Blackadder, Prince George and others in “Unfinished Business”

Sir, I have been unable to replace the dictionary. I am therefore leaving immediately for Nepal, where I intend to live as a goat.

Why?

Because if I stay here, Doctor Johnson and his companions will have me brutally murdered.

Good god, Blackadder, that's terrible! Do you know any other butlers?

Of course, when the people discover that you have burnt Doctor Johnson's dictionary, they may go around saying "Look, there's Thick George. He's got a brain the size of a weasel's wedding tackle."

Well, in that case, something must be done!

Baldrick

I have a cunning plan, sir.

Hurrah! Well, that's that, then.

I wouldn't get too excited, sir. I have a strong suspicion Baldrick's plan will be the stupidest thing we've heard since Lord Nelson's famous signal at the Battle of the Nile - "England knows Lady Hamilton is a virgin. Poke my eye out and cut off my arm if I'm wrong."

Great. Let's hear it.

Baldrick

It's brilliant. You take the string - that's still not completely burnt - you scrape off the soot, and you shove the pages in again.

Which pages?

Baldrick

Well, not the same ones, of course-

Yes, I think I'm on the verge of spotting the flaw in this plan. But do go on. Which pages?

Baldrick

Well, this is the brilliant bit - you write some new ones.

Some new ones. You mean rewrite the dictionary. I sit down tonight and rewrite the dictionary that took Doctor Johnson ten years.

Baldrick

Yup.

Baldrick, that is by far and away, and without a shadow of doubt, the worst and most contemptible plan in the history of the universe. On the other hand, I hear the sound of disemboweling cutlasses being sharpened, and it's the only plan we've got.