Primeval · Season 1
[Connor shoots a man in a lion costume mistaking him for a creature]
Don't shoot me! Don't shoot me! Don't shoot!
[recognizes Connor]
You! You! You shot me! You shot me, look!
[indicates a bullet hole directly in the center of the lion mask's forehead]
[muffled by glove held in mouth] OH MY GOD!
[awkward pause] You all right, though?
DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT?! YOU SHOT ME! [screams in frustration]
How long has the body been here?
I don't know. A week; a month.
If it's been that long, the anomaly could have formed before the detector came online, which would mean there's nothing wrong with it, guys.
Yeah, there's one problem. The sabretooth may well have killed the guy, but it sure as hell didn't dig a trench ten feet deep and bury his body.
You know what, Leek? I think this area could benefit from a government redevelopment grant. We'll start off by sealing the anomaly site with a few hundred tons of concrete; that should do the job.
Shall I... speak to the contractors?
Oh, there's no need. I'll just get a shovel and a cement-mixer and do it myself. Of course you should call the contractors, you idiot!
Give me some good news!
We still haven't found the boy.
No, that's bad news. Good news makes people happy. Keep trying!
We found the shark.
Now you’re getting the hang of it. So then… problem solved!
(regarding Jenny) She looks amazing.
Mm. So does a Velociraptor.
[Connor pilots a robotic probe through an anomaly]
High CO2, low oxygen.
It's pre-Carboniferous. Maybe Ordovician or Silurian. There's no dinosaurs, no mammals, and no birds... wait a minute, what's that?
It's a little girl.
What is she doing?
She's looking for her dog.
She might be injured.
There's nothing really in the Silurian to injure her. We're talking a few basic plants and some bugs.
How big are the bugs?
Bug size, I think. As far as periods go, it's a pretty safe one to get lost in.
Daphne and...Scrappy will have to take charge of the anomaly operation.
You mean us?
Unfortunately, yes. God help us.
Would you rather die of thirst, or be eaten? I think I'd rather be eaten. At least it's quick. Two bites, done. You're like four or five bites, so it'd be worse for you.
Can you not try and be positive for five minutes? You know, hopeful?
We're probably the best food around. Imagine you're a giant sand beast, living on nothing but millipedes. Then you get to taste people for the first time, all gooey and warm. We'd be like a delicacy. Who do you think they'll eat first?
Why don't you sing a song, or whistle, or... something, damn it, just don't talk?
[after Nick knocks out an actor] Well, I'd better go soothe your caveman. Let's hope the paleolithic was short on ambulance-chasing lawyers.
My worst nightmare in one sentence.
[just coming off phone] Mammoth on the M25!
Columbian mammoth!
The flavour is immaterial!
Actually sir, the Columbian is a hairless species—
I don't care if it's shaved its legs and gotten a bikini wax, it's on a motorway in broad daylight!
I've shut down the motorway on the next two junctions, kept the camera crews out, shut down the mobile network, there's a no-fly zone in place, and the eyewitnesses have been debriefed.
And all that with your skirt tucked into your tights. Well done.
I'm not going to look.
[as Abby feeds a captured Columbian mammoth fruit from outside its enclosure] Don't get attached; you can't keep him.
Did you know that a Columbian mammoth's trunk is five times more dexterous than an elephant's?
Why is everyone telling me facts about mammoths today? Do I look like I'm interested? Still, his tusks might be worth a bit.
[disgusted] You wouldn't.
[Mammoth sneezes in Lester's direction]
Ugh. Have a chat with him about personal hygiene, would you?
[Appearing on the A.D.D's monitors] You're on your own, James. There's no one there but you.
Leek? What the hell are you doing?
Now, I want you to feel what it's like to be on the wrong end of your grand disdain. The little man looking up at the big boss.
Security! I want security in here now!
They've all gone, James. Either off on Cutter's wild goose chase, or dead. Now...
[A future predator controlled via neural implant appears before Lester]
I'm going to hunt you.
. . .
Leek, you're never going to make me beg for my life, so let's just end it now.
All right, if you insist.
[The Future Predator snarls]
Goodbye, James.
One more thing.
Yes?
You really are a tiresome little man.
[The Future Predator lunges at Lester from the ceiling, and is promptly impaled on the tusk of the mammoth released by Lester moments earlier]
Good boy. Good mammoth.
[Mammoth trumpets in its enclosure]
You know, my kids are really pestering me for a pet. [shrugs] If you can't find a home for him...
What are you doing?
Trying to track down Leek. There's got to be a clue in his personal files.
[Connor effortlessly cracks the computer's security system]
You obviously know your way around.
Mm-hmm.
Hack into them regularly, do you?
Yeah. You'd be amazed how much Lester gets paid.
What's my middle name?
Sarah. [stops typing] You... told me that once, though, right?
No.
. . .
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Primeval pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
