Top Gear quotes

1565 total quotes



Alan Carr: Looks slow, is faster. I'll put that on my gravestone.

James: [voiceover] With us out all we could hope was that Jeremy and Kiff the soundman would race on, cleanly and fairly.
Jeremy: Ram him! RAM!

James: All you're going to do with this [indicates Jeremy's rear-wheel spike attachments] is generate headlines: "POLICE CHOP MORE PEOPLE'S FEET OFF".

James: Aw, bad news!
Jeremy: What?
James: The Dacia Sandero, it's delayed.
Jeremy: Oh no! [quickly] Anyway, last week...

James: Hey, great news!
Jeremy: What?
James: The Dacia Sandero is almost here.
Jeremy: When?
James: Next year!
Jeremy: Great! [quickly] Now, the Toyota Urban Cruiser.

James: Hope you like prison food, crims... looking good... cock!

James: It's a gravel trap designed to stop Formula One cars. How on earth do you think it's not going to stop a Jaguar with a Metro on the roof?

James: Now, have you ever wondered what all that writing on the side of your tires actually means?
Richard: No.
Jeremy: Honestly couldn't care less.
James: Well, don't wonder no longer!

James: There's a very good sign near where I live, actually, that says "Changed Priorities Ahead". And it's absolutely right, 'cause I was driving down there the other day and I thought to myself, "I'll work harder and pay my mortgage off and be secure in my old age," and then I went past the sign and after another 10 or 20 yards I thought, "No, I'm gonna go to the pub."

James: We had a letter from the BBC, and they said what with petrol being £5.50 and all the rest of it, what we should actually be doing is giving some advice on... fuel economy and... saving money!
Richard: Yeah. Unfortunately, that letter was opened, by him. [points at Clarkson]
Jeremy: Yes. And I decided the best thing we could do was gather five supercars together and have a race!

James: Who makes the fastest cars: the Axis powers or the Allies?
Richard: You came up with this one didn't you?
James: Yes!

Jeremy: [On James' 2.0 litre GTV] Why didn't you get the V6?
James: It's not as good.
Jeremy: What?!
James: No, it's nose-heavy. The handling is compromised.
Jeremy: Of course, this is front-wheel drive, isn't it?
James: Yes.
Jeremy: And front-wheel drive is for the feeble.

Jeremy: I have seen X-Factor winners less cheerful than all petrol pump attendants are in Japan.

Jeremy: If you are a German and you have any complains of the film you just seen do please feel free to write to us. Our address is: 1966 El Alamein Square, 1939-1945 Jutland Street, London W.E.1.
Series 12

Jeremy: Now, are there any mothers here?
[A response is heard.]
Jeremy: Yes? Well, Fiat has decided you need patronising.