Gordon and Dave in “Unfinished Business”

Have you cooked mussels before?

No.

You're pulling my plonker, now aren't you? You've never cooked a mussel?

Right, we can shout or you can fucking help. I don't mind.

What you mean I can help?

Eh?

What did we do for the last...

Yeah, okay, fine. You're right. Sorry.

What did we do for the last two hours?

Fine, so what do we want in here?

I'm just amazed you've never cooked a mussel.

I haven't! Don't take the piss out of me for it, though.

Who's taking the piss?

You are!

I don't think you can actually cook!

If you'd have fucking talked to me...

If you can't cook a fucking mussel...! Yerse!

No, if you had fucking talked to - YOUEGH! ERGH!

Go on!

Eh?

Go on!

Yeah! Erngh!

Finish it, then.

Finish what?

What are you about to say?

Are you--What am I about to say?

Cook a mussel.

No! I haven't cooked one.

Right. Okay. So shall I show you how to cook a mussel?

Oh, at last. Thank you. Yes, please.

Right. Are you going to tone your voice down, or are you going to shout like some dick?

I'll shout like some dick, and then I'll calm down.

Right. Well, why don't you fuck off to the book shop, read how to cook a mussel and come back and see me, and I'll run your fucking restaurant.

Thank you!

Plonker.

Twat.

Fucking hell, what's all that about? Jesus Christ! Well, at least, he broke the ice now, we know where we stand. "Yeah!?"