Community quotes

200 total quotes

All Seasons  Season 1  
Season 2
  Season 3  

Chang: I never told you this, but Changs are usually born with tails. You... sort of dodged a bullet there.
Season 3

Chang: My nephew Jim was born on the treadmill at Bally Total Fitness; 20% incline.

Chang: What's this? What's going on?
Abed: It's a mixer.
Chang: Well why's everyone from Anthro class here? Are you guys picking a new study group member--and you didn't invite me?
Abed: We didn't know how to reach you.
Chang: What are you talking about? I'm everywhere.
Abed: We didn't know how to reach you.
Chang: That's not true. That's a lie.
Abed: [twitching] It's a mixer. We didn't know how to reach you. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer. It's a mixer.
[Chang backs away]
Abed: Works every time.

Dean Pelton: Well, that answers my question. Jeff Winger is sexy even in a coffin.

Dean: [dramatic music plays as he reads Jeff's course schedule, then gives an evil smile] Agnes, cancel my appointments.
Agnes: What appointments?
Dean: [beat] Wishful thinking.

Dean: I have always dreamt of playing charades with you, Jeffrey, just not like this! And not on dry land!

Duncan: [Dean enters anthropology classroom while Duncan is drinking wine, so Duncan throws the glass on floor] And that's how Jews celebrate at weddings! Anthropology!
Chang: L'chaim!

Duncan: [watching Britta and Annie wrestle in oil] Now this is why I came to America.

Duncan: Now, everyone open your textbooks, because Abed has broken the internet.

Jeff: [to Britta and Annie] Wow. You guys are real downers. I can't believe I made out with both of you.

Jeff: Britta, you're not whore. Shirley, you're not going to sue a woman for stealing your husband, and Pierce, do I even need to say it? It is bad to hunt man for sport!
Pierce: Badass!

Jeff: Look, we have the strength to survive anything. What's the worst that can happen with Chang?
. . .
Chang: [growling] I told you they hate you. [chuckles; then, normally] No! They just said they needed more time! [menacingly] Time? They destroyed your life! How much time before we take revenge? [normally] But they're my friends! [menacingly] I'm your only friend! [normally] No! [menacingly, lifting his hands into the air] Ha ha ha! [normally] No!! [menacingly] Ah ha ha ha! [normally] Nooooo!

Jeff: The show's going to last three weeks!
Abed: Six seasons and a movie!

Jeff: What is UP with that CAT?
Troy: Is someone throwing it?

Narrator: [as the study group plays D&D] And so it was that the group began to describe themselves walking, and as they described themselves walking so did Abed confirm they walked.