Vic Reeves Big Night Out Season 1 quotes

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Britain's top light entertainer and singer...Vic Reeves!

Episode 1 (25 May 1990)

Episode 2 (1 June 1990)

Episode 3 (8 June 1990)

Episode 4 (15 June 1990)

Episode 5 (22 June 1990)

Episode 6 (29 June 1990)

You would not believe it, ladies and gentlemen, out the back just now, Cliff Mitchelmore! Running, bombing along with this little, sort of like, wheelbarrow full of yoghurt, all these tiny little witches hovering above it...he must have been late or summat!

You wouldn't believe it backstage just now! Nicholas Witchell with a barrage-balloon sellotaped onto his back, trying to convince all these termites that he was their Queen!

You would not believe, you would not believe what's going on back there! I was round the back, Paddy Ashdown in a skimpy nightie! But it was a smart one, not a tarty one! And he was laughing at the contents of a kingfisher's diary...

You wouldn't believe what's going on round the back! There was Van Morrison, wearing quite a smart boob-tube. And he was climbing up this ladder with a bucket of piping hot houmous, and there was...Dr. Marietta Higgs is it? She was on the roof, she was saying 'Come on Van, man, I'm starving!'

Later on...we've got a family of trained puffins. They're going to be driving a vintage traction engine over some really nice, delicious fresh olives, without crushing them, mind! And they're going to be reversing it back through the smallest keyhole in Britain!

Later on we'll be meeting a Portugese fisherman who's going to pull all his hair out and grill it with a delicious cheese topping!

Later on we'll be meeting a tramp with a lamp and a little bit of cramp!

You know, I had a terrible day yesterday! My butler really beat me up yesterday! He cut me face, all these weeds fell out! I put a load of Savlon on me face and blocked up the high street, I got arrested!