Married... with Children quotes
396 total quotesAll Seasons Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5 Season 6 Season 7 Season 8
Season 9
Season 10
Season 11
Fat woman: How dare you say that to my face?
Al: I'd say it behind your back, but my car only has half a tank of gas!
Al: I'd say it behind your back, but my car only has half a tank of gas!
Jefferson: It took forever for them to leave.
Al: Yeah; but much like a roid, they come back with a vengeance.
Al: Yeah; but much like a roid, they come back with a vengeance.
Jefferson: Stay cool. Our lives are in your feet.
Peg: That's why life stinks.
Peg: That's why life stinks.
Kelly: Daddy might have been able to look me in the eye and break when the police brought me home at 2:00 in the morning, but I am not 11 any more.
Kelly: Do you really think that science can replace this! [Takes off coat to reveal a tight skirt]
Dr. Kessler: But I've got a patient, [Kelly pouts] Who is now on auto.
Dr. Kessler: But I've got a patient, [Kelly pouts] Who is now on auto.
Kelly: If God wanted people to shoot a bow, He wouldn't have invented assault weapons.
Kelly: It's just a junior prom. I can do this with my eyes closed and my hands tied behind my back.
Bud: That's sort of like one of your real dates, right?
Season 10
Bud: That's sort of like one of your real dates, right?
Season 10
Marcy: Oh, Peggy, what are you going to do with $10,000?
Peg: Well, I think I'll give it to the needy. Of course, I needy it all.
Peg: Well, I think I'll give it to the needy. Of course, I needy it all.
Marcy: What are you guys laughing at?
Jefferson: Nothing. We're just happy to be here with the women we love.
Al: And you guys.
Jefferson: Nothing. We're just happy to be here with the women we love.
Al: And you guys.
Mark: Now, remember, we're gonna be giving away free limo service to this Friday's formal to the student with the most pathetic reason for wanting it. [phone rings] You're on the air.
Bud: Uh, hi. This is Bud Bundy and I'm trying to--
Mark: Bud Bundy, we have our winner.
Bud: Uh, hi. This is Bud Bundy and I'm trying to--
Mark: Bud Bundy, we have our winner.
Peg: Al, I think this thing is broken.
Al: Peg, unlike many of your other devices, this one doesn't need batteries.
Al: Peg, unlike many of your other devices, this one doesn't need batteries.
Peg: Al, you're tracking mud on the carpet.
Al: It's not all mud; some of it is colon.
Al: It's not all mud; some of it is colon.
TV Producer: Listen, I've been making TV since, well, since my wife was born. And do you know what I have learned? Nothing! You people learn more by watching it than we learn by making it!