One of the biggest reasons that comes to mind is my mother. Khasinau was her superior. My mother was a spy for the KGB and those files that we recovered may help me find her. I'm not going anywhere until I know where she is.
Every night for ten years I went through his briefcase. I eavesdropped on all of his private conversations. I planted listening devices on his clothing. He was blinded by his emotions. He knew nothing. I can tell you one thing: Jack Bristow was a fool.
But the truth is, it affects me. Never knowing who to trust, learning to expect betrayal, plotting in secrecy and hatred and anger. It's becoming a part of me. I am becoming what I despise.
See, the thing about rats is they're clever. You have to out think them. You can't really just leave out cheese. You have to leave the good stuff. The heavy-duty stuff. The stuff that they want. It's the only way they're going to come out. Otherwise, you're just wasting your time.
When you look back ... family, your friends. That's what matters. Work, your job. It wouldn't seem that important. [Sydney nods a little.] Even your job. Even working for SD-6.
This is an article I've written. Abby, you've got to do this for me. Make sure you keep it sealed, and don't mention this to anyone. And you got to promise me you're not going to open it, unless something happens to me. And if something happens to me, you got to publish it.
He only told you my name so you would realize that my threat to you was a bluff. That I would never hurt Sydney, even if you continue your investigation. He didn't expect you'd have the guts to contact me.
But whatever it is, it's starting to affect me and if that sounds selfish to you, I was hoping to retire fully vested. I know you genuinely care for her. I do, too. But there is a line that we have been sworn not to cross. We're about a mile past that.
No, you don't. You get to tell your friends that you work for the CIA while I go home and look desperately for a tiny moment that I can be honest with anyone about anything. Now that Will knows the truth - he's never going to trust me again. You should have seen his face in Paris. It was like he was looking at a stranger.
Just think about this for a minute. Just think about everything we've been through. Just think about who I am. Now, what I am going to ask you to do is just accept the fact that I cannot tell you what this is about. What I am doing is classified but Dixon... I swear to you that I am not betraying this country. I could never do that. You know that!