The Office (UK) quotes
32 total quotesDawn: He proposed on a Valentine's Day, although he didn't do it face to face, he did it in one of the little Valentine bits in the paper. I think he had to pay for it by the word, because it just said "Lee love Dawn, marriage?" which you know, I like, because it's not often you get to something that's both romantic and thrifty.
Dawn: I always wanted to be a children's illustrator and when people said, "What do you do?" I would say, "Well, I'm an illustrator, but I do some reception work for a little bit of extra cash." So, for years, I was an illustrator who did some reception work. Then Lee thought it would be a good idea for us both to get full-time jobs and then you're knackered after work and it's hard to do illustrating. So now, when people ask me what I do, I say I'm a receptionist.
Gareth: All farmers have wives.
Tim: This one doesn't, he's gay.
Gareth: Well, then, he shouldn't be allowed near animals, should he?
Tim: This one doesn't, he's gay.
Gareth: Well, then, he shouldn't be allowed near animals, should he?
Gareth: I could catch a monkey. If I was starving I could. I'd make poison darts out of the poison of the deadly frogs. One milligram of that poison can kill a monkey. Or a man. Prick yourself and you'd be dead within a day. Or longer. Different frogs, different times.
Gareth: I did learn a lot from David. I learnt from his mistakes. We're very different people; he used humour where I use discipline. And I learnt that nobody respects him. And in a war situation, if you want your platoon to go over the top with you to certain death, it's no good saying to them "Please come with me lads, I'll tell you a joke." It's a direct order "Come with me." And they'll go "Yes, he's got good leadership skills, let's all go with him to our certain death".
Gareth: If you're so clever, what am I thinking now?
Tim: You're thinking "how can I kill a tiger armed only with a biro?"
Gareth: No.
Tim: You're thinking "if I crash land in a jungle will I be able to eat my own shoes?"
Gareth: No. And you can't.
Tim: What are you thinking Gareth?
Gareth: I was just wondering whether will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark.
Tim: You're thinking "how can I kill a tiger armed only with a biro?"
Gareth: No.
Tim: You're thinking "if I crash land in a jungle will I be able to eat my own shoes?"
Gareth: No. And you can't.
Tim: What are you thinking Gareth?
Gareth: I was just wondering whether will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark.
Gareth: Right, her details. Her marital status: single, divorced--
David: Not divorced. Nah, husband might still be around, might be a nutter. I'm not getting into all that.
Gareth: Widowed?
David: I'd bloody love her to be widowed.
David: Not divorced. Nah, husband might still be around, might be a nutter. I'm not getting into all that.
Gareth: Widowed?
David: I'd bloody love her to be widowed.
Rowan: Gareth, what's your ultimate fantasy?
Gareth: Two lesbians. Sisters, probably. I'm just watching.
Rowan: Okay.. umm, Tim?
Tim: I never thought I'd say this, but can I hear more from Gareth please?
Gareth: Two lesbians. Sisters, probably. I'm just watching.
Rowan: Okay.. umm, Tim?
Tim: I never thought I'd say this, but can I hear more from Gareth please?
Simon: You know Bruce Lee's not really dead, don't you? Yeah, it's in a book. What he did was he faked his own death so that he could work undercover for the Hong Kong police, inflitrating drugs gangs and the Triads.
Gareth: Yeah, I reckon that's true.
Tim: Yeah, I reckon that's true. Because if you were gonna send someone undercover to investigate the Triads, you'd probably want the world's most famous Chinese film star.
Gareth: Yeah, I reckon that's true.
Tim: Yeah, I reckon that's true. Because if you were gonna send someone undercover to investigate the Triads, you'd probably want the world's most famous Chinese film star.
Tim: And what happens, you're going into battle situation, right, you are up the front, with your men, or are you coming up the rear?
Gareth: Well, depends...
Dawn: So it's possible you'd come up the rear?
Gareth: It's possible, yeah.
Tim: That's all we wanted to know.
Gareth: Well, depends...
Dawn: So it's possible you'd come up the rear?
Gareth: It's possible, yeah.
Tim: That's all we wanted to know.
Tim: I think it was John Lennon who said "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." And that's how I feel.Although he also said "I am the walrus. I am the eggman." So I don't know what to believe.
Series 2
Series 2
Tim: Now guys, we're about to enter a warehouse environment, now I must warn you that some of the people in here will be working class, so there may be arse cleavage. So just find a partner, hold hands. Don't talk to anyone though.
Tim: There was, oh my God, a themed nightclub called Henry the Eighth's. This was incredible. It had the Anne Bowl-in Alley, this is true, as you went into the loo, there was a sign that said "Mind Your Head" - nice... and underneath someone had written "Don't get your Hampton Court." It's not there any more. But not a day goes by that I don't think about it.
Tim: You really are a couple of sad little men, aren't you?
Gareth: Oh yeah, they're sad little men. He's thrown a kettle over a pub, what have you done?
Gareth: Oh yeah, they're sad little men. He's thrown a kettle over a pub, what have you done?
Tim:Team leader don't mean anything mate.
Gareth: Excuse me, it means I'm the leader of a team.
Tim: No it doesn't-it's a title someone's given you to get you to do something they don't want to do, for free. Right? It's like making a div kid at school milk monitor. No one respects it.
Gareth: I think they do.
Tim: No they don't Gareth.
Gareth: Er, yes they do, because if people were rude to me then I used to give them their milk last, so it was warm.
Gareth: Excuse me, it means I'm the leader of a team.
Tim: No it doesn't-it's a title someone's given you to get you to do something they don't want to do, for free. Right? It's like making a div kid at school milk monitor. No one respects it.
Gareth: I think they do.
Tim: No they don't Gareth.
Gareth: Er, yes they do, because if people were rude to me then I used to give them their milk last, so it was warm.