(voice over) My name is Uncle Ruckus, and this is the story of my relations. I was born under unusual circumstances. It was the 4th of July, and I was told it was a especially good night to be born. But that was some bullshit.
I came as soon as I heard. What is it, doc?
There's no easy way to put his. The brown spot on your child's arm, it's a rare and incurable skin disease. It will spread all over his body. His skin will continue to grow blacker and blacker and blacker and even blacker and more blacker and blacker and then even blacker.
Talk in plain English! I can't understand what you're saying!
Eventually he will be indistinguishable from... a Negro.
No!
Not that! Anything but that!
Hey, you! What are you doing here? HEY!
Come here, bitch. Gimme some real quick.
You ain't said nothing so far about my hair.
Because it ain't yours.
It is so mine. I'm the first colored girl you ever met with blonde hair, and one day I'm gonna have eyes as blue as the summer sky.
Bitch, you ain't never in a million fucking years gonna have no blue eyes. You're hairier than a motherfucker too. Your personality ain't much to speak of either. Your cooking ain't shit. You ain't clean worth a damn. Nasty bitch. But I need somebody around here that's gonna wash the shit stains out my drawers, so I guess you'll do.
But, Mister, your Mama hates me.
Mama ain't got much more time life in her. She gonna be dead in a few seconds, you watch and see.
I don't know.
Look, uh, why don't we go for a walk down by the swamp and talk about it?
But what about the...?
But, I said, let's walk by the swamp!
Okay, okay. Aunt Juju, tell Mama I'll be right back. Lord have mercy, what?
Who left this baby on my step?
Sweet Jesus.
I ought to cut this fucker.
No! This ain't no regular baby. It's a white baby. It's the most beautiful white baby in the whole wide world.
White baby? Ah, shit, that's all I need, a goddamn white-baby kidnapping charge. Bitch, put that thing down before the police come.
No, wait, here's some money. Somebody wanted us to take him.
Shit. Finding white babies might be better than I thought.
What's this? Some kind of birthmark?
Don't look like no birthmark I ever seen.
Who knows? I'm sure it's nothing. Can we keep him? Can we love him forever and raise him to be our own beautiful white child? As husband and wife?
Fine, bitch.
Oh, thank you, Mister! What should we name him?
Name it after my uncle.
Okay. Uncle Ruckus it is.
If the authorities come, you going to jail, bitch. I didn't know nothing about this white baby shit.
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