Nora Durst quotes from The Leftovers

Nora Durst

The best day of my life happened a few months before October 14th, but I didn't know it. It just seemed like, um, a nice day, you know, all four of us at the beach: my husband, my 6-year-old son, and my 4-year-old daughter. Their names were...are Doug, Jeremy, and Erin. The kids built a sand castle. Doug and I, we just sat on a blanket and watched them work, and it was just perfect, and it felt like, um I didn't deserve anything that good. This one Saturday, the winter before that, we all got hit with the stomach flu, the whole family. We were all feverish and throwing up, and I couldn't even get out of bed, and the kids were lying there with us, and I could feel the heat coming off their bodies, and I remember thinking, "This is it," I was gonna die. I'm not greedy. I'm not asking for that perfect day at the beach. Just give me that horrible Saturday, all four of us sick and miserable, but alive and together.

Nora Durst

[voiceover, in a letter] Dear Kevin, I need to say goodbye to someone I care about, someone who's still here, so I'm saying it to you. You were good to me Kevin, and sometimes when we were together, I remembered who I used to be before everything changed, but I was pretending. Pretending as if I hadn't lost everything. I want to believe it can all go back to the way it was, I want to believe I'm not surrounded by the abandoned ruin of a dead civilization, I want to believe it's still possible to get close to someone. But it's easier not to. It's easier because I'm a coward and I couldn't take the pain, not again. I know that's not fair, Kevin. You've lost so much too, and you're strong. You're still here. But I can't be, not anymore. I tried to get better, Kevin. I didn't want to feel this way, so I took a shortcut. But it led me right back home. And do you know what I found when I got there? I found them, Kevin, right where I left them. Right where they left me. It took me three years to accept the truth, but now I know there's no going back, no fixing it. I'm beyond repair. Maybe we're all beyond repair. I can't go on the way I'm living, but I don't have the power to die. But I have to move towards something. Anything. I'm not sure where I'm going, just away. Away from all this. I think about a place where nobody will know what happened to me, but then I worry I'll forget them, but I don't want to ever forget them, I can't. They were my family. I think I loved you, Kevin, and maybe you loved me too. I wish I could say this to you instead of writing it, I wish I could see you one last time to thank you and wish you well, and tell you how much you mean to me, but I can't. Like I said, I'm a coward. So, wish me luck, I think I'm going to need it. Love, Nora.

For whoever is joined with all of the living, there is hope. Surely, a live dog is better than a dead lion. Hope. It's your weakness. You want it gone because you don't deserve it. Nora, you do deserve hope. I've seen my own death, and it's coming upon me very soon, so this is your one chance, your only chance, and the question remains the same: Do you want to feel this way?

Nora Durst

No. No.

Then let me take it from you.

Nora Durst

Will I forget them?

Never.

Erika Murphy

Who is this?

Nora Durst

This is Lily.

Erika Murphy

Well, hello, Lily. She's adorable.

Nora Durst

Thank you.

[to Jill] Is she adopted or did your mom fuck a black dude?

Erika Murphy

Evie!

Well, I was in prison.

Kevin Garvey

Oh, yeah? Well, how long were you there for?

Six years, 119 days.

Erika Murphy

They think you're kidding.

Oh, sorry, no. I really was. Travis County Unit. Go ahead. Go ahead and ask.

What?

What I did. It's what everybody wants to know.

Nora Durst

Oh, that's none of our business.

Kevin Garvey

What'd you do?

Huh. Attempted murder.

Kevin Garvey

What happened?

Well, didn't try hard enough.

