A scene from “Unfinished Business”

Queen Elizabeth II: Isn't this heaven?

Princess Anne: If you say so.

Queen Elizabeth II: I do. Tucked away in the country, rain and mud and horses and dogs, children, privacy. I do envy you.

Princess Anne: Well, it's not quite the Eden you imagine. For a start, there isn't privacy. They are there, wherever I go.

Queen Elizabeth II: Who?

Princess Anne: Journalists. Photographers who've just got it in for me. Bastards.

Queen Elizabeth II: Well, if you will keep calling them that...

Princess Anne: I told them to naff off. Once. And can you blame me? They're so mean to me all the time. I'm pretty low-key, as you know. I don't want praise or attention or thanks. But I'm only human. Sometimes even a pit pony needs a pat on the head.

Queen Elizabeth II: I know the feeling.

Princess Anne: It's not easy working in the heat and squalor of a Third World country doing real work for real charities. But do I get as much as a mention in any newspaper? Or a thank you? Do I heck. And yet all she has to do is put on a frock, and she's all over all the front pages, and everyone's falling over in shock at how wonderful she is.

Queen Elizabeth II: Who?

Princess Anne: Her.

Queen Elizabeth II: Diana.

Princess Anne: The only other young female in the family, yes, against whom I am now always compared. Lovely her, dumpy me. Smiling her, grumpy me. Charming her, awful me. And the constant questions about my marriage all the time, about Mark.

Queen Elizabeth II: Yes, how is Mark?

Princess Anne: That's it, exactly like that. "How is Mark?" Mark's fine! I'm fine. The children are fine.

Queen Elizabeth II: Well, I'm happy to hear that. Only there has been talk.

Princess Anne: I thought you didn't listen to talk.

Queen Elizabeth II: And a meeting recently with Commander Trestrail.

Princess Anne: Who?

Queen Elizabeth II: The head of the Royal Protection Branch. He felt compelled to mention rumors about a Sergeant Cross, and the two of you being intimate. And in light of these rumors, Scotland Yard has recommended his transfer back to desk duties in Croydon.

Princess Anne: Don't, don't do that to me. You ca ... You can't. He is the one thing that makes me happy.

Queen Elizabeth II: You have so much to make you happy.

Princess Anne: Then how come none of it does?

Queen Elizabeth II: It will again if you're patient.

Princess Anne: Is that it? Is that the advice? "Stick it out, grin and bear it. Persevere"?

Queen Elizabeth II: Well, these things usually pass if you have the patience to wait.

Princess Anne: I used to enjoy my reputation as the difficult one. I used to relish scaring people a bit because I could control it. But recently, I'm the one who's scared. Because it's starting to feel more like it controls me, and it's changed. It's not just feeling angry, but a kind of recklessness where I just want to smash it all up.

Queen Elizabeth II: But that will pass too.

Princess Anne: Is that it? Is doing nothing your solution to everything?