anxious to eliminate all these German spies.

Filthy Hun weasels fighting their dirty underhand war!

Fortunately, one of our spies...

Splendid fellows! Brave heroes risking life and limb for Blighty!

...has discovered that the leak is coming from the field hospital.

You think there's a German spy in the field hospital? I think you might be right.

Your job, Blackadder, is to root this spy out. How long do you think you'll need?

[checks his wristwatch] Mmm...

You'll have to be away from the trenches for some time.

Six months?

Too bad, Blackadder, you've got three weeks.

Yes, three weeks to smoke the bugger out. Use any method you see fit. Personally, I recommend you get hold of a cocker spaniel, tie your suspect to a chair with a potty on his head, then pop his todger between two floury baps and shout "Dinnertime, Fido!". If you are successful, I shall need you back here permanently to head up my new security network, Operation: Winkle.

'Winkle'?

Yes. To winkle out the spies.

You never mentioned this to me, sir!

Well, we have to have some secrets, don't we, Darling?

Right, well, I'll be back in three weeks.

Excellent! And if you come back with the information, Captain Darling will pump you thoroughly in the debriefing room.

Not while I have my strength, he won't. [takes back his pistol from Darling and leaves.]

Damnation, sir, his insolence makes my blood boil! What's more, I don't trust him, sir. I think it would be best if I went to the hospital myself to keep an eye on him

What, spy on our own spy as he searches for their spy? Yes, why not? Sounds rather fun. You'll have to go undercover.

Oh, definitely, sir.

And you'll need some kind of wound. A convincing wound.

Naturally, sir.

Yes, that looks quite convincing.