Erika Murphy

I was gonna leave John. You're surprised because we seem so happy. My Grandmother was born here. She lived here all her life. She used to tell us kids this place is chosen. The Good Lord pointed His finger down on the final day of creation "You. The Jarden of Eden." We didn't believe her, but she said there was a way to prove it, a way to make your wishes come true. You take a bird, you put it in a box and you bury it. Anywhere in the woods is fine. And you wait. You wait three days, you come back, dig it up, and if it's alive, right then is when you make your wish. Little girls believe all sorts of things, but I knew pretend when I heard it. Birds living in the ground for three days is pretend. Making wishes is pretend. The Good Lord is pretend. And then on October 14, people went away from everywhere except here. That was real. That happened. My Grandma had been dead for 10 years, but she was right. This place was chosen. And about a month ago, I was walking out to my car and I saw it. A sparrow right by the driver's side door lying there like it was trying to get me to help it. It was dehydrated. Almost dead. You think I nursed it back to health, Nora? Depending on the size of the box, a bird can survive 20 hours. Anything over 30 hours is medically impossible. And like I said, this bird, it didn't have anything left. So I waited the three days. I jogged out to the woods, I dug up the box, and I made my wish before I opened it. I wished that my kids would be okay if I left. Because they had no idea I needed to go. No idea what it's like to pretend. Michael, he has his faith. He'd be fine. But Evie, she wouldn't understand. It would break her heart. So I wished that she'd be okay without me. I opened up the box, the bird flew out. And the next night my daughter was gone.

Nora Durst

Well, Erika, that's just...that's quite a stretch. Your logic, I'm sorry, it's a little all over the place, don't you think?

Erika Murphy

Well, what do you think?

Nora Durst

You wanted to leave your husband. Okay, so why didn't he go? Why didn't you? disappeared three years ago. Did you wish them away, too? Because that's a lot of birds to bury, Erika. That's a flock of epic proportions. I get it. I felt the same as you. I, I felt responsible for losing my children. I thought it was my fault. But I moved past it. I evolved. Because that's pathetic. Terrible things happen in this world. And the only comfort we get is that we didn't cause them. So I'm sorry, but Erika, this had nothing to do with you.

Erika Murphy

Did they depart or did they die?

Nora Durst

What?

Erika Murphy

Your children. You said you lost them. Did they depart or did they die?

Nora Durst

They departed.

Kevin Garvey

We need to talk.

Nora Durst

Can we do this tomorrow?

Kevin Garvey

It's important.

Nora Durst

Yes, honey, I know it's important, but can we just...

Kevin Garvey

I need to talk to you now, Nora. Have you been noticing that I've been kind of losing my mind? What? I'm letting you handcuff me to the bed every night And we're acting like that's totally normal. I left the baby, I forgot the baby and you act like that's no big deal.

Nora Durst

You had your hands full. It happens.

Kevin Garvey

I'm seeing someone.

Nora Durst

What?

Kevin Garvey

Um, I've been seeing someone.

Nora Durst

Who?

Kevin Garvey

Patti Levin. She ran the Guilty Remnant in Mapleton.

Nora Durst

But she's dead.

Kevin Garvey

It started happening right after we found Lily, when you moved in. I thought she'd go away when we came here. She didn't.

Nora Durst

Are you seeing her right now?

Kevin Garvey

Yeah.

Nora Durst

Is she talking to you?

Kevin Garvey

Yeah.

Nora Durst

What's she saying?

Kevin Garvey

She's saying... she's saying I never should have told you about her. And that I just made a big mistake.

So is this the part where you call the DSD and shut this operation down?

Nora Durst

[to Matt] Do you remember when we were kids? After Mom and Dad died, when everyone at the church wouldn't take their eyes off us? They'd take us to the movies, and bowling, and putt-putt, just to keep us busy?

Matt Jamison

Of course I do.

Nora Durst

And this one time they brought us to a baseball game, and I was too young to get the rules, so I watched these people in another section hitting a beach ball. And the whole stadium was getting into it, and when the ball came over to our seats you stood up and you just whacked it. It was the first time I'd seen you smile in forever... But then the ball went into the aisle and this usher ran down and grabbed it, and he picked it up and he just squeezed the air out of it. And then everyone just started booing- not just the people in our section but the whole stadium, just booing. He just ruined it for all of them. They just wanted to hit the ball... Why would he want to do that job? Why would anyone? [starts crying]

[steps forward, wipes Nora's cheek] Because if he doesn't, that ball is gonna' go onto the field. And it'll be fucking chaos.