Prince George and Doctor Johnson in “Unfinished Business”

So, Doctor Johnson, sit ye down. Now, this book of yours, what's it about?

It is a book about the English language, sir.

I see. And the hero's name is what?

There's no hero.

No hero? Lucky I reminded you, then. Uh, call him George. 'George' is a nice name for a hero. Now, what about heroines?

There is no heroine, sir, unless it is our mother tongue.

The mother's the heroine? Nice twist. So, how far have we got? Old Mother Tongue is in love with George the Hero. Now, what about murders? Mother Tongue doesn't get murdered, does she?

No, she doesn't. No one gets murdered, or married, or in a tricky situation over a pound note!

Now, Doctor Johnson, I may be as thick as a whale omelette, but even I know a book's got to have a plot.

Not this one, sir. It is a book that tells you what English words mean.

I know what English words mean. I speak English. You must be a bit of a thicko.

Perhaps you would rather not be patron of my book if you can see no value in it whatsoever, sir.

Well, perhaps so, sir! Because it seems to me that my being patron of this complete cowpat of a book will set to seal, once and for all, my reputation as an utter turnip head!

It is a reputation well-deserved, sir! Farewell!