James FitzjamesThere is nothing worse than a man who has lost his joy. He's become insufferable. And he's a lushington to boot.
We should be better friends to him, James.
James Fitzjames
I can't work out why he's even here. He despises glory. Even the glory of a good pudding. And he looks down on we of the wardroom. I tell you, one glance from him I have to remind myself I'm not a fraud.
I'll not have you speak of him uncharitably, James. He is my second. Now, if something were to happen to me, you would be his second. You should cherish that man.
James Fitzjames
Sometimes I think you love your men more than even God loves them, Sir John.
For all your sakes, let's hope you're wrong.
It feels like an omen. As I climbed the ridge I was thinking it. I could see the pattern. But I couldn't credit an animal with having that -
James Fitzjames
You're saying a bear staged a misdirection?
I'm saying I ordered that we split up into pairs to cover more ground. I did. And then I left him. I only took him with me because he was scared.
James Fitzjames
[gesturing to Crozier's drink] With all you're shouldering, perhaps you should you should curb that for now.
Does one not bring one's habits to Terror?
James Fitzjames
Why are you here, Francis? You've never believed in this cause. No one was ordered to this. We volunteered. You volunteered.
James Fitzjames
By whom? Not by the Admiralty. You were never Barrow's choice.
Keep Sir John safe and ensure his judgement. Those were my orders. It's what she asked me to do.
James Fitzjames
Lady Jane?
No. I don't owe her a bloody thing. Sophia.
James Fitzjames
Miss Cracroft? Miss Cracroft, who rejected you? Twice, as I heard it.
James Fitzjames
Yes. Sir John discussed it with me. Well, he... Actually, he regretted how it had happened. Francis, he was burdened by it.
Burdened by the thought of a third attempt, no doubt.
James Fitzjames
That's why you're here. Good Christ, Francis.
Keep your pity. You're going to need all the pity you have for what's coming.
James Fitzjames
Francis -
Don't ever call me Francis again. You'll call me what I'm due to be called.
James Fitzjames
You stole 16 bottles of spirits from my ship. I don't know what you're due. I do know there hasn't been a single meal we've shared, a conversation when you weren't morbing on about what you're due. Your luck has changed, Francis. No one has you in harness any longer. You are commanding this expedition entire. So damn your eyes. What else do you require? Respect? Well, earn it. Or are you determined to be the worst kind of first as well?
I'm afraid I need to ask the four of you for a favor that will likely be a great imposition. And... There couldn't be worse timing, I understand. But there also couldn't be a greater need. I'm going to be unwell, gentlemen. Quite unwell, I expect. And I don't know for how long. A week? No. Two. Perhaps... Perhaps more. And not only must you draw the tightest possible curtain around what is happening, but you must also care for me as well, as I will not be able to care for myself.
You needn't worry for a thing, sir.
I will be in no position to command. That will be for Captain Fitzjames, for all things. And you must be my proxy here, Edward.
James Fitzjames
Francis -
No. I'm sorry, but we mustn't stop until it is finished. I mustn't stop, and you mustn't let me. I may, I may beg you. Take this out to the spot where the thing's blood is and pour it out there.
[January 1848: With Crozier detoxing from alcohol addiction, Fitzjames heads a meeting of the expedition officers]
JIJohn Irving
As such, we can expect to finish our full supply of coal by November next, unless we start stepping down the ships' heating plan now, and that's without any future days making way under steam being factored in. Of salt beef, we have a combined total of 750 pounds. Salt pork, 210. Flour, 902. Cheese, 87. Dried fruits, nine pounds, only after making the men Lady Jane's Christmas pudding last week.
JIJohn Irving
Of lemon juice... not quite 200 gallons remain, though Dr. McDonald suspects it's lost most of its anti-scurvy properties by now. As for the tins, we've now inspected every one and tossed out the putrid. It's clear now why the Stephan Goldner Tinned Foods Company was the low bidder.
AMAlexander McDonald
I'd like to run that man through.
JIJohn Irving
What's left number 1,402 tins preserved meats, 1,163 preserved vegetables, 911 preserved soup, 1,182 potatoes.
James Fitzjames
And when is the point of no return?
JIJohn Irving
If we reduce to three-quarter rations, we'll reach the end of our provisions mid-winter next year, if we're stuck in again with no game. That with our current roster of 116 men.
James Fitzjames
Why mention the number of men, Lieutenant? [clears his throat] We've not seen hide nor even a hair of Mr. Teeth-and-Claws. We can be confident that Mr. Blanky here along with Mr. Hodgson killed it or ran it off for good. No, the men will notice that large a reduction in what they eat. They'll begin with four-fifths rations, and we will discuss how to reduce further in a month's time. And finally, advise Mr. Wall and Mr. Diggle that they should emphasize salt meats in their menus now, not the tins. We must... we must start to preserve all things portable now.
[Fitzjames asks Blanky about "what happened to John Ross on Fury Beach"]
You read the book, so you know we spent three winters on the Victory.
James Fitzjames
Yes. Nearly the same as we.
Captain would have tried for a fourth if we hadn't run out of food. We shouldn't have waited to start walking. By the time we got to it, the scurvy was in us. And Captain Ross, he had no sympathy for illness.
James Fitzjames
What do you mean?
We sledged the boats with us. We were carrying half a load a day's march, then doubling back for the other half. I finally begged Ross to drop the boats altogether, but he replied he'd rather leave our sick to die. This from his position riding atop one of the sledges. It was 300 miles to Fury Beach. We were barely standing. What little love we had amongst us the only thing keeping us civil. We had one day's provisions left. One. Were it not for the cache of stores left there from the wreck of the Fury, we'd still be on that beach, bleaching in the wind. We tried to row out to the whaling channels, but the ice kept us back.
James Fitzjames
This is where you built Somerset House?
Aye. Somerset House. Even there, Ross kept rank. The officers kept their stewards and their wolf blankets, and what salmon we could catch. The rest of us just slept in ice ditches and fought over year-old biscuits. And once it's past all hope, the mind goes... unnatural with thoughts.
James Fitzjames
What kind of thoughts?
Like splitting open Sir John Ross's head with a boat axe. You said you wanted the truth, sir, in my own words. I trust you won't court martial me for them now.
James Fitzjames
Would you have done it? [Blanky just smiles knowingly]
Leads opened up in the August. We got picked up by the Isabella. We'd been taken for dead for two years.
James Fitzjames
Mr. Blanky, most of the men survived.
If that's the point you want me to get to, sir, then yes, we survived. But if we're going to walk out of here ourselves, and almost three times as far, you need to understand it wasn't sickness or hunger that most mattered to our chances. It's what went on up here. [taps the side of his head] Notions. A darkness with no firm hand to stem it. I know many were thinking what I was. Sir John Ross, he never knew how close he came.
James Fitzjames
This kind of darkness, do you see it among us here?
I don't need to see it to know it's here. We've time enough to vent it.
James Fitzjames
How?
Well, first of all, you're gonna keep things from the men, you better give them something in return. Now. Something to keep their minds on, no matter what lies ahead. There'll be a tally for it, later, when things get hard. There always is.
Because it is needed, and because it is deserved, I am making a promotion this morning. An emergency measure, if you will. But one that is wholly sincere. To my knowledge, this has never been done. But then much of what we are now doing has never been done, so I don't want there to be any confusion over this. Someone on this expedition has earned our trust, respect and confidence in a way that merits absolute a place at this table. Well, gentlemen, we have a new lieutenant to welcome this morning. James.
[Fitzjames leaves the table with the promotion order, then pauses, and hands it to Jopson]
Let me clarify, Jopson. I mean a third lieutenant. There is some modicum of protocol that must be observed, even here.
James Fitzjames
Look at your face. Congratulations, Jopson.
James Fitzjames
Do you know, after the war, I asked permission to walk home to London from Nanking, through Tibet and Russia. I wanted to try my hand at being an overland spy. I was the best walker in the Service. I told Sir John Barrow that once without blushing. I was quick to want the world rid of its fools an hour ago. I forget sometimes how much an exemplar I am among them.
That's not how I see you.
James Fitzjames
Francis, do you know how I was appointed to this expedition? I saved Sir John Barrow's son from a scandal. By chance, in Singapore. I paid to have a very base matter settled that would have blackened the Barrows' name, and the Admiralty's by association. As soon as I returned to London, I was promoted to commander. When the Admiralty announced there would be another attempt at the Passage, well, I only had to say the word.
That only makes you a man.
James Fitzjames
Does it?
What you describe is a surplus of political luck. Not a dearth of courage.
James Fitzjames
I am a fake, brother.
I challenge any biographer to tally up your acts of valor and then call you a fake.
James Fitzjames
Francis, a man like me will do amazing things to be seen. My... My father... My father was a ridiculous man. Ruined himself with debts. He was a consul general in Brazil, and he and his wife would mix with the wealthy Portuguese families in exile there. My mother was probably from one of those families. I was never told more. I was born out of an affair. And my father's cousins had to find people to raise me. My name... Even my name was made up, for my baptism. "James Fitzjames." Like a bad pun. I'm not even fully English.
I didn't know any of that.
James Fitzjames
I've never said it out loud before now. I always felt I deserved more. So I went to sea aged 12, and I began to build myself a great gilded life that didn't humiliate me to live. And so all of those stories that you would have my biographer tally as courage? It's all vanity. It always has been. And we are at the end of vanity.
Then you are free. Mine your courage from a different lode now. Friendship. Brotherhood.
James Fitzjames
Are we brothers, Francis? I would like that very much.
Are you comfortable, James?
James Fitzjames
I'm sorry.
What in heaven for? How on earth you were walking at all will puzzle me the rest of my days. You've got holes in you, James.
James Fitzjames
That shot was fired six years ago. It's going to murder me yet.
If it doesn't, it's going to make that Chinese sniper story you're so fond of recounting a half hour longer to tell.
The Terror · 42 quotes
