GPGerman Patient
The nipples of Mother Hope have run dry.
“The Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy”
Cisco (Bruce McCullough): Soak it up you ugly sponge.
Raymond Hurdicure (Dave Foley): Sorry we're late Ma, but you know how the kids hate old people.
GGrivo
I wanna talk about drugs.
Audience: Heroin?
Grivo: No. Not heroin.
Audience: Speed?
Grivo: No. Not speed.
Audience: Hashish?
Grivo: No, not even hashish.
Audience: (beat) Horse tranquilizers?
Grivo: No. Not horse tranquilizers. I just heard about a drug that makes you happy. I just want to say... (looks at the crowd) ...fuck happy!
SScientist
It was only a couple of Flipper babies!
CDCab driver
When I was a little boy, my mother used to sing me a song. It went like this: Life is short, life is shit, and soon it will be over.
WWally
Tell me, doc... why do those... types, think I'm one of them?
Therapist: Because... you are one of them. You are gay. You-you-you are gay, you are a homosexual. The opposite of straight, you're gay. I know it, your family knows it. Dogs know it! Everybody knows it but you!
DDon
You know, those words hurt. But you must realize they come from a man who's gone mad with depression. Unfortunately, it seems to happen to some of our greatest geniuses. People like Oppenheimer, Schweitzer, Boxcar Willie...
Raymond Hurdicure (Dave Foley): So I hear Dad's dead, hey is that eggnog?
CChris
Cat on my head!
DSDrill sergeant
YOU... ARE... SCUM! Do you hear me soldier?
Wally: Yes, sir!
Drill sergeant: Do you know what we are going to be doing today?
Wally: No, sir!
Drill sergeant: We are going to be doing push-ups all day, you and me, all day! [Wally smiles] Do you think that's funny, soldier?
Wally: No, sir!
Drill sergeant: Well, just for that, you are going to be doing those push-ups with me lying on your back! You are going to discover muscles, you never knew you had! BIG... muscles, HARD... muscles!
Wally: Oh, yesss, sir!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Kids in the Hall pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.