Prince George, Blackadder and others in “Unfinished Business”

What a shame they were so busy. Would've been lovely to have had them with us.

Us?

Yes.

You're coming, sir?

Well, certainly!

Ah. And nothing I can say about the mind-bending horrors of the Revolution could put you off?

Absolutely not. Now come on, Blackadder. Let's get packing. I want to look my best for those fabulous French birds!

Sir, the type of women favoured in France at the moment are toothless old crones who cackle insanely.

Oh, ignore that. They're just playing hard to get.

By removing all their teeth, going mad and aging forty years?

That's right, the little teases. Now, come on. Um, I think a blend of silks and satins.

Sir, if we are to stand any chance of survival in France, we shall have to dress as the smelliest lowlifes imaginable.

What sort of thing?

Well, sir, let me show you our Paris collection - Baldrick is wearing a sheep's bladder jacket with matching dungball accessories. Hair by Crazy Meg of Bedlam Way. Notice how the overwhelming aroma of rotting pilchards has been woven cunningly into the ensemble. Baldrick, when did you last change your trousers?

Baldrick

[as if rehearsed] I have never changed my trousers.

Thank you, Baldrick. [To Prince George] You see, the Ancient Greeks, sir, wrote in legend of a terrible container in which all the evils of the world were trapped. How prophetic they were. All they got wrong was the name. They called it "Pandora's Box", when, of course, they meant "Baldrick's Trousers".

Baldrick

They certainly can get a bit whiffy, there's no doubt about that.

We are told that, when the box was opened, the whole world turned to darkness and misfortune because of Pandora's fatal curiosity. [to Baldrick] I charge you now, Baldrick: for the good of all mankind, never allow curiosity to lead you to open your trousers. Nothing of interest lies therein. [To Prince George] However, Your Highness, it is trousers exactly like these that you will have to wear if we are to pass safely into France.

Yes, well...you know, on second thoughts, I might give this whole thing a miss. My tummy's acting up a bit. Wish I could come, but just not pos' with this tum.

I understand perfectly, sir.

Also, the chances of me scoring if I look and smell like him are zero.

Well, that's true, sir. We shall return presently to bid you farewell.

Baldrick

Mr. B, I've been having seconds thoughts about this trip to France.

Oh, why?

Baldrick

Well, as far as I can see, looking and smelling like this, there's not much chance of me scoring either.