“Right. Now all we have to do is...” – Blackadder

Right. Now all we have to do is fill in this MP application form. "Name"?

Baldrick.

First name?

Baldrick

I'm not sure.

You must have some idea.

Baldrick

Well, it might be Sodoff.

What?

Baldrick

Well, when I used to play in the gutter, I used to say to the other snipes "Hello, my name's Baldrick", and they'd say "Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick".

...All right, right, right, right. "Mr. S. Baldrick". Now then, "Distinguishing features"...None.

Baldrick

Well, I've got this big growth in the middle of my face.

That's your nose, Baldrick. "Any history of insanity in the family?" I'll cross out the "in". [does this act] "Any history of sanity in the family?" ...None whatsoever. "Criminal record?"

Baldrick

Absolutely not.

Oh, come on, Baldrick, you're going to be an MP, for God's sake! I'll just put "Fraud and sexual deviancy". Now, "Minimum bribe level?"

Baldrick

One turnip. Oh, hang on, I don't want to price myself out of the market.

Baldrick, I've always been meaning to ask: do you have any ambitions in life apart from the acquisition of turnips?

Baldrick

Uh, no.

So what would you do if I gave you a thousand pounds?

Baldrick

[grins] I'd get a little turnip of my own.

So what would you do if I gave you a million pounds?

Baldrick

Oh, that's different. I'd get a great big turnip in the country.