Top Gear quotes

1565 total quotes



James: [after fixing his BMW, being followed by many children] What I couldn't have done without those meddling kids.

James: [in the stable at the end of the show] Come, let us see this child that has been born unto us.
Jeremy: Yes, let's.
Richard: Yes...
[Hammond moves aside the blanket and gasps. O Fortuna plays as the camera reveals the Baby Stig]
James: ... Well, I wasn't expecting that.
Jeremy:...And on that bombshell...!

James: [in the transport plane, with the back open while they were still in the air] Hammond! Put your handbrake on!

James: [on being in the Nativity Play as a child] I was a shepherd because I had a dressing gown.

James: [pointing to his large spotlight] This is the Light of the World.

James: [to the tune of ��We Three Kings'] We three kings from orient afar,
One in a Vauxhall, two in sports cars��

James: I've finally found a present for Jeremy. Oil of Tact.

James: There is a place reserved in Hell for the man who put that gearbox in that car. And it's the ratios - it's a case of many are called, but few are chosen. And many who are first shall be fourth and many who are third will actually kick-down into second.

James: [comes out of the hospital with a bandage on his head and stops in his tracks] What are you two wearing?
[Richard and Jeremy stand in front of James wearing burkas and sunglasses]

Jeremy: [after learning they couldn't enter Iran being from the BBC] I bet the original three wise men never had this problem.
Richard: But they weren't BBC were they?

Jeremy: [before plunging into a ditch] Follow me! [a few seconds later he gets stuck] Don't follow me!

Jeremy: [upon seeing Richard's car and finding out that James has gone over budget] So we're not three wise men, we're one wise man, an idiot and a cheat.

Jeremy: [voiceover] I brought in our special weapons man who had learned in the armed forces how to have a pixellated face.

Jeremy: [voiceover] We pulled over by a roadside market that had a waterfall and a river in it.

Jeremy: Can I just say, if I'm kidnapped, I don't want to hear any of this, ��Well, you know we, we don't give in to kidnap demands'. Just pay. I don't want to be beheaded on the Internet.