[After losing a race to a downhill biker in Lisbon]
James: Permission to say "Oh, cock" on BBC Two.

[after Richard's Dino has been tested against its original output on a rolling road]
Jeremy: Sixty-one Horsepower has escaped; that's how many a year?
James: Think of it another way, that's a... that's a VW Lupo that has escaped from your engine!

[after the above attempt failed]
Jeremy: I've spent half an hour talking to a man, telling him where you were born, how many children you've got, where you live, what your postcode is, and then he says "Is a Bugatti a Rover?". Well, they've quoted me miserable there.

[After they declared no one won the challenge]
Jeremy: But no matter, we did end up with a "Top Gear Top Tip", okay? Yes, you can buy a supercar for less than ten thousand pounds, but for the love of God, don't!!

[also during the news]
Jeremy: Hey, Hey, Hey! Now the other day I was driving behind a BMW Z4, roof down, bloke driving along and he had a bit of a comb over. Now as he accelerated onto the M40, his speed built up, Whooop! He got lift off. He must've been thinking, I look like Tom Selleck in this car. Kinda like a pedal bin, put his foot down on the pedal, Whooop! Anyhow, that gave me an idea; I wonder if the Z4 is particularly bad for that, what would be the best convertible if you had a bit of a Charlton going on.
Richard: Yeah, good question.
Jeremy: So we are looking for volunteers. If you got a bit of a comb over and you would like to know which sports car is best, then please get in touch with us, and I'm being serious, no silly addresses: BBC Top Gear, 201 Wood Lane, London, W12 7TS. Mark your envelope: I've got a bit of a Charlton.

[asked if his Lambo' had broken down]
James: No, I just had to stop and fill it up with electricity.

[Back in the studio after the first part of the Cheap Car Challenge...]
Jeremy: We're going to be picking that up later on, but for now, it's time to update our "ITALIAN MID-ENGINED SUPERCARS FOR LESS THAN A SECOND-HAND MONDEO CHALLENGE"...
Richard: ...chart!

[Beginning the challenge]
Richard: Your Seventies supercar mission for today is to drive from Bristol to "Spearmint Rhino", in Slough.
Jeremy: That's a lap-dancing club.
Richard: [apparently puzzled] Is it?
Jeremy: [mocks his attempt to appear innocent] Oh, you don't know...?!

[Demonstrating the new Vauxhall Astra VXR remote control car]
Jeremy: OK, it's over there, it's a Vauxhall VXR [car starts to approach them] Here it comes. And if you just watch carefully, you will note that it has now taken off. [car starts to float] It's flying!
James: It's floating!
Jeremy: No it's not floating, James. It's flying!
[Audience laughs]
Jeremy: There is a man controlling that! I mean, have you ever seen anything like this in your whole life? That is a ton of Vauxhall flying around the studio over people's heads. I will explain how it works, OK? It weighs about 10lbs, which is about the same as my Sunday joint and it has three little propellers that make it steer and move about.
Richard: That's amazing! Is it expensive?
Jeremy: Yes! It costs... five... pounds [Audience laughs] No, I'm joking, it costs £60,000.
Richard: Really?
Jeremy: £60,000 and worth every penny. Ladies and gentlemen, the flying Vauxhall. [audience applauds]

[driving his Ferrari - surprisingly quickly - in southern France]
James: Here comes Captain Slow!

[during the news, talking about the website Top Gayer]
Jeremy: Right, there's a new motoring website that's come out. It's for homosexuals...
(Audience Laughs as Richard abruptly reacts.)
Jeremy: It's a motoring site for homosexuals. You know what they called it?
(An audience member at the back shouts "Top Queer")
Jeremy: No, not Top Queer...
(Audience laughs, followed by applause)
Jeremy: ...though that's very good.
Richard: That's very good.
Jeremy: That's better than what they've come up with.
Richard: It is actually better.
Jeremy: They've actually called it... "Top Gayer."
(Audience laughs as a screenshot of the site is shown.)
Jeremy: I like Top Queer more!
Richard: Yeah. We'll set up a rival one.
Jeremy:The best thing about it, okay? 'Cause I went in and checked this one out, and...
Richard: Did you?
Jeremy: Yeah. The editor is called Rich. (Pauses then looks at Richard...)
Richard: Oh come on! It's not--
Jeremy: No, he's put a CV of himself in and he says he lives in the Cotswolds...
Richard: Well yeah I do--
Jeremy: He's got a 4x4.
Richard: Yes I have, but I'm not moonlighting as the editor of a gay website OK?
Jeremy: He's got a dog!
Richard: Yes look...I've got a...but it's not me!
Jeremy: He's had his teeth whitened.
Richard: I haven't had... I have not had my teeth whitened!
Jeremy: What they just become white?
Richard: In the same way that yours have gone green!
[Jeremy laughs]
Richard: It just happens to your teeth!
Jeremy: Anyway listen. If you are a homosexual and you want to know about... cars, write to "Richard Hammond, Suspiciously Neat House...
[Richard laughs]
Jeremy: ...Dog Lane, The Cotswolds!"
Richard: Thank you!

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: Can a Mazda go faster than a dog? Can a frog go faster than a Peugeot? And can I go faster than... myself?

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: How reliable is your car? How will this new British supercar fare on our track? And the new Baby Aston: how does it perform as an ark?

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: the chav-tastic new Ford Focus. The Transport Minister is in our Reasonably-Priced Car. And Richard Hammond and I have a fight.

[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy: Tonight: We drive the new Bugatti in Italy; we drive the new Bugatti in Switzerland and France; and we drive the new Bugatti in London.