Richard: [in the episode where their mums test three hatchbacks] Now we're just using boxes of old junk [lifts a box] cleared out of the mothers' lofts. You know, the kind of... the old tat that no one could possibly want, or... be prepared to read [holding up two of Jeremy's books and one of his solo videotapes]

Richard: [on the Ford Transit's 40th anniversary, and ways to celebrate the milestone] [...] however, nothing says 'Happy Birthday!' like rubbing Jeremy's face in it. [scene then leads into Sabine Schmitz's Transit attempt to beat JC's 9m 59s Nürburgring lap in a diesel Jaguar]

Richard: [On the Hummer aftershave] Splash it on and make him squeal like a piggy.

Richard: I can't believe we're doing this again.
James: Well I think we really should beat him this time. In fact, I'm going to run.

Richard: If we were to go to one of those offroad centers-they're springing up all over the place, where you can rent stuff out and do what we did, what would you have? And I'm telling you straight-away, it wouldn't be the racing quads, because you might as well just say, "I'd like to rent some death, please, for the day!"
Jeremy: Yeah, "I want to be dead within the hour!", "Certainly sir, have one of these!"

Richard: Part of me wants that car to win, but all of me wants Jeremy to lose.

Richard:If you ask to be piped aboard I'm throwing you over.

[after falling off a hovercraft]
Jeremy: I've been killed, I've definitely been killed.

[after getting a call that his Ford GT has been stolen - while he's actually in it]
Jeremy: If you shut this car down, I'm going to come down there and eat your heart!

[after spending a day with Richard on a Ferry]
James: I really enjoyed our day out together, Richard. It's not very often I get to take someone out for a nice dinner. [camera switches to Richard, who is now looking somewhat concerned]

[driving the new Mercedes Benz SLK while being shot by the Irish Guard snipers]
Jeremy: I'VE JUST SOILED MYSELF!!!!!

[During the Aygo Football segment]
James: Door ball! That's not allowed!
[see Blue Aygo 2, with ball jammed inside door]

[during the news, talking about the Greatest Driving Song]
Jeremy: [to Richard] You! You went on Radio 1 this week, okay? He was on Radio 1, which is a small radio station for, like, four year olds, and he said that the best ever driving song was by a band called, what are they called, the baby-snatchers?
Richard: The BodyRockers, you poor bewildered old fool!

[During the news]
Jeremy: [On the Porsche Cayman] Porsche, the laziest design studio in the world!
Jeremy: [On the smart fire car] You know that, erm, World's Wildest Police Chase thing that's on Channel 5 late at night (exaggerated American accent) "There's police chases from around the world!" And it's always a big V8 chasing a Corvette in Australia and America, then they go (American accent again) "We got a chase from the United Kingdom of England Land." And it's, "Oh no it's gonna be so embarrassing!" Sure enough it's a Vauxhall Astra with a big DIESEL sign over it. (Yorkshire policeman accent) "Ohh we're chasing this err BMX bike up the err A34." Oh this is going round the world, they're gonna laugh at us!