Simon in “Simon's Home Video”

Simon

This is our house...only it's not our house because it belongs to the church. My dad is a Protestant minister. Because my dad and mom moved here shortly after they were married with my dad's first big assignment, we all grew up here. Or we're growing up here...in this house that really isn't ours. Most of the time, that doesn't bother me, but... you know, sometimes it does. Maybe someday I'll become rich enough to buy it from the church, so we can keep it in the family. It's not impossible. I've always been known as the Bank of Simon. I'm good with money. When I was 10, I begged my dad for a dog, and when that didn't work, I went to a higher authority. I was certain that a dog would just appear out of the either, but...(chuckles) Dad wasn't so sure. "Simon, if by some great cosmic coincidence, a dog happens to come to you here at the house, fine, but you don't go out looking for a dog, and you don't trick one into coming into the yard." Fortunately, in addition to delivering many heartfelt prayers, I also begged my mom for a dog, and she stopped by the pound and rescued one -- this one, Happy. So I believed my prayers were answered. Dad let me keep her, even though we found out she was having puppies.