Married... with Children quotes

396 total quotes



A big woman: (to Al) Hey! You're in my sun. I'm trying to get an all-over tan.
Al: Well, you're asking a lot of the sun.
Woman: (Sobs) Oh!

Al and Peg's neighbor: I've been peeped too, it was horrible!
Al: How was it for you?
Season 4

Al: [ordering dinner for everyone in a high-class restaurant] Four steaks. Nuke 'em.

Al: [watching the store clerk walk away] Yeah, let's see the Japanese build a better one of those.

Al: All three at once. What do they do, give it to each other?

Al: Gee I wish I could figure out what happened to my tools and my copper wiring and my tile and my life and my manhood.

Al: Hey, kids, whaddya say? You wanna go out for a nice dinner tomorrow?
Bud: We wanna see Tears and Vomit.
Al: Well, you see that when your mom cooks.

Al: I can't say I won and I can't say I lost. [looks at Peg] Well, I definitely can't say I won.

Al: I don't wanna have sex with you. You're my wife, for Godsakes.

Al: I forgot my wallet, Peg.
Bud: He's such a nerd.
Peg: Now, kids, give your father a chance. (To Al) So, what are your going to do, idiot?

Al: Peg, I don't wanna go to our high school reunion. Can't we just forget the good times and get on with our lives?

Al: There are two things Bundys don't do: we don't eat vegetables and we don't tap.

Al: We don't need the lottery. We have each other.
Peg: I want the lottery.

Al: What do I need a computer for?
Marcy: News updates.
Al: Newspaper.
Marcy: Social events.
Al: TV guide.
Steve: Recipes.
Al: [placing arm around Peg] Don't eat.
Steve: Doctor's appointments.
Al: Don't care.

Al: When a Bundy is embarrassed, the rest of us feel better about ourselves.