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S1 E15

Blackadder · Season 1, Episode 15

Captain Rum and Blackadder in “Unfinished Business”

AAAAA-aaaa-AA-aaaa-AAA-a-AAAAARGH...me laddie!

Ehehehe, indeed. So, Rum. I wish to hire you and your ship. Can we shake on it?

[shakes hands with Blackadder] AH! You have a woman's hands, m'Lord! I'll wager those dainty pinkies have never weighed anchor in a storm!

Well, you're right there.

[pinches Blackadder's cheek and gasps] You have a woman's skin, m'lord! I'll wager that skin has ne'er felt the lash of the cat, been rubbed with salt and then flayed off by a pirate chief to make fine stockings for his best cabin boy!

It's uncanny, I don't know how you do you it but you're right again.

Why should I let a stupid cockerel like you aboard me boat?

Perhaps for the monies in my purse?

Haha- [gasp] You have a woman's purse, m'lord! I'll wager that purse has never been used as a rowing boat! I'll wager it's never had sixteen shipwrecked mariners tossing in it!

Yes, right again, Rum. I must say when it comes to tales of courage I'm going to have to keep my mouth shut!

AH! You have a woman's mouth, m'lord! I'll wager that mouth never had to chew through the side of a ship to escape the dreadful spindly killer fish!

I must say, when I came to see you, I had no idea I was going to have to eat your ship as well as hire it. And since you're clearly as mad as a mongoose I'll bid you farewell.

Damn courtiers to the Queen! You're nothing but lapdogs to a slip of a girl!

Better a lapdog to a slip of a girl than a...git!

AHA! So you do have some spunk in you! Don't worry, laddie. I'll come!

Well, let us set sail at once. I shall fetch my first mate and return as fast as my legs will carry me!

AH! You have a woman's legs, m'lord! I'll wager those are legs that have never been sliced clean off by a falling sail and swept into the sea before your very eyes!

Well, neither have yours.

That's where you're wrong! [flips over the table to show his legs end in two stumps]

[annoyed] Oh my god...

No point changing your mind now. No one else'll come. The whole thing's suicide anyway. What's the first mate's name?

Percy.

A nautical cove?

Yes. Well, he's a sort of wet fish.

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