The Golden Girls quotes

465 total quotes

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Season 1
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Blanche: All right, I want an answer and I want it NOW! Which one of you has been dippin' into my Vicks Vapo-Rub?
Rose: I took it, and my chest was already completely coated. I did it out of spite because you lost the pre-measured cap off my Ny-Quil!
Dorothy: Rose, I took your stupid cup and you know why? Because I feel lousy and being mean to you makes me feel better!
Rose: Dorothy Zbornak, you can go straight to H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks!
Dorothy: "Double Hockey Sticks"?

Blanche: All right, who put the Raisin Bran in the refrigerator?
Dorothy: I did, do you have a problem with that?
Blanche: Yes I do, I have two problems with it. First, there isn't room enough for it and second, it does not go in the refrigerator, it goes in the cabinet.
Dorothy: It does not go in the cabinet. It stays fresher in the refrigerator.
Blanche: No, it does not stay fresher in the refrigerator; if it stayed fresher in the refrigerator there would be a sign on it saying "refrigerate."
Rose: Actually, you're both wrong. It does not go in the cabinet and doesn't stay fresher in the refrigerator, it belongs in a glass canister. Not only is it visually appealing but you could see if they cheated you out of raisins. I thought everybody knew that.
Dorothy: You know, until I met you, Rose, I didn't know that people actually talked back to their Rice Krispies.

Blanche: But how can I say no to the man I love? I can't even say no the men I like.

Blanche: But [Dr. Clayton] wants me. I can feel it.
Dorothy: Let someone else feel it.
Blanche: But we were meant for each other. I'm a woman and, he's a man.
Dorothy: And what am I, Little Richard?

Blanche: Do you wanna be buried or cremated?
Rose: Neither!
Blanche: What, do you wanna be flushed down the toilet like a goldfish?
Rose: I wouldn't wanna be cremated. I hate heat. And burial! I hate small spaces. I'm a little claustrophobic.
Blanche: Rose, you're not gonna know anything, you're gonna be dead.
Rose: Oh. Well then, burial I guess. But will you promise to put a blanket in with me?
Blanche: Why?
Rose: Oh, I'd just feel more comfortable... and cosier. And I'd want my pictures of Charlie and the animals. You know, the ones in the little silver frames. And, and, my pictures of the children. And, of course if I married again I'd want a picture of my new husband. And the candlesticks momma gave me.
Blanche: Rose, it's a coffin not a condo.

Blanche: Dorothy, get the door. [walks towards Rose and Dr. Newman] Shrimp? [runs towards the kitchen]
Dr. Newman: She's a little uptight. I'm gonna have fun with her tonight.
Dorothy: Why don't we start dinner.
Dr. Newman: Good, what are we having.
Dorothy:[freezes for a couple of seconds] Short ribs.
[Sophia comes home early, and sees Dr. Newman, a little person. She just stares for a moment.]

Blanche: Dorothy, where's my heatin' pad?
Dorothy: How should I know?
[Blanche lifts a cord running under Dorothy's blanket]
Blanche: Well, if this isn't it, I'd like to know what other electrical appliance you're using under that blanket.

Blanche: Elliot made.... Elliot made-
Dorothy: What, what did Elliot make? A ship in a bottle? What?!
Blanche: Elliot made a pass at me.
Dorothy: He made a pass at you? You mean he winked at you. He's a very big winker.
Blanche: No, this was no wink. He came up behind me and put his big, masculine arms around my tiny little waist.
Dorothy: I don't believe you.
Blanche: What?
Dorothy: I don't believe he put his big masculine arms around your alleged tiny little waist.
Blanche: Well Dorothy, why would I make up such a thing?
Dorothy: Because you're jealous.
Blanche: Jealous?!
Dorothy: You are used to getting all the attention around here, and now someone comes along and wants me and not you, and it is eating your guts out.
Blanche: Eating my guts out?!
Dorothy: You know, you could never be a real friend to a woman, and you wanna know why?
Blanche: Why?
Dorothy: Because you're a slut!
Blanche: A slut!
Dorothy: Don't repeat everything I say.
Blanche: I'm not repeating everything you say.
Dorothy: You just did.
Blanche: I did not, nothing you say is worth repeating!
Dorothy: You, Blanche, are an immoral, backstabbing, self-centered Jezebel, and I am very glad that this happened, because now I know exactly what kind of person you really are.
Blanche: Well then, to hell with you and your oversexed boyfriend, Dorothy Zbornak! I'm just glad that little Mei Ling's coming out party was ruined!
Dorothy: Who?
Blanche: And, I'm glad that Elliot is bonging every woman at your country club!
Dorothy: What the hell are you talking about?
Blanche: Ask the towel lady!

Blanche: He analyzed my dream.
Dorothy: What dream?
Blanche: Oh, that recurring dream I have where I'm running naked through a train that keeps going through tunnel after tunnel while a sweaty bodybuilder chases me. He said he thinks it's sexual.
Dorothy: He thinks ? For God's sake, Blanche, you smoke a cigarette after that dream.
Blanche: Not all my dreams are sexual! I also dream about food. Of course, I'm usually naked while I'm eatin' the food. I guess all my dreams are sexual. Lucky me!

Blanche: He was looking for a mother, not a lover. It was humiliating.
Rose: I think it's sweet.
Blanche: You would, Betty Crocker.

Blanche: I also happen to have a room for rent, and the name is Blanche Devereaux.
Rose: Why would you name a room Blanche Devereaux?

Blanche: I need both of my kidneys. You know what'll happen if I give her one? My ankles'll swell, my eyes'll puff up. I'll look just like the Pillsbury Doughboy!

Blanche: I wish I hired a decorator...Nancy Reagan's decorator. That'd kill my sister!

Blanche: It was at that moment I realized that my bosoms had the power to make music!
Dorothy: Didn't Bette Midler win a special Grammy for that?

Blanche: Let me get a look at you, girl! Terrific little figure, gorgeous hair, perfect skin! Just like looking in the mirror.
Sophia: Get some Windex!