You want to know why I never killed myself? After what I saw, lived through? Losing my leg, losing...my wife? Because it comes for all of us, man. You and I know it more than most. We see it every shift, but we can't let ourselves succumb to it. Yes, life can suck. It can be unbearable and-and-and brutal and ugly and heartbreaking; but it's also beautiful, and hilarious, and that woman today, her baby? They'd both be in the morgue if you hadn't been here. That's us. That's you and me. That's what we're here for.
The most important things I've ever done in my life have been in this hospital. Nothing will ever matter more than what I've done in this hospital, but it is killing me. You know how they say that a part of you dies when you lose someone you love? I'm not convinced that a part of you doesn't die every time you see a fellow human pass. And I've seen so many people die that I feel like it's leaching something from my soul.
Go on a cruise, man. Knock off this helmet-less motorcycle shit. Yeah, people talk. That's death wish behavior.
I'm tired of being a role model. Tired of feeling like you can't get ahead. Tired of feeling like I'm drowning every day. Tired of all of it.
You need to get away for a while. You need to get some help. You need this place as much as it needs you.
Am I fucked up?
100 percent. But nobody works here as long as you and me and doesn't get screwed up. You've gotta find somebody to help you dance through the darkness.
[pause] Did you just make that up?
Maybe it's a song lyric. I don't know. Maybe my therapist said it